What My Kids Drink Water From...

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Yesterday

Yesterday you sat in the backseat of the Cavalier and asked to play a game on our phones.  Your hair was freshly cut and you had your fears of the outside world you couldn't imagine.  You hated Lizzie Maguire and all things pink.  You didn't talk back and you didn't want to grow up.

Today you sit in the backseat of the van, put your headphones on and don't let us come near your iTouch.  Your hair needs to be cut and your fears of the world diminish with each new adventure you take.  Talking back seems to be your degree plan sometimes, you have a girlfriend and taking driver's ed. You look forward to getting past this phase of your life to conquer the next.

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Yesterday you took a crayon and paper and scribbled your first masterpiece.  You sat in your car seat, listened to the radio and would "sing" songs on the radio (which was more like saying one word of each chorus).  You  had surprised us with how smart you were by counting to ten in Spanish from watching Dora the Explorer.

Today your very well detailed drawings grace the walls of our house and "art museums on the computer".  You sit in your booster seat and request songs from my phone which you sing [mostly] all the words.  It really is no surprise to your mother and I how amazingly intelligent you are when you come home from Pre-K excited and telling us everything you had learned.

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Yesterday you were just my tiny fragile baby boy.  I thought you didn't like me very much when you didn't want anything to do with me.  You took your wobbly first steps and your sister knocked you down for the first time ten seconds later.  You frustrated us with the amount of diapers you went through

Today you are anything but tiny.  You survived your first broken bone and you didn't even blink.  When you lay next to me on the couch, you let me squeeze you because my heart has missed you all day.  You jump from tops of couches and play sets with no fear and have no problem pushing back even though we tell you not too.  You now tell us when you have to go potty and slowly we are decreasing the amount of diapers we use for you.


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Yesterday you sat in the background of all the chaos observing everything happening.  You sat in your high chair as your mom or I fed you.  You didn't say much and your hair concerned me with the way it was growing in because you weren't a Rabbi.

Today you are in the forefront and sometimes leader of the chaos.  Your vocabulary, pronunciation, and sentence structure is unbelievable.  Your hair turned out beautiful. Even though I think it needs to be trimmed some yet  your mom disagrees.  You made the choice yourself to no longer sit in your booster seat and claimed your own chair at the dining room table.

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Yesterday I brought you home.  I had no idea what I was going to do with a fifth kid in the house because I hadn't gotten used to the first four yet.  You would primarily want your mother and I was just there to assist.  Most of the time you would just lie there doing and saying nothing.

Today the house is yours.  Your go wherever you want and don't think twice about it.  I still have no idea what I'm going to do with you, but you complete the family just by being here.  You come to me when I enter the room and sometimes cry when I leave.  You say "Da-da" a lot and "Ma-ma" when she's not around.  You are so brave when you stand up by yourself for long periods of time.  Then when you fall, you laugh about it and get right back up.

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I can't believe that all of this seems like it happened yesterday and now today they are totally different (yet the same) children.  If this is how much they change overnight, I am excited but not quite ready for tomorrow.

Have a great day my friends.

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14:59

If you noticed Thursday, my wife became the San Antonio Similac Spokeswoman in regards to the Similac Baby Formula Recall of 2010.  Within minutes of the piece airing on the news, people were contacting us saying they saw her on TV.  People were excited because they saw someone on TV that was a real person.  Not a fake housewife or reality show wannabe.

The news started to spread that she had five kids and it blew up from there.

Offers started coming in wanting to know her story.  She had a few interviews and would talk about how it's been nine years since she met the person who would be her husband along with the story of each of our kids.

But when they found out I was a Daddy Blogger, the crap got real...

Someone sent me this weeks cover of US weekly..   How the heck do these magazine get this stuff?



This is insane..  

Have a great week my friends...

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What If?

What if I never dropped out of college and actually applied myself when I was there?  Judging from my college buddies on Facebook, they're doing pretty well for themselves.  Chances are I would be too.  I wouldn't have had family members disappointed in me for my choices.  I would have made them proud being the first one to actually graduate from college.  I wouldn't have wanted to stay in San Antonio, I had been wanting to leave this place from the very beginning in 1988 when we first moved here.  This is why I went to school as soon as I could out of town.  


I wanted to be an architect, I picture myself working for a semi big firm, maybe with the hopes of working for myself.  I'd be attending seminars and continuing education classes in different specialty schools.  I'd be banking it quite well and I would like to think I would not have to worry about money being an issue.  I also would think my house would be clean.


What if you never got pregnant in high school?  Would you have stayed with Mike after graduation?  Even if you didn't and without the added responsibility of a baby, you would have been able to finish college the first time around.  And when you would have finished, you would have driven yourself to get the best job you could find that would make the biggest difference in other people's lives.  I still believe your house would have been a mess, though.


What if we had actually made those decisions?  What if changing one thing in our past that could have brought each of us personal success and admiration from friends and family, prevented us from being in a building at the same time nine years ago today?  


I would think that our paths would have crossed eventually, you would have still thought I was a dork and I would have still thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.  Maybe we would have eventually developed something together and I forced you to submit to my irrestibleness.  It wouldn't have been on September 24, 2001 but it could have been sometime later.  We'd still eventually have our five kids and we probably wouldn't be as tired.


But what about the events that would have happened after September 24, 2001 in the original reality?  


Sure, ideally there would not have been all the struggles but what about the things that happened because we did walk into the same building at the same time on that day?  All the struggles we shared over the past nine years are what defined us as a couple.  Every fight. Every break up. Every make up.  Every everything had been designed so we could be sitting here today with our five fantastic children in our messy house worrying about money until the next pay check.  You still submit to my irrestibleness and you're still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.


Happy Ninth Anniversary from the day you met me, Sweetheart.  I love you and thanks for the struggles... :)

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Going To The Expert...

So does the news turn too when they need an expert in all things baby?

KC that's who!  Super Mom of five children and Wife of one to a Super Husband!  

She was on the evening news in response to the Similac Baby Formula Recall!!

Enjoy!


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What Causes My Kids Pain..


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In The Spotlight

I totally forgot to tell my four readers, (two of which I call "Mom") that MaddSkillz had auditioned and was chosen for his school play.

What's cool is that he finally passed the "little boy" typecasting he had last year.  Last year he was in Annie Get Your Gun and was cast as "Lil' Jake", then later in the year he was "Son #1" in Medea.

This year he shot to the spotlight by getting a main part in Shakespeare's tragedy, Macbeth.

Because MaddSkillz emits awesomeness, he is playing TWO parts during the play.  My son is like a Transformer, a robot in disguise... Only minus the robot part..

His main character is Macduff, Macduff is Thane of Fife.  I'm not sure what a fife is, but my son is the thane of it.  According to Wikipedia, he's the main antagonist to Macbeth.  To which I say...

Heck yeah.. My son gets to play a bad guy... No more of this kiddie crap.


Honestly, I don't recall reading Macbeth in high school or seeing any type of play or movie adaptation, so if I'm talking about my arse it's because I'm proud of my son.

His other character is Banquo.  Again I know little about the character other than what I've skimmed on Wikipedia and what my son has told me.  The one thing I do know about Banquo is that he dies.  This will be my son's second time to die as a character on stage.  He doesn't really listen to me when I try to give him advice. But since his last death was off-stage and this time it might be on-stage, I felt I should give him some advice on his death scene since I have actually been in a movie.

Courage Under Fire


So MaddSkillz...
Make your death scene about YOU.  When you're an actor, you're not providing a service for other people, you're only priority should be about YOU.  You need to be the one they remember, not the title character.  Here are a few  ideas I suggest you do in your death scene.  You can pick and choose which one fits best.

1) When you are killed by Macbeth yell out.. "You stabbed me!!! I can't believe you stabbed me!!!"
2) After you are attacked and Macbeth is about to walk away stand back up.  If he questions your status tell him, "It's only a flesh wound!" and start fighting him again until all your limbs are severed, then bleed on him.
3) If someone is trying to say you're dead call out, "I'm not dead." argue that you are not and if they disagree tell them you are feeling better and want to go for a walk.
4) Before you die, ad lib the line, "One shall stand..... One shall fall!"
5) During a sword fight, talk about how you have pursued more than studied sword-play lately.  You have been searching for a six finger man for twenty years and now you are starting to lose confidence.  You just work for Vizzini to pay the bills.  Then praise your opponent's skills.  Then spring it on him that you are not left-handed.

Kudos to those who get all of those scenes.

Do you have any ideas for MaddSkillz death to make the spotlight his?

Have a great day my friends..

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My Starving Artist: A Special Request

Ladybug loves to draw.  One day she told me she wanted to be an artist when she grew up.  Which means she's going to be living with me until she gets married.  Because of her desire, I started posting her pictures in museums and such and calling her My Starving Artist.

It's been a while since I posted one, not because she hasn't drawn since (she's improved greatly), I just haven't done it.  She's requested a few times to put her pictures in the museum on the computer.  Her requests start usually with a "What should I draw Daddy?"  I would think of something she hasn't, she would tell me she doesn't know how and  I would draw it for her.  She would then draw it herself.

Well on Saturday she was drawing and after finishing a cat , she asked me what she should do next.  I ignored her a few times because I was trying to get her brother to do or not do something.  He just wouldn't listen to me.

"Daddy!!! What do you want me to draw!?!??!"

"Draw your brother NOT listening to me."

A few minutes later, she handed me this...


This is "Disco Not Listening To Daddy"


See the sad face?  The giant tear?  I guess that is what happens to kids when they don't listen to Daddy.  The big "X" I can only assume means that it's bad. 


Really bad.


Really really bad.


I love how her people have bodies now and don't have all their appendages coming from their skull.  She also is in this phase of putting a circle on everyone's shirts.

I have no clue what the severed head is doing there.

I didn't realize my child had a dark side actually.

Have a great week my friends.

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Housework

Seeing as how a few people liked my graphs from Friday.  I've decided to run it into the ground every week.

So... Here you go...

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The Bizarro Jerry


There is an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine breaks up with a guy and they become "just friends".  Their relationship mirrored the relationship she shared with Jerry.  Kevin (the guy) was the exact opposite of Jerry.  Where Jerry was negative about a certain situation for example, Kevin was extremely positive.  Kevin had an apartment just like Jerry and even had his own George, Kramer and Newman doppelgangers.  Kevin became known as "The Bizarro Jerry".

(I guess I should explain this.  Bizarro is a super villain in the Superman comics.  He is a clone or something of Superman who says and does things backwards or the opposite of Superman. See the picture.  Jerry Seinfeld is a major Superman fan, hence the "Bizarro Jerry" name.)
I've stated before, where I can be sort of a klutz and my wife would look at me like I was seven ways retarded. It has become the norm where sometimes it is just expected that I will get hurt or screw something up.  So she just rolls her eyes and asks if I'm all right with as much sympathy as a wet towel.  

But sometimes my lovely bride, the woman of my life, the mother of my children becomes possessed with the spirit of Bizarro.  She starts doing things that only I would do.  

And I don't mean she starts to watch wrestling, read comics and writes a crappy blog.

Let's start with something small.

One day, KC came home from somewhere.  Where she was is not important, but the fact she had all the children with her when she arrived was.  I was working at home and as I usually do when I hear her pull in the driveway, I go outside to help her unload the children.  I corral the Triad in and come back to help with Emsters.  I go outside, notice all the doors to the van are closed and KC is coming inside.  

"Did you bring Emsters in already??"

"Oh Crap!!!"

Yes, she forgot the baby in the car. 

Now it was only like twelve seconds, so no long term harm was inflicted.  In KC's defense, we haven't had this baby as long as the others so it's understood one of us would forget about her every once in a while.

Another example was the transformation of our Mini-Van to the Dragon Wagon.

The most recent event came after church on Sunday when we were invited to a couple's house because they didn't know we had five kids for lunch.  The children had eaten, I was holding Emsters while KC was fixing my plate.  She served me a nice heaping pile of pasta and a side salad.  I dug into it and noticed it had a different taste.  

It was sweet.

It wasn't bad, but I thought it was strange.  The pasta was set next to dessert on the table and I thought maybe some crumbs had gotten into the pasta.  I dug through the pasta looking for the foreign food and couldn't find it.  I asked MaddSkillz if his tasted sweet.  He said no.

I wasn't about to be rude and ask why it was sweet, so I ate my food.  After I was finished, I looked at the table through the dimly lit room and saw a shaker of Parmesan...

"Awww man, I missed out on the Parmesan..."

My wife responds...

"I forgot to put it on mine, but I put it on yours."

"You did?"

I guess it melted??!?!

MaddSkillz then informs us, it is not Parmesan, but a shaker of sugar.

That's probably why it tasted sweet...

My wife felt really bad for what she did.  I didn't think it was that big of deal.  Later she said she would have been pissed if I did something like that.

Is staying home and having five kids slowly driving her insane?  While she is slightly loosening her grasp on reality, is she turning into a Bizarro Jerry?  While KC is usually in control of her surroundings and these events are few and uncharacteristic, it does feel good that it's not me for once messing up.

Regardless, I still love my Bizarro KC.

Have a great day my friends.

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Back to the Office

For over a year now, I have had the opportunity to work from home.  While the first 7 months it was on a part time basis, since April I have worked exclusively from home.  Eight hours a day, I would barricade myself in my bedroom and sit at my computer and daydream work while KC would take care of the kids.

Since I had to take phone calls, I couldn't have screaming in the background.  She'd do her best to keep the noise level to a minimum, which turned out to be an almost impossible feat.  Sure my production has suffered a bit while coming home, but nothing enough to get me in trouble.

Well today I have to report back to work.  I start training on a new computer platform my company is moving to.  I've been wanting to train for this platform for a few years now.  But each time a training class was scheduled, my wife would get herself pregnant and the kid's due date was during class.  And since you shouldn't miss any class during training, the opportunity for me to go to those classes never happened.  Now since she's not preggers, it's cool for me to go to training.

The thing is once training is over, there is no guarantee I will be able to work from home again anytime soon.

That part sucks.

Even though my wife may say I look unhappy working at home, I do enjoy it.  I am happy for the fact I am home, just not happy about the part I have to be working while doing so.

With me going back to work, it obviously changes things logistically.  We are only a one vehicle family.  KC will need the Dragon Wagon to take the kids to the doctor and such, so it will be rare that I will be able to drive to work.  I can no longer roll out of bed at 5:55AM to log into work at six.  I will have to report to work by eight, which means we have to leave by 6:50 or so.  Which means if KC is taking me, we're going to have to wake up babies and load them in the car.  Because honestly, with me not having to be there, they will sleep better.

But Ladybug needs to be at the bus stop for a 7:01 AM pick up.  How's that going to work?  Well MaddSkillz offered up his services to walk her to the bus stop while KC shuttles me to work.

It's going to be tough in the mornings for KC because once she gets back from taking me to work, MaddSkillz will need to be taken to school.  She usually gets back from dropping him off close to 9AM.  Which means the kids will be hungry and fussy by the time they get home.

I'm going to miss the KC and the kids on account I will not have breaks or lunch times with them.  Hopefully they can stop by occasionally after Ladybug gets home from school.

I am not looking forward to all the crying,fussiness, screaming and aggravation that will be waiting for me when I get in the Dragon Wagon at the end of the day.

And that's just from KC.

While it will be tough, this is what needs to be done.  Hopefully, working from home happens sooner than later and I can deal with all the crying, fussiness, screaming and aggravation spread throughout the day and not all at once in an enclosed space.

Have a great week my friends...

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I Got Nothing..

I didn't really have anything for today prepared.  But I recently found GraphJam.com and I made some graphs.  Enjoy....

Or not.









Have a great weekend my friends...

Or not...

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Action Girl


One afternoon about two years ago, I was watching Spider-Man 3 on DVD.  It was a rare occurrence in which I actually had control of the television, let alone time to commit to a movie.  In all honestly, I was probably busy with something while watching and had it "on in the background".

Towards the end of the movie when Spider Man was getting his spider butt handed to him by Sandman and Eric Foreman, Ladybug comes in the room and sees what I'm watching.  I'm not sure if it was the action or the drama of Mary Jane screaming in peril while being suspended high above the ground via spider webbing that grabbed her attention.  The next thing I knew she had laid down on the floor, put her chin in her hands and watched the rest of the movie.

She would ask things like, "why is she in the car?"  "why are they doing that to him?" "why is Peter Parker wearing eye liner and all emo???"  I would briefly explain to her what's going on, and it pretty much had to do with good versus bad.  If I knew a scene was coming up and would be particularly graphic to her, I would call her name, tell her to look at me and hold eye contact with her until it was safe for her to see again.

Sometime later, I was watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  In comes Ladybug and asks about what's going on.  I explained to her George Lucas had a heavy hand in this movie and must have something on Spielberg to make the movie about aliens who just leave once they get their heads back.

This type of scenario would happen again and again when I would watch one of  "my movies".  It was never, "Hey Ladybug, I'm going to watch Predator, you want to come sit with?!?"  It was always she would come in during an action sequence and the music and timing on screen is what drew her in.  She would never last longer than the action and would always take off or want to watch something else when the action was over.

But still, it was a nice little bond I have with her.

One night this past weekend, I let the kids stay up a little later one night.  The TV found itself on "Clone Wars", the Star Wars cartoon.  Not really being familiar with the show, I could only answer the basic questions.  The guys with the "light swords" are good guys.  The ones in the white suits are currently good guys too.  The droids with guns and anyone with a non-English accent is a bad guy.  

The next night, while channel surfing Attack of the Clones was on Spike TV.  Aside from the CSI: marathons, TNA Wrestling and the occasionally treat of the Star Wars Saga, Spike TV's demographic is 17-40 year old d-bags and we do not watch it at all.  Like the rest of the world, Ladybug didn't particularly care of AotC all that much.  But who can blame her.  But the next night, Revenge of the Sith was on.  We tried watching that one and she took a better interest in it. She was confused when the clone army turned on the Jedi.  I had to draw her attention away during the killing of the younglings and some other parts, but she liked it so much she told her brother about it when he got home.

When she told her mother about it, her mother just rolled her eyes.

Just to rub it in, I asked KC if there was ever a time while she was watching Lifetime, when Ladybug came up to her and asked "why did that lady who is on the run from her abusive ex-husband get into a car wreck on the way to court where the guy she shunned who really likes her is there waiting for her to express his true desires for her?"

She answered "No" before I could get the whole thing out.

There really is no point or moral or conclusion to this story, other than my oldest daughter enjoys movies with Jedi Knights and not ones with Meredith Baxter Birney.

Have a great day my friends.

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2010 Blog Fall Line Up

Just to let you know, this post has a bunch of material which some might deem to be dorky.  Just be warned.  You might not get the jokes if you are not familiar with the scenarios.

During the summer, I get excited when I see new shows will be gracing the upcoming Fall TV Line Up.  There are usually about seven or eight that I really want to catch and if you couple that with the returning shows that I watch, it makes it almost impossible to watch them all without a DVR.

Even with a DVR I could not watch all the shows and catch all the episodes.  I end up deleting them in hopes to maybe catch them online or maybe a DVD sometime in the possible future.

But we got rid of our DVR earlier this year.  So the chance of me catching something new is really slim.  My best bet is to rely on shows that come on USA or TNT to catch the re-runs.  For this reason, I feel I am to blame for the cancellation of Heroes, Flash Forward, and 24.  I just couldn't find time watch them.

There are often times blogs might get too overwhelming with content coming out all the time and some might get skimmed through and deleted.  

Which I feel this blog is the victim of very often in most people's readers.

So in an effort to garner more readership and higher rankings, I sat down with some blog executives to come up with new and exciting blog ideas for you all to read and enjoy.

We'll start with....

The Adventures of El Supremo Maximo
Having five kids has finally driven Eric crazy.  He stops wearing a shirt and starts wearing a Luchador mask and cape, starts trying to talk in Spanish and calls himself El Supremo Maximo.  This is his story.

Mariquita is upset because yo make her wear her luchador mask to la esquela.  Yo tell her it is her heritage and she should have nothing to be ashamed about.  She tells me she does not speak Spanish and she wants to make amigos and not lose amigos.
La Esposa Maxima does not feel the same way that yo do.  She tells mi to stay away from la esquela.  Yo tell her that yo, EL SUPREMO MAXIMO, can voy wherever yo want to voy.  Because yo am the Northern Hemisphere Champion and the greatest Mexican in all of Wrestling.
Ella tells mi "But you are not mexican, you are white."
So I called her a racist.




Babies in Beards AND Party Hats
If lame-assed photoshop pictures are your style.  You'll love this new take of Babies in Beards.  Check it out.

We have my babies....
Celi

We have your babies...
Samuel

We even have celebrity babies...

Suri Cruise

Cobra Comedian
Eric finally follows his dream of being a stand up comedian.  But since he spent most of his life reading comics and watching cartoons, that's all the observing he has done.  He takes the moniker of Cobra Comedian (get it, it's a pun off the character Cobra Commander) and goes cross country to promote his stand up and attend Comic-Cons.

So there I was opening for who I thought was the guy who opened for the guy who opened for Dane Cook's opener from about three years ago.  He approaches me after his act and says to me, "Hey Cobra Comedian!!" and I was like, "Yes-s-s-s-s-s-s-s??" as I turn around and he sucker punches me.  I fall to the ground to see that it was really Duke.
When did he start doing stand-up?
He stands over my semi-conscience body and I order a Cobra retreat.
I was once a man... Once a man.....
Only a few people will get that last part.
Take care now, bye bye then. 
CC
I'm Hilarious-s-s-s-s-s-s.
Eric, the inexperienced JEDI
At his annual physical, Eric's doctor discovers something abnormal in his blood work.

So today I went to the doctor and she tells me something about my blood work.  I know all about PHI an what not in regards to medical privacy, but who cares?  I talk about going to the crapper sometimes, you know? 
But my doc tells me I have a high concentration of midi-chlorians in my cells.  The term sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite place it.  So I asked her if it had anything to do with Lupus?
She said no, but it meant that the concentration in my cells is high enough I could be a Jedi or a Sith.
Heck yeah!!
Darth Bolton sounds freakin' awesome.
So I wave my hand in front of her and tell her she will not charge me for this visit.
She tells me she won't charge me for the visit because it's covered 100% by my insurance.
HECK YEAH!!!
I was so excited about my new found power, I went to the mall.  Now I know I may be new to all this "Force" power stuff, but I'm proud to tell you I made one set of stairs move up and another set of stairs move down.
WITH MY MIND!!!!
I also waved my hand for dramatic effect.
    

Afterwards, I went to Wal-Mart so I can buy a Snuggie to complete the look.  I stood at the door and made it open and close with a wave of my hand and occasionally walking towards it.  Security comes up to me and they ask me to leave.  They tell me that I am not allowed to "use my powers" there.
So I called him a racist... 
WITH MY MIND!!!!
May the Force Be With You My Friends....

So what do you think my dwindling supply of readers?  Do any of these blogs interest you?  Which ones are you looking forward too this fall??  Or should I stay with the same format?

Have a great week my friends.






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Eating Tips for MaddSkillz

From the first time I ever shared a meal with MaddSkillz, I noticed something about him.  He's not a very clean eater.  It wouldn't be so bad if he was 15 months old in his high chair, but he was six years old at the table.  Sure, sure we can attribute to him being a boy and boys are messy, but I'm not going to apply gender stereotypes to this (even though Disco seems to be on the same track as him unfortunately).

Let me give some examples of what I mean:
  • I would make a lunch for him to take to school and would sometimes forget to pack napkins (hey it was my first time, lay off aight?) and he would come home with ketchup on his cheek.  His mom would get on to me about not packing a napkin and I would retort with "why the heck doesn't he get one while he's there?"
  • He'd use his fingers to scoop his veggies, beans, and everything else onto his fork or spoon.
  • Once he scooped, his fingers would have food leftovers on them, he would place that elbow on the table with his hand straight up and lean his head into his utensil, while his forehead grazes his fingers causing his forehead to have food stuck to it.

Again, I met him at six years old.

At first I didn't know my place to correct him, thinking his mother would say something.  In her defense, being a young single mom, she felt that's just what boys do.

Yeah, I didn't believe that.

After meals his hands would be violently messy and his napkin was virginal clean.  I made him a deal if he could make it through a week of eating and not end the meal with most of it on his fingers, I would give him five bucks.  His napkins were used, his hands we're pretty much clean and he was five bucks richer.  Monetary incentive helped him with that part of his training.

Fast forward eighty-eight miles per hour to present day.  We still have problems with this boy eating.  Almost every meal we're telling him something that he should know how to do.  His offenses could be deemed rude out in public or even illegal in some third world countries.  The other night we were stressing his eating habits to him in an effort to realize this is not something a gentleman would be doing out on a date.  Since he is not dating a girl from the trailer park, as I offend all my trailer park readers she probably doesn't want her boyfriend to eat like a Neanderthal. He would make excuses why he eats the way he does and then you realize it's just not worth arguing over basic manners with a fifteen year old.

The next morning, KC is taking him to school and he's eating his teenager breakfast which consists of a un-toasted cherry pop-tart.  His mom sees by the time they're almost at school he's covered in crumbs.  His  mom questions his problems with using a napkin or a plate and he feels it wouldn't help him.  He then went on to seriously ask if we could give him eating tips.

KC called me on the way home and told me the story.  I was eating my work at home dad of five kids breakfast of a toasted s'mores pop-tart and there wasn't a crumb to be found.  So I told her if it's tips he wants, I'm going to find some index cards and make him some tips.

So for the benefit of those at home... Here are some of them...











I wish I was joking about the exaggeration of some of these.  Each of these issues have been brought up to him IN HIS TEENAGE YEARS.  Forget it being a guy or boy thing.  Straight A kids should know better, right?

And he does say he eats the way he does at home because he is comfortable.  When he's out with T or her family he says he minds his manners.

What do you think my three readers?

Have a great weekend my friends and while you're at it, check out Dad-Blogs for Fatherhood Friday.



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Introducing, The Dragon Wagon

Yesterday started like any other day.  Celi started crying at 5:45 in the morning which cascaded to everyone else getting up.  Ladybug got ready for school, I started working,  etc., etc.

About two and a half hours into working my connection is severed.  Futile attempts of trying to get back online, resulted  in my wife having to ferry me to the office on account she had plans which included the van that day.  We noticed Wal Mart had gas for $2.36 a gallon which my wife made a mental note.

I was dropped off and started the rest of my day at work.  About twenty minutes later the phone rings.

Something happened already?  What could possibly happen in the past twenty minutes.

"Hello?"

"Hey Honey." she says, nervous and a bit on edge.

"What's the matter?  Is everything all right?"

"I.. uh.. kind of messed up the van... I messed the van up really bad..."

See as I got five kids, I didn't think it was an interior mess because she would have said it was their mess.

My mind start racing a million miles an hour.  We had talked about needing new brakes when I was getting out of the van.  I thought maybe she dropped the transmission.  Crap how the heck am I going to fix that.  They're stuck on the highway with a dropped transmission and I'm here at work.  How the hell am I going to get to them.  My baby is probably hungry.  Ladybug needs to be picked up.  What the heck does really bad mean??!?!

"What happened sweetie?"

"It was really crowded at Wal-Mart and I was waiting in line for gas.  There was this old man getting his gas and when he was done, I turned and there was this red pole thing, you know what I'm talking about?  But there was this red pole pillar thing and I must have misjudged where it was at and when I turned I hit it, well I didn't really hit it, it scraped along the side of the van and it's all dented and red."

"Can the doors open?"

"Yes the door can open, but it's really bad and it's really red and I'm really sorry."

"Are you and the kids okay?"

"Yes, but it's really bad."

"As long as you and the kids are okay and you can pick up Ladybug then everything is fine."

It went on for another minute or two.  I assured her it was okay and we'll be fine.  I wasn't angry and anger never entered my mind.  It was an accident.  But her description though made my over imaginative brain think of exactly how it looked.  She said it scraped along the side of it.  So I pictured a wrangled mess of metal and red paint where the pole pillar thing violated my car.

I pretty much saw this....


Great, we need to buy a new baby gate.

You see, this is totally something that I should have done and not her.  I'm the one that doesn't pay attention to what I am doing, not her.  She was really upset by this and felt pretty stupid for what happened.

Then she sent me a picture.


That's it?

That's it?!?!

I know it doesn't change things from her point of view.  But honestly it would have been fine before I saw this picture.

I don't have to buy a new baby gate.

Sure the picture doesn't get the depth of the damage, but it's not "scraped along the side of the van" like I imagined.  It's nothing that  a shop on the west side of town can fix or someone on craigslist can't fix for fifty bucks and a six pack of Miller Lite.

Heck, it's even something I could do myself.  I'd even corporate the fresh coat of red paint.

The Dragon Wagon

Yes, I know it's technically not a "dragon", but "Griffin Wagon" doesn't have the same swagger..

But you see.  Everything is fine.  Can my three readers assure my significant other that everything is fine?

Have a great day my friends.

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Injury Prone

Recently, a call for more toilet paper sent me to the utility room to snag a roll.  Leaning over to fish one out of the packaging, I turned around in a hurry and slammed my forehead into the edge of the door.

I let out a much required shout of pain sprinkled with a bit of "what the heck was that about?"

My children heard the cry of pain and MaddSkillz promptly came over to see if I was alright.  I could stand and didn't feel dizzy, but needed to sit down.  I told him I was fine and advised the other kids Daddy was alright.

When KC came into the room she asked what happened.  So I told her exactly how the events played out.  Which was the door had began closing without my knowledge and I didn't notice when I turned which caused my predicament.

Instead of an "are you okay?" or "do you need anything?", my wife in her loving way goes "how the heck did you do that?"

Seriously?

I guess I can't blame her, I have a history of getting hurt around the house.  One time I stood up and the cabinet door wasn't exactly where I remembered it and the corner of the door impaled me in my neck.  The pain was so intense I almost passed out in the kitchen.  There are toys all over the house, and when you're carrying a kid to another room in a hurry you don't always check your blind spots.  I've also tripped and fell over the baby gate quite a few times.

And I shouldn't forget the constant punches, kicks, elbow drops and head butts to the crotch.  It's like my kids were trained by Ric Flair or something.

But is that any reason for concern of my well being to be looked as an annoyance after I get hurt?

Sure I laugh if the kids fall from the couch and start crying.  Being a dad I have a power where I know when they're really hurt or just stunned.  It's one of my many powers.

Maybe that's a power my wife has as well.  She sees her dork husband trip, fall, slam, get knocked, impaled and crotched by various objects and people in the house and she knows automatically how severe my injury (because there is an injury) is.  So instead of laughing like I do to the kids, she gets annoyed.

Are you an injury prone person in your house?  Does your significant other get annoyed as well?  Or is this something I own.

Have a great day my friends.

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