Miguel

This is another Creative Copy Challenge.

Miguel regained consciousness. How long had he been out this time? Trying to move, he realized he was still taped to the folding chair with cheap duct tape, but still taped none the less. He noticed this wasn't the same room he was in prior to blacking out. He wasn't sure if it was day or night. The plywood covering the window made sure of that. Blood stained his shirt. He took as many notes as he could from this new scenario.

Dammit. Denise got this for me.

He noticed the pain radiating from his left shoulder. It popped when he tried to move it. Time will tell if he'll ever get the range of motion he needs for his occupation. It hurt like hell.

Last time he woke up they were back in the room a few minutes later. Miguel looked around and noticed the camera on the wall next to the door.

What a horrible place for a camera.

The door opened and the same three men from before entered with smiles on their faces like they really enjoyed their jobs. Like Miguel noted, the camera was blocked when the door was opened. These guys must know the flaw because they close the door right away.

"Where do you get your outfits guys, Jersey Shore thrift shops??"

"Ha Ha, real funny wise ass!!"

Miguel smiled at Mr. Velvet's annoyance. Miguel had no idea what these guy's names were, let alone who they worked for. He named them based on the character traits they were showing during their time together. Mr. Velvet wore a purple velvet track suit. It suited his male pattern baldness and spare tire around his waist.

"Don't let him get to you. His jokes are about to come to an end if he doesn't start telling us what we want to know."

That was Mr. Gold. Every finger was adorned with a gold ring and he had enough gold chains around his neck to toe a Mac truck. He was the one responsible for the current state of his shoulder.

The bastard.

Pointing to the third guy, "Get the battery charged up."

The battery?

He followed The Poet as far as he could with his peripheral vision. He was carrying battery cables walked behind him where it hurt his eye when he strained to see what was going on. He heard a soft humming sound following by a metal bucket being filled with water. The lights in the room dimmed as the influx of electricity started to generate.

Crap.

He called him The Poet not because he liked to wax Robert Frost or Shell Silverstein, but because he was actually a stuttering dumb ass. He couldn't put a complete sentence together without giving Miguel an aneurysm. The Poet brought the water bucket over to Miguel's feet. Two steps away from Miguel, The Poet spilled the bucket and its contents across the floor.

"You idiot!" Mr. Gold admonished.

"So I'm guessing your want ad for hired help didn't say experience preferred."

Miguel had to joke around, it was the only way he knew how to get under their skin. It was also a great stalling technique. Mr. Gold didn't laugh though as he punched Miguel square in the jaw. He and the chair fell backwards slamming against the floor.

Miguel now had ringing in his ears. He didn't hear word for word but he could tell that Velvet and Mr. Gold were getting the stuff together themselves. He struggled with his restraints while they were distracted. He was hoping to be knocked to the floor. The water is actually loosing the adhesive on the cheap duct tape. Miguel was able to get one arm free. The Poet grabbed Miguel's shoulders and lifted him back up. Miguel screamed in pain.

The scream was a good enough distraction for Miguel to grab The Poet's head and twist. The Poet slumped into Miguel's lap. Velvet and Mr. Gold rush over to Miguel pull The Poet off his lap and he collapse to the floor. They both look up at Miguel as he is holding The Poet's gun.

BLAM!

BLAM!

They fall to the floor.

He only has a few minutes at the most. He quickly removes the remaining restraints and rips the plywood off the wall. The cold dark winter air bites at his skin. He looks back down and grabs Velvet's track suit.

How ironic.

He jumps out the window and runs for the woods. His plan is to avoid the highway and major routes for road blocks. He's still being hunted as the one who killed his wife and son. He knows he's getting closer to solving this himself and prove his innocence.

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3AM.

This story comes from Creative Copy Challenge. The idea is to make a story based on 10 random words determined by the site administrator. The stories have no restrictions on content or length. The required words are bolded.

Three A.M.

Hours of waiting down the street in a non-descript car, now was the moment he was waiting for. Eric dashed across the open area towards the darkened building. His heart raced with each step over the concrete and rhubarb. He stopped short when the light from security light from the abandoned inner city public library came on.

The light blinded him and holding his hand against the brightness didn't do much to remedy the situation.

"Can I help yous?" Boomed a scratchy voice from the decrepit speaker next to the door.

"Little Lilliana likes lopsided landslides!!" Eric answered.

After a moment, a rusted bolt clanked against a steel door and it slid open. Eric walked in with caution.

"Sawubona" came a voice to his left. Shadows hid his features. All except that pop mark.

"Sawubona" Eric replied.

The door slammed shut and the rusted bolt returned to its previous position.

"Yoga' mah money, maing?" Pop Mark asked.

"Do you have my stuff?" Eric returned.

"Ya maing, eets right here." Pop Mark lifts up a canister of white powder.

"How do I know this is the real stuff. I'm giving you real money. I don't want to get screwed over."

"Maing, what choo talkin' about. This stuff is reals. If you don't want eet. You can leave. Me, I got nothing to loose."

Pop Mark started to move back to the door.

"No wait. I really need that stuff. I'll take it." Eric said desperately.

"Of course you will, maing. Enjoy."

The transaction takes place and Eric runs back to his car. He immediately opens the canister to see his score.

"Perfect! I just need to get back home before they discover I'm gone. I should never have left Emma home alone with Nana in her condition. She be up from her nap time shortly."

Eric pulls into his driveway, only to be met by his wife.

Eric's mind races.

"She must have gotten off early from her shift at the hospital. Great, I'm in for it now!"

"Where the hell have you been?" Kristie asked.

"I was just...Umm.." Eric searched for an answer.

"You were getting IT again weren't you?!?"

"Yes, but this is the last time. I promise I won't do it ever again."

"I don't know. How can I trust you? We have a baby in the house that could use her father."

"I know.. I know.. This will be the last time that I buy baby formula off craigslist."

He walks past her into the house.

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Don't Make Me Angry....

After the post from Tuesday where I discussed how I felt about going back to work after a month. I'm back working home the next day and became a big hypocrite.

I had been up a good deal of the night with Em and or Beautiful. KC and I got very little sleep that night. I pulled up to my laptop at 6AM to begin working. Like clockwork, the other kids got up at 6:20.

Ugh.

Then they started fighting at 6:22.

Ugh.

They would continue to fight and pick and cry and yell and scream and throw and hit and pull and climb and EVERYTHING for the next four hours.

Couple that with the lack of sleep and the stress of work and Daddy has his breaking point.

I leaped over gate and yelled..

"THAT'S ENOUGH!! I'M TIRED OF THE FIGHTING!!!"

I was Hulk mad.

All three got scared and started crying. Hulk lowered Hulk's voice and tried to be firm by explaining why they shouldn't continue going down the same annoying path they were on.

Yeah it wasn't working. Hulk could have said that we were getting a Wii, but all they could hear was the huffing and heaving breathing of a big green gamma radiated monster. They were scared and confused.

Ladybug started crying for Momma.

The Hulk's breathing got slower and slower. Hulk started shrinking. Daddy was back with his head hanging low.

Here I was yelling at a 4, 2 and 1 year old.

It was lunch time and Ladybug was still hiding behind her bangs.

So I sat her down and I apologized to her for scaring her. I said I was sorry that I was mean and yelled. I told her that no matter what she did, it was no reason for me to act that way to her and her siblings. I said I was sorry and asked her to forgive me.

She said she did and we hugged.

She was back to normal afterwards.

KC was at the doctor and had Emma with her. I talked to her and let her know what happened. She wasn't mad because it happens sometimes with her as well.

Here I thought I was the only one that had been exposed to Gamma radiation in my house.

I am under a constant microscope with everything I do in front of my kids. My good habits and my bad traits. I know what I did was not called for. I know that even though there are probably underlining issues with self worth at work and anxiety involved, it was still not warranted for me to get enraged the way I did to my children.

When they are looking over the specimen slides of their dad's life, I pray they choose not to follow how I reacted but how I corrected the situation.


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Owl is DEA

This story comes from Creative Copy Challenge. The idea is to make a story based on 10 random words determined by the site administrator. The stories have no restrictions on content or length. The required words are bolded.


On the way back to my table from the IHOP bathroom, my phone buzzed with a new message.

Winnie the Pooh is being held by authorities in conjunction with illegal hunny smuggling rings all across the hundred acre woods. Owl is dea”

I was shocked when I read this on my twitter updates.

“Owl is dea”???

I had no clue that the Wise Ol’ Owl was a narc with the Drug Enforcement Agency.

I usually don’t subscribe to @head-shot harry’s social networking propaganda, but this was something that I had to delve into a bit more. I mean, those furry little freaks trusted Owl with their issues. Now to think that his prior work history is in question because he is believed to be working for the man.

I sat down and started to think of the lawsuits that will arise. Kanga, Rabbit, the Gophers that would whistle a song through their teeth when they talk.

The more orange juice I drink the less sense this makes. When did the US Government start hiring Owls for stakeouts?

My phone buzzed.

New message.

It was @head-shot harry again.

“Owl is dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.”

Oh.

That makes more sense.

Original Post

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Monster Trucks

Today is my first "official" day back working in the office since December 18th. I had taken the week of Christmas off and worked from home since my daughter was born on the 27th. Part of me looked forward to going back to the office. Mainly because the screaming and crying would give me at least sixteen aneurysms a day.

In the past three weeks, my work production has suffered. Now its not 100% due to working at home, some of it was the type of claims I was processing. It will be naive to think that I am not going to be counseled about it in some form in the coming days. There were some days where my production was no problem. But more times than not, my wife would get the brunt of my frustration of low numbers. The frustration is anchored in the possibility that if I have two out of three bad production months, I will not be able to work from home until I can get it back up.

Now while I joke about getting aneurysms and KC sometimes feels that I really look forward to leaving the house, underneath it all, I would rather be at home.

As annoyed that I get, I'd rather be there when my children get up and start asking for things at 6:15 in the morning. Things that I will comply with like vitamins and "bee" cereal (Honey Bunches of Oats). Then there are the things which I deny like snacks, candy, and chocolate milk that early in the morning.

I've enjoyed holding my new baby during the day. I've barely seen her enough when I was home, now I'm going to see her even less. My other children probably woke up this morning wondering where their Daddy was. I'm not going to be able to see my wife during the day any longer either.

More than likely I'll be tagging in once I step foot in the door. But that's the case regardless. It is not like I walk in the door and tell her to give me a minute while I decompress from being away from four screaming, jumping, running, crying, eating, pooping, peeing, fighting kids all day. I usually land right in the middle of it when I get home.

So when my wife dropped me off this morning, I took a minute to get out of the van. I had already started missing her, the baby and the rest of the kids. It almost brought a tear to my eye and I had to get out of there before I lost it.

Monster Trucks, Boys. Monster Trucks!

I miss you KC, MaddSkillz, Ladybug, Disco, Beautiful and Em. Sorry I had to come back to work.

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Weekend Wrap-Up: The Cancelled Post




Welcome back my friends. I hope you all had a great weekend. And for those of you enjoying a three day weekend, BONUS. I'm going to split things up under sub-headings today. Just to make it not so jumbled.

New Layout - Same Crap
I was toying with a new layout for some time now. I wanted to unveil one once my baby was born, but the layout I had didn't look so good on me. I'm okay with this one for the time being. It gives me a little more room to put gadgets, widgets, and midgets. So if you just read this in a reader and haven't witnessed the glory that is my blogspot site, check it out will ya?

Petting Zoo
We were invited to a birthday party this weekend. Why anyone would purposely invite our family anywhere is beyond me. Maybe it was more of an un-vitation than an invitation. Maybe because the party was held outdoors at a petting zoo where the host could assume no liability due to the gamma bombs that can be my children. =

The kids had a great time. I figured they would be scared of the animals since they're scared of people in animal costumes. But they did a great job. They actually touched the animals. They fed, petted and Ladybug actually rode a horse. Disco screamed like the horse secreted some sort of poison goo when we sat him on top of the saddle.

Baby steps I guess.

MaddSkillz opted to go play golf with his uncle and KC stayed at home with Em. So I was at a farm, with the kids, by myself. The only thing we lost was a hair bow to which my wife responds.

"Are you serious!?!?"

Baby steps I guess.





Name The Dog Contest

Saturday night, I open my front door and a skinny, hungry, pathetic looking puppy runs inside.

Super. I don't want to be responsible for this dog, but the humane person in me can't leave this sad puppy in the cold.

We already have one dog that has pretty much prisoner benefits in our backyard. Meaning. He has a place to sleep. He gets fed and is allowed to walk the yard. I don't need another dog.

So we fed it and bathed it. MaddSkillz totally turns off his teenage angst when it comes to lost and lonely dogs. Due in part to his dog running away about 4 years ago shortly after we moved into the house. We still see dogs and wonder if that is our dog. Anyways, he's a total softy.

So the next question was, what are we going to name the dog. I suggested that we combine our list of names and I let my three blog readers decide. We all came up with some names.

Some from KC

Parmesan, Cinnamon, Sugar, Pepper, Whitey

Obviously my wife was not taking this seriously and was only putting names of condiments on the kitchen table and what she really thinks about her husband.

Some from MaddSkillz

Max, Maximus, Maximillion, Max Payne, Max and Ruby

The first two were the real suggestions of the bunch. Its like he had this thing for the name Max.

Some from Eric

The Mighty Thor, Baby Jaguar, Mr. Manhattan, Rorshac, War Machine

I don't know what it is about people and my suggestion for dog's names. But they look at me like I'm six different ways of retarded.

And then there was Ladybug.



Are you kidding me?!? I totally despise of dogs who have names of kitchen spices, people's names, and feelings. But if it wasn't just so darned cute to see her make her own suggestions and tell us what they all were.

Well, that was Saturday night. Yesterday morning everyone but me was calling the dog "Happy". So guess what three readers? I apologize but the contest will be moot. The stinkin' dog's name is "Happy".

Ugh.

Delurker Day

Thursday was what the Internet blogging world called Delurker Day 2010. It was a day that "lurkers" to various blogs come out from behind the curtain to let the bloggers know that they are there. Even if it was just for one day. It didn't really go the way I expected. While I am appreciative of the five comments. I admit I was disappointed.

Was it because I didn't use the official Delurking Day Logo?? Was it because I threatened a kitty? Maybe people hate cats and wanted to see the cat shot. Maybe they knew I was bluffing about the kitty. Whatever it was it didn't work. I apologize for playing games with your emotions. Which brings me to my last bit.


I've Been Cancelled

Yes, because of low delurker day turn outs, Blogger has decided that its just not working. They have decided to cancel my blog and replace me with Jay Leno.



It was great while it lasted my friends. Have a great week.

1 comments:

A Few Rules For Dating My Daughters

A fellow dad blogger of mine found out that he is going to be a father to a girl in the upcoming months. He posted on his blog about not knowing what to do in regards to his daughter dating or how he was going to pay for the wedding. I can certainly relate with his upcoming anxiety on account I felt the same shortly after we realized we were going to have our first daughter.

Seeing how I was a guy, and even though I was considered a nice guy, one thing always crossed my mind when it came the opposite sex. I was a dork and nothing ever happened the way I wanted, but I thought about it none the less. Also, KC and I did not have money to pay for the wedding of her dreams. This is also a concern when my THREE daughters want to get married.

So I have come up with the following on what I will be implementing in regards to my daughter's three.

Dating.

A rule in our house is that they are not allowed to date until they are 16. This goes for the boy's too. MaddSkillz, the first to be a teenager already broke this rule. Yes he has a girlfriend in school, but we've been major road blocks when it comes to doing anything alone with her. In the nearly year that he's been with her, they have not gone out on one date. Either alone or in a group. The same rules are going to be applied to the other kids.

So when they reach sixteen, I've decided that I am going to do a few things.

Invest in the most uncomfortable chair I can find.
This will be for when any would be suitors come to pick up one of my daughters. They will sit in this chair that will be directly across from me. The chair will have no arms so he will have no place to put his arms. He will then have to fidget when he tries to find a place to put them. Crossed. On his lap. By his side.
Directly behind me will be my collection of guns and rifles. Both automatic and semi-automatic. Along with some ninja swords.
I will also make visible a bulletin board that has missing posters of various would be suitors. Maybe even have a fake id stapled to each one.
I will also make sure I get his car's make, model and plates.
I will also have a Sprint/Nextel account that I will have a two way phone that he is required to have with him at all times. I will be able to contact them at any time when I want.
If he does not respond in a manner that is of my liking. I will be forced to contact the cops and report that he has kidnapped my daughter.
The goal is to weed out all the jerks and d-bags that will then say that it's too much hassle to date this chick.

The Wedding.

Now this is going to get expensive. Traditionally the bride's family pays for the wedding. I'm against this idea. It's like the bride's parents are paying to get ride of their daughter. If you want to marry my daughter, you have to purchase her from me dangit.

More than likely my wife will disagree with this and I'll have to pony up. So here's what I'm suggestion.

Sponsorships.
There will be $25.00, $50.00, $100.00, $250.00, $500.00, $1000.00 levels of sponsorship. I will set up a pay pal account strictly for the girls' wedding. Now if you think that you will get nothing for your money, you are wrong.

Here is what you get.
$25.00 - You will get your name in the reception slide show.
$50.00 - You will get your name in the reception slide show and two free drink tickets at the bar.
$100.00 - You will get the above AND your name in the wedding program.
$250.00 - You will get the above AND your name on a patch on the groom's back during the wedding.
$500.00 - You will get the above AND your name on a patch on the bride's gown instead of the groom's.
$1000.00 - You will get the above with your name on the bride AND groom as well as share the honeymoon suite with the new couple.

Also, any and all sponsorship donations will also get a shout out during the toast.

Now granted my daughters are 4 years, 1 year and 3 weeks old, I see that its plenty of time for family and my blog audience to raise enough money for them. The pay pal buttons will be set up in the coming months.

So, I think I got this down now. My daughters shouldn't say crap because they're not paying for it. Its none of their business how we raise the money. If they want something different then they can pay for it themselves.

Have a great weekend my friends.

But before you do, please check out other cool dad's who would be happy to donate over at Dad-Blogs.

0 comments:

Save The Kitty

I jumped the gun a bit the other day. Apparently TODAY is Universal Delurker Day. I originally posted it on tuesday, but then I was admonished by a fellow dad blogger and subsequently removed it from that post.

This is my first Delurker Day. If it is your's as well, this is what it is about. It is about those visitors to blogs that read and do not leave comments. "Lurkers". So the object is to de-lurk you guys and gals. My feedburner says that I have 37 followers. 18 People follow me on Network Blogs. I have 155 people following me on Twitter and 154 friends in Facebook. Take away duplicates and I have about 250 unique people that have access to my blog. Links go out all the time through Twitter and Facebook. So I know the word is getting out.

On average I get about 6 comments per post. And don't get me wrong. I love these comments. But I am a needy person. I want more.

If only for one day.

So today I am asking all you lurkers out there to leave a comment. I don't care about what. Just do it, aight?

Delurking Day has it's own logo, but I felt mine picture could persuade the public a bit more.


Even if you hate cats. I'm sure you don't want a cat being killed because of you. Think of the guilt.

Now, onto other things.

I recently found a site that I can waste so much time at it annoys my wife.

Now I want to start something new. I am going to post a video that I made and I would like my followers to view the below video and tell me what movie the scene is from. The winner will get a Juggling Eric No-Prize.




Now you all have a reason to leave a comment. It should be rather easy. If not, I'll even let you google it.

The Juggling Eric No-Prize is still in process and you'll find out what it is once the winner is decided.

In the event of a tie. Random.org will choose the winner.

So if you want to save the kitty. You'd play.

Happy Stop Lurking Day My Friends.




0 comments:

The Pudding Skin

In place of Juggling Eric Origins: Em which I didn't have time to get too. I will give you a scene from our reality show called 'Pretty Dang Exciting'.

Let me know what you think.




This actually happened today. Its amazing that the camera were rolling.


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Randomness and Cynicism - The Way Too Hyper ar 5am Edition

Disco has been up since I think three or four this morning. We tried putting him back down, but he just wouldn't go to sleep. Its not like he was having a fit, he'd just stroll into our room with his blanket. I tried to lay with him on the couch, but I was the only one falling asleep. My last attempt to lay him down at 5am resulted in him coming out of his room four minutes later and waking up his little sister.


Both of them are too hyper to be up at 5am.


One of my son's favorite shows is Blue's Clues. He gets pissed off when he knows its going to be an episode with Steve. He's much more manageable when its a Joe's Blue's Clues.


A friend of mine directed me to a pretty cool website. http://www.xtranormal.com/ Its a site where you can make your own animated movies just by typing the script. Sure the animation is limited as are the voices, but I'm sure I could waste hours upon hours there.


I think I'm going to apply it somehow to this blog. That is until I get tired and run out of ideas like I did with stripgenerator and the super hero squad comic maker.


I heard about Mark McGuire's statement about how he used steroids during times on The A's and The Cards. I was emotionally involved in his home run record race with Sammy Sosa. To find out that it could have been perverted like this really pisses me off.


Beautiful can say her big sister's name. Its really cool to hear her start saying names other than Momma and Daddy.

That's all for today.


Have a great day my friends.


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Weekend Wrap-Up: Talladega Nights with Ladybug Miah

In San Antonio this weekend we had numerous days of below freezing temperatures. Now again, please do not laugh at us. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does San Antonio usually freaks out.

This time was different. There was no precipitation involved with this freeze. So it was just cold and cloudless. We did bring our grizzled old dog in from outside. He stayed in his cage and he would remind us that he needed attention by single barks in the middle of the night. Something that my children usually do when they are in their own baby cages.

Disco, Ladybug and I took advantage of the freezing air by putting toys in water and placing them outside. Saturday morning we made an amazing discovery. It was quite fun and gave me something to do if the dog keeps up with the barking.

Sunday, my Dad invited us to Incredible Pizza. It's pretty much like Gatti Land, but HELLA COOLER!! The kids got to play mini bowling, mini golf and win tickets to turn in for toys that will get on my nerves by the days end.

The highlight of the visit was the go-kart racing. Ladybug and I were able to race together. We pulled up into the number two position. This kid to our left told us "Good Luck!" To which I replied, "You too, Buddy." To which he replied, "No, I mean it. Good Luck!"

Ohnohedidn't

It was on like proverbial Donkey Kong after that. This little kid was talking crap to me in front of my daughter. Ain't nothing going to stop me from taking this kid out!!

I don't qualify to be a NASCAR fan. I don't own an RV to make pilgrimages to Daytona or own Dale Earnhart commemorative dinner plates.

I just know how to kick little brat's arses.

He had the inside lane. I was the outside lane.

We were given the green light and we were off. He made his first mistake 2 seconds into the race when he didn't hug the inside rail on the first turn. I took advantage of his ignorance and took the inside turn and passed him within 4 seconds of the race.
Don't choke on the smoke Nick Jonas!!!
I could hear his heart breaking and could see him getting his butt kicked tomorrow in school for crying all day.

After eight laps were were awarded the checked flag and the first place ribbon. Crap Talker walked away with his head down and his confidence shattered never to have a girlfriend his entire life. And my daughter didn't lose respect for her B.A. Daddy!!


MaddSkillz was with his father so he missed out. He was sad that he missed the event, but we're going to make plans to go back as a family.

A few months ago, my wife and I devised a schedule for the kids. It went pretty good for about a month. Bed rest and doctor appointments kind of screwed that up. I'm going to try and get them back on track with their schedules this week. This includes MaddSkillz with his chores and even KC and myself. Hopefully we can get back in the groove of things and not use the excuse of "we just had baby."

How was you weekend my friends? Were you able to beat a trash talking pre-teen's butt at some sort of sport's activity? Do you laugh at Texas for getting cold?

Have a great weekend my friends.

0 comments:

AMAZING DISCOVERY!!!1

Please, everyone who lives north of New Braunfels, TX do not laugh at San Antonio's experience the past couple days.

With that said we woke up to it being 18 degrees outside. I actually got to wake up after 8, so that means it got to as low as negative 16-ish during the night or something.

Anyways, I go outside I thought I found an amazing discovery.

I go outside and I found my own Encino Man!!!



So, I figure the best thing to do is to do is try and defrost him.


Turns out my Encino Man was actually an EnCENA Man. WWE Superstar JOHN CENA. I decided that I should take some video of the event.


When he started moving, I got kind of excited that he was still alive, so I poured a whole bunch of water on him...




Things got a little crazy so I may have accidently drowned him. It was still an amazing discovery though right?


0 comments:

Ferberize or Fockerize?!?!

The other night, my wife and I were watching Modern Family. If you're not familiar with the TV show, it follows three related families. One is Al Bundy (Jay) with his new latina wife and ten-ish year old step-son. The second is Jay's daughter (Claire) and her family (husband/two daughters/son). The third is Jay's son (Mitchell) , his partner (Cameron) and their adopted daughter Lilly.

We can relate to each set of families even with the diversity. I'm a step-father whose son will always have his dad's back no matter how many times he's been wronged by him.

My wife says that Phil (Claire's husband) reminds her of me because he's a dork and I guess I'm a dork too.

Even the gay couple. But because they have a new baby and are learning how to be new parents. The gay issue is really secondary.

Trust me, I'm getting to my point. My point is what was going on with Mitchell and Cameron this episode.

Mitchell walked in on Cameron and Lilly late one night watching Scarface. Cameron said that Lilly couldn't sleep and she enjoys Scarface. Mitchell got upset because he's allowing Lilly to develop a bad habit. If she cries at night, she knows that Cameron will come to help her.

Mitchell would rather go by the Ferber Method. The idea of this is that they learn to self soothe and not expect a parent to come get them if they cry.

I could feel my wife saying in her head, "Yeah, my husband spoils our children.."

I don't remember if we discussed it after the show, but we got a working example early the next morning. My mother in law has been staying with us, helping with the kids while I go into work. Beautiful woke up in the middle of the night and starting crying. MiL came in and asked if she could get her, I said go for it.

Around five o'clock I hear screaming on the monitor. I get up to make sure she hadn't stuck her head thru the rails or something. My wife comes in and said that she just laid her down and that I spoil her by getting up with her at this time.

Ok, this is what I do.

She starts screaming like she just looked in the Ark of the Covenant. I go in there and get her out. I usually get her some milk, sit with her for a few minutes, let her calm down and try to put her back. Sometimes it works. Sometimes she starts screaming like her face is melting off again. So I go back to the living room. Put her in her Dora chair, turn on Yo Gabba Gabba, she watches, I sleep on the couch.

Spoiling??

Let me tell you why I do what I do.

When my baby (any baby) cries in the middle of the night because they do not want to be asleep, I do not go in their room as sympathetic daddy. I go in there before they wake the other two light sleepers up. My 1YO daughter is a level 1 telepath. She has the ability to hear thoughts while she sleeps. She'll wake up at the slightest sound. If her older brother and sister get aroused from their sleep. Forget about it. I'll have all three kids up and they will not want to go back to bed. I'd rather deal with one than three at 4:30 in the morning.

Again. It usually ends up with the kid watching some sort of recorded cartoon and I sleep on the couch. I usually wake up with the offender asleep on the floor. Occasionally I'll accidentally drop a phone on their forehead.

There is never a night where I shove my wife and say, go get the girl. It's always me. No one misses any sleep but me.

But I'm used to it.

So back to the other morning, after nearly 30 minutes of screaming KC tells me, " I know you want to go get her."

Well yeah, because she's being eaten alive by fire ants and she's going to wake the other two kids up eventually. Its not like I want to go apply Aloe Vera to the bites.

On the monitor, I hear that Nana went in to see if she was okay. I get up to get the baby, because Nana needs her rest.

I get some milk, sit next to Beautiful for a few minutes and she's ready to go back to bed.

I was kid free until 7:30.

Again, I don't do this to comfort them. I do it to save me from dealing with the entire horde prior to sunrise. Is that so bad?

There was only one time where I wanted to hold and squeeze one of my daughters when she was crying outside our door. But I'll talk about that another time.

Do any of you parents "Ferberize"? Or do you "Fockerize"?? Is it a combination of the two? Or why do you do what you do when your kid is crying in their bed??

Have a great weekend my friends.

And be sure to check out some pretty dang cool dads for Fatherhood Friday over at Dad Blogs.



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Keeping it Classy!!

Since I've mentioned poop in my last two posts. I might as well make it a trilogy.

The final season of Lost starts in a few weeks. I'm pretty dang excited about it.

With that. I present this video I found a few years ago..




Enjoy and have a great end of the week my friends.

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Juggling Eric Origins - Em: Firing the First Shot

Is changing a newborn's diapers the hardest thing to do in the world or what? When I was a kid, I watched as my dad changed the transmission on his Ford Torino by himself. He positioned himself under the car and held up the transmission with one hand while tightening the bolts with the other. I would like to go on record and say that he had an easier time completing that task than I do changing my newborn's diapers.

Their legs won't cooperate like the older kid's legs do. If you hold up their legs they tend to want to roll over, totally messing up the position of the diaper you just adjusted for the sixth time. Then you have the scabbed up umbilical cord that needs to be cleaned and not pulled off by accident when you're rolling up her onesie.

I'm now about to dive into something that can only be appreciated by parents. And by parents I mean parents who have been actively involved in the raising of their child. Parents who have seen the ugly nasty side of being a parent to a snot infested, poop stained, dry food crusted baby.

This may not be for the feint of heart. Honestly, this can get disgustingly graphic.

I'm warning you. It's about baby poop.

Ok.

I warned you.

Sunday I'm changing Em's diaper, she has some specks of dried poop on her butt and I'm concentrating on getting them off when she poops at me.

WTH?!?!

Yes, she pooped AT me. It wasn't like she pooped in the process. It was like a cannon shot during the civil war.

It had distance.

And it hit me.

You have got to be kidding me.

I'm sitting there in shock when she starts to pee.

Seriously?!?!

I cover her up with the baby wipe and I'm dumbfounded. Disco and Beautiful have yet to defecate on their father.

My ever supportive wife says, "You mean you don't watch her butt to see if she's going to poop?!?"

I'm sorry!!! What am I a fighter pilot?!?? I have to keep my eye on the enemy MiG while I'm waxing out it's buddies? I figured I had a wing man with this.

And she said it matter of fact like it's something they taught her on CafeMom or something.

Not ONCE have I had to be afraid of long range enemy fire from my children. This is my fourth baby. I should be prepared for this.

Obviously I was not.

I can deal with the baby poop getting on my hands and or clothes. I'm a dad, I'll be dealing with their crap, literally and figuratively the rest of my life. It was just that it was like the. Jericho Missile System in Iron Man.

Regardless. I knew I was going to blog about it on the next edition of JE Origins. What I didn't know I was going to talk about was that IT HAPPENED AGAIN. Yes, at THREE in the morning!! When I have the reaction time of a George Romero Living Dead Zombie.

I'm beginning to think this is personal.

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Randomeness and Cynicism: Long Live El Wussy

Because of my lack of originality and wanting to jump the shark, I present you with more randomness and cynicism.

They make kids clothes by month all the way up to 24 months. Then it's 2T, 3T, 4T, 5T. My daughter is tall and skinny like I used to be. 4T fits perfect in the waist, but too short. 5T is the right length, but not in the waist. Has the kids clothing industry ever thought of making in between sizes, such is 4.5T?

Speaking of convincing me. Do you think that soda companies can put multiple types of sodas in the same 12 pack case? Like maybe 4 Cokes, 4 Sprites and 4 Dr Peppers?

Last week I started watching GiJoe: The Rise of Cobra. I wanted to like it SOOO bad. I fell asleep halfway through. Although the tiredness could be due to I was exhausted from being up most of the night while KC was in labor. I wish they stuck more to the comics than with Hasbro. The movie I made in my head was a whole lot better. And Snake Eyes didn't have a mouth in his mask.

I replaced the McDonald's Mocha with my own mocha. I save $3.85 a day. My untrained taste buds couldn't tell the difference. I did notice that I was using the wrong ratio of coffee grounds to water. I was only putting 1 tablespoon for about 8 cups of water. I was essentially making lightly dark water that made your breath stink and need to poop 3 times a day.

My daughter used the word "emergency". How the heck did she know that word? She thinks that it only pertains to a fire somewhere.

My son and I started dabbling in salsa making. We made some for New Year's Eve. My father-in-law gave it the flavor of El Wussy. Which is fine. I'm a white guy and I'm a novice in the picante industry. He's been Mexican for most of his life, I give him the benefit of the doubt. The next morning, we revisited the bowl of salsa and it was darker than the night before and not as El Wussy. We came back the next day, again darker and hotter. So I figured out that I need to make my salsa at least three days before I serve it to my father-in-law in the future.

January is the start of a lot of shows my wife and I watch. Lost, Burn Notice, Leverage, Criminal Minds, SVU, et al. My DVR is going to blow up.

I think that Dora and Diego live in two different dimensions. I've never been to Central or South America, but I'm pretty sure that Diego's reality more closely resembles the one we live in than Dora's. Sure Diego's animals talk, but the animals are more realistic than Dora's. I'm looking at you Big Red Chicken. Should I let it go?

Speaking of Dora. A year or so ago, I made some Dora shirts for Cafe Press. They have had moderate success.
That's it for now. Have a great day my friends.


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Weekend Wrap Up: Hoarding with Derek Zoolander

One of my unofficial resolutions for 2010 is to get my house better organized and better shape. On some days it seems like we should be on an episode of Hoarders. My plan this year is to try and focus on one part of the house a month with the goal of having the house in great shape by Christmas this year.

I actually got to focus on two parts of the house this weekend. The backyard and the attic.


The attic consists of stuff that we really do not need. There are some boxes that I have from college. There are boxes that hold some of KC's old personal effects. I have about 10 boxes of old comics and some of my dad's stuff is up there as well. Also up there are a few boxes of MaddSkillz' old stuff animals. There's also a few boxes are filled with mail that we never opened prior to our move into the house, OVER FOUR YEARS AGO!!

I managed to clear out about sixteen square feet to put the Christmas stuff up there. I figure I can wait until next month to try and work on it any further. There's a lot of prime storage space up there that is being wasted with boxes of unopened bills, stuffed animals and empty PS2 boxes.

With moving Christmas back in the attic, that cleared up some space out in the shed. A lot of space in the shed is taken up by old baby clothes. We saved both Ladybug's and Disco's clothes. Since the past two babies won't be wearing Disco's old clothes. We're giving them to family members with little boys and Goodwill. Once those are out of the picture, more space in the shed.

There's also our old dining table and a twin bed in there. Will they ever be used again?

Probably not.

KC's grandparents gave them to us and we will not be able to get rid of them until they have passed on. They have been in her/our possession for at least 10 years. They aren't the nicest things. It's not like they're antiques. They'd make perfect craigslist items. I'm told that they sometimes ask about them. I'm currently weighing the "less space/family not mad" versus "more space/family not know or might be mad" options.

It sucks not having a garage.

This weekend we hit a milestone in one of our children. One that we had been waiting to get here for about 4 years now.

MaddSkillz cutting his hair.

He started growing his hair out at the end of fifth grade. He won't say it now, but it was because his uncle grew his hair out. Four years later, his uncle changed his hair and MaddSkillz has not. We've told him many a times other ways to style it, but he NEVER listened to us.

What do we know? We're just his parents.

He's in theatre and likes it. He got cast as a "kid" for the second time this year. While it could be because he's a freshman and he needs to continue to try and get better. It could be because of his refusal to change his appearance for a part. Again, after we told him that he needs to be more flexible with his appearance for acting, he looks at us like we're all kinds of retarded. But when his theatre director told him that he needs to cut his hair for a part. He finally concedes.

So this weekend we took him to get his haircut. I took a before and after picture. I showed him the after picture and he got pissed because I made him look like a dork. Yes, with a cell phone camera. I made him look like a dork. He wanted to give it a try and he did the angle from six feet below his chin.

Yeah, not going to happen. I need to blog about this you know. I told him I would post the after pic, but I'm not really that heartless. But here is the before and after (with some editing).



After his objection, he sent me one he took himself. I guess because his phone doesn't make him look like a dork.



Little did I know that my son was a protege of Derek Zoolander, because it's a pretty dang good Blue Steel.
And it's the exact same cut we told him about for over a year. But what do we know? We're just his parents.
He looks great though.
Have a great week my friends.



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Happy New Year Together

Five years ago today, KC became my bride. During the past five years, we've had many ups and a few downs. With everything that has changed in our lives the past half decade, there is one thing that hasn't..

My undying love and commitment to her.

I'll keep it short today and show you a picture of a picture. The baby was sleeping and our wedding pictures are not on computer. Which I think is good because they'll never be printed if they were . So I took a picture of the picture in our living room. I tried to make it look like it wasn't taken with a polaroid, so I apologize for the quality.





This is what were doing five years ago. KC says that the look on my face is one of, "Oh, I'm getting some tonight."

To which I reply.. "Duh!!"

Happy New Year's My Friends. Have a blessed 2010.



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