Permission.

Check out this dude...


No it's not Justin Bieber (but it's obvious Justin stole my son's hair style).  It's MaddSkillz and he has his driver's permit.  So if you happen to be driving in San Antonio behind the Dragon Wagon, and if you see it make a turn and pretty much come to a complete stop before accelerating again.  That's MaddSkillz driving.

If you see the Dragon Wagon going the speed limit yet swerving.  That's me texting.

Congratulate my son.  And let's also hope a sentient robot from outer space with the ability to take the form of a Camero or Neon lands in our backyard before he turns sixteen.

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Hey, Where's Perry?

In pretty much every episode of Phineas and Ferb, someone always asks, "Hey Where's Perry?"

Well last night while giving the kids a bath, I found where one of the kids hid him...

Oh. There you are, Perry!

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Monday Nights.

Now that Dancing With the Stars is over, or how we like to say it, "DWTS".  What we will watch tonight in Boltonshire?

Like heck I'm watching Skating with the Stars.  I'm hoping KC will let me watch WWE RAW or last night's The Walking Dead tonight.  My wife isn't a fan of wrestling or zombies, even though she is of my wrestling zombies.

But more than likely she'll be watching Sarah Palin: Alaska as I make fun of the way Alaska people say "crevice".

It's Cre-vess.. not Crev-ass!!!

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Balance.

Son's Sippy Cup

or

The Remote


Ancient Boltonshire Prophecy states at least one must be lost at all times!  

If not, this will happen....






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Gideon.

Gideon
Early February 2005, with about five weeks of being married under our belts, KC decided she wanted a new dog.  Back then it was like Wesley and Buttercup, "As you wish!"  She had been disappointed I made an incorrect call about the size the dog we got the previous year was going to be.

I said he would be tiny, but Smitty got to be pretty dang big.  And wild!

She wanted a dog that would just sit in her lap or next to her and not tear things up like Smitty was privy to doing.  So we went to the Humane Society and found a dog she liked.

The dog was a mix of a chihuahua and a rat terrier and around five years.  At least that's what the paper said. He also has some weird name attached to him.  The names the animals have at the shelter are pretty random and I'm sure are named the way the are depending what was in eye sight of the animal intake administrator at the time.  So his name was probably something like Zyrtec. 

So we liked Zyrtec and took him home but changed his name to Gideon because he was really timid.  He liked to hide and roll himself up in blankets and the sleeve of my pullover.  He was very low maintenance compared to Smitty the hyper dog on speed.  But one thing we found out about him was he was a dribbler.  He'd walk and pee at the same time.  He'd pee and not even know it.  My carpet would know it, but he wouldn't.  The fact it was impossible to teach this old dog a new trick along with the fact KC was pregnant with Ladybug now (which is why she had the sudden urge to want something to nurture) made Gideon an outside dog.

About five weeks after moving into our house that same year, we came home and Gideon was sitting in the front yard.  We go to the back yard to see how he got out to find Smitty gone and a board was off the fence.  I concluded it was a CPS guy (the guy who reads the meters), he hopped the fence and pulled the board loose and eventually it fell.  We never found Smitty, but Gideon stayed.

A couple years later we took in a stray and named it Einstein (he looked like Doc Brown's dog from Back to the Future).  He too somehow got out, but Gideon stayed.

This year Happy ran into our home one evening during a freeze.  We took her in and put her in the backyard with Gideon.  Happy was a puppy and Gideon was now the old man from Up.  He'd tell people to get off his porch and then sit in the same spot all day.  He didn't take too kindly to the young whipper snapper, but eventually gave the pup a break.

They too would take adventures and find ways to get out of the backyard.  But they'd always come back. 

This past Wednesday, MaddSkillz went to the backyard for a minute with his friend.  He came to the back door holding Gideon nestled in his arms.  Gideon became MaddSkillz' dog.  Both by responsibility and the fact whenever we tried to make Gideon an inside dog, he always would choose MaddSkillz room to sleep and pee in.

"Gideon doesn't look good." He said as he cradled him.

"He'll be fine." I waved it off.  But what could I do, the dog is closing in on 12 years and I can't afford to take him to the animal hospital.

Thanksgiving morning.  I'm at the sink in the kitchen and I look outside at the holiday morning.  Happy is chewing something up as usual and Gideon is laying in the yard.  It's not unusual for him to be laying in the yard especially if he's found a nice patch of sun, but there was no sun.  I tapped on the window to get his attention.  Nothing.

I open the back door, which usually means food is on the way.  Nothing.

I knew he was gone.

KC is in the living room with the kids, and our huge living room window looks right out to where Gideon was laying.  I get her attention and try to get her to read my mind and look outside without drawing too much attention from the children.

Her response to my telepathic training was more annoyance than anything.  I finally get her to notice Gideon.  I close the blinds, and then we tell the kids what happened.  They seem a bit confused, but also seem to understand some.  KC tells me to go tell MaddSkillz.

I go and wake him up and break the news to him.  He hangs his head, but gets out of bed without another word.  We go outside and kneel next to Gideon.  His body is hard and cold.  My eyes are tearing and MaddSkillz is being really strong.  He is visibly upset at the loss of his friend.  He starts talking to Gideon and telling him how great and loyal a dog he was.  How Smitty and Einstein both ran away and Gideon always came back.

He asked what we were going to do with him, and I told him we were going to wrap him in bags and bury him.  I told him to pick a spot while we went to borrow a shovel from KC's brother.

 MaddSkillz had found a spade and was digging in front of Gideon's dog house when we returned.  We finished digging the hole and MaddSkillz placed Gideon's wrapped body inside.  Everyone threw dirt in the hole and we said goodbye to Gideon as we covered his body and filled the hole.

MaddSkillz was very mature and accepting.   I am so proud of him for the way he handled the situation.   Seriously, waking up on Thanksgiving morning and being told your dog died.  What's there to give thanks for?  We gave thanks for the loyalty that was Gideon.  We gave thanks for the memories we had of Gideon.  We gave thanks Gideon chose us as his family and to stay in our backyard.  We still gave thanks even though our backyard will never be the same.






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Shrinkage.

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HazMat Morning.

Celi's Room This Morning
So with it being Thanksgiving week, we don't have to deal with the headache which is getting Ladybug ready for school.  Couple that with Celi not waking up before God does, and we've had some okay mornings.

Well that was Monday.  Today is Tuesday so it had to end sooner or later right?

Emsters wakes up hungry and I begin to feed her.  The second I put the bottle in her mouth Celi wakes up crying.  So I prop Emsters up to finish her bottle and open the kids' room and I am hit with a wall of horrible odor.

It was the odor that parents have to tackle and makes non-parents appreciate their lifestyle.

After regaining consciousness, I got Celi out of there and woke up Disco fearing he was the culprit.  Changing Disco ruled him out of the suspect, which only left Celi.

And boy was she a suspect!!!  I had to get rid of the offending diaper so I took it out to the trash and came back to deal with the lingering intruder in the kids' room.  So I stripped the sheets and blankets and looked for something to mask eliminate the smell.  My search found we are a family with five kids who does not believe in buying Lysol apparently.  I couldn't find the lemon scented pledge and thought using the cinnimon Raid Ant and Roach killer would have not been a good idea in the long run.

I found a little spray jar that I usually spray when I know we have company coming over that gives them the idea our house always smells that way.  So I sprayed that...

Now the room smells like Spring Rain AND Poop! 

Yes, I realize with yesterday's pee story and today's poop story, there appears to be a pattern this week.  Have a great day my friends.

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Cuidado: Piso Mojado



So Disco went into the utility room the other day and within two seconds I heard him crying.  I went to the room to see what happened and his reply was, 

"I slipped in pee!"

Yes!!!  Potty Training Injury Stories...





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Progress.

Emsters started taking her first steps right before she turned 10 months old.  It was your standard hoist her up to her feet and she'd take two steps with the same foot.  Then it progressed.  I was counting the steps she would take and be happy for her, but KC thought I was putting too much pressure on the baby.

Seriously...


We have no coffee tables for her to skim around, so she'd just have to make her way around the couches and the fall out from the explosion of toys and clothes that litter the floor on any given day.

She's started walking more and more towards the end of last week  (a couple weeks shy of 11 months).  Her walking resembled that of a Michael Jackson Thriller Zombie.

Here's some instructions...



Now she's walking about 90% of the time when she is en route to a different location to put something in her mouth.

Her hands are lower to the ground now and her stride resembles more of an AMC's The Walking Dead Zombie.


More in control of her limb movements.  Pretty soon she'll be more like an I Am Legend Zombie where she can leap cars and climb buildings.

Progress!!

Isn't this a wonderful way to describe my baby girl?

Have a great weekend my friend.

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Wife Math

Guaranteed to solicit rolled eyes and "whatevers" from the one I love.  But 100% accurate..




Have a great day my friends..

And thank you for all the pleasant non-violent birthday wishes bestowed on me yesterday.

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The Last Thing I Need Is...

Today is my birthday, so I'm taking it easy.  Here's a post from Daddy Graphs about KC's needs.


Have a great day my friends.

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Parade of Cakes.

With Birthday Season over, I figured I'd show all the creative cakes and sweet confections we demolished in the past 30 days her in Boltonshire.


October 14 - Ladybug's Birthday:  Round Cake (not pictured) and Perry The Platypus Treats.


 These were supposed to resemble...


Ladybug's Reaction:

Uhhhhhh.. What the heck is that?!?
Oh there's the pink round cake on the right...


October 28th - Disco's Birthday:  Blue's Clues' House Cake.


This was supposed to resemble...


Disco's Reaction:

Heck Yeah!!!
November 6th - The Big Bolton Birthday Bash.

KC's friend made these cakes.  I wasn't even going to attempt them.

The Girls got Princess Cakes and Disco got a Firetruck
November 14th - Celebrating Celi's Birthday: Brobee Cookie Cake


This was supposed to resemble...



Celi's Reaction:



Awesome Daddy!!
I am just tired of cake.  My father in law gave us a bunch of pie and desserts from our Thanksgiving celebration this weekend.  I don't know if I should throw it away now or wait until Thursday so I won't fell as bad.

So if anyone want's anything, just let me know.

Have a great week my friends....






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Celi's Story

The other week, the topic of the kids' birth stories came up and we started reminiscing.  We'll always remember Ladybug's because she was our first child together.  Disco's is a story that was pretty emotional leading up to it and not easy to forget.  With Emsters, I've been blogging her entire life.  It's all documented there.  But what about my Celi Belly?

Yeah, we weren't too sure how her's went.  It took a lot of talking and confusing which delivery we were really at to put something together.

We seem to remember an elliptical, me sleeping fully dressed and stopping for a Monster Energy Drink en route to the hospital.  

Since this was our third baby in three years, people didn't care all that much.  You get less visitors, less congratulations and less time off from work apparently.  Or it could be that everyone that could make it to the first birth is now at home in the middle of the night watching your other two offspring.

Both are true.

Kristie We had chosen not to find out the sex of the baby.  So began the task of choosing the perfect name for our upcoming child.  KC is Hispanic.  I am white.  Our kids have white names.  Trying to convince schools to give them scholarships based on their background is going to be hard to believe looking at them and their names.  I thought it would be neat if we gave this next kid a strong Hispanic name.  I chose Joaquin for a boy and Araceli for a girl.

I'm not sure what was in the pre-natal vitamins, but KC approved them both.

Joaquin's middle name was going to be Alejandro.  We'd even change his last name to "Boltonerrez".

I pictured him to grow up looking something like this...


He'd be walking away from explosions with Salma Hayek's daughter.

MaddSkillz was against the name from the beginning.  I don't know what's wrong with that boy sometimes, but he's not really good at coming up with names.  Then as we got closer to the due date, KC started wavering on the name for a boy.

"Okay,  Eric 2.0"

She vomits in her mouth.

So I ask her if anything happens to her and it's a boy, what would you want to name him.  She said she didn't know.  I told her that if anything happens to her and it's a boy, I'm naming him Eric 2.0 and she can be mad at me from heaven if she so chooses.

Fast forward a few hours and it's go time.  The pushing, the yelling, the crippling of my fingers, preceded  the debut of my second daughter, Araceli Elena Bolton.

KC's response to Celi being born was, "Now I have my own!" Meaning since Ladybug was a Daddy's girl, she now has a girl she can claim as her own.

Yeah that didn't last long.


Happy 2nd Birthday Celi!  

Birthday Season is now over.









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Proud and Unbiased.

Have you ever been so proud of someone that words can not accurately express how your truly feel?  And the only way your mind and body can communicate the extreme pride you have for them are tears flowing down your cheeks?

Yeah.  That's the way I felt tonight as I watched my son put on amazing performances (that's right TWO) tonight at his school theatre presentation of William Shakespeare's "Macbeth".

Looks pretty good after dying TWICE!!

And of course my opinion is completely unbiased.

Amazing job, Son!

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Going Back to the Blogger's Court.


What you are about to witness is real. The participants are not actors (well one is). They are actual litigants with a case pending between each other. Both parties have not agreed to drop their claims and have their cases settled here before Juggling Eric's Three Jurors, in our forum: The Blogger's Court.

The Plaintiff: Maddskillz. He claims his mom and Eric should talk to his father about switching weekends next month for the weekend of December 11th.

The Defendants: Eric and KC. They state there is just no need to.



Plaintiff: Your Honor, I am requesting that I be allowed to switch custody weekends on account...

Defendant Mom: No!

Plaintiff: You never let me finish!!!

Defendant Mom: It doesn't matter, your case is not valid.

Plaintiff: My case is not valid? Of course it's valid. There's no reason why you shouldn't ask to switch weekends. We do it all the time.

Defendant Eric: This is about as valid as the time when you wanted to sue the toilet paper company for false advertising.

Plaintiff: No it's not. I think we should switch weekends because Grannie Bev is coming into town to celebrate Christmas with us that weekend.

Defendant Mom: Yes, we have already cleared it with him for the afternoon and until we're done. Your grandmother isn't one to pull many all nighters. Especially when she's flying in from New York. You still have the rest of the weekend with your father.

Plaintiff: But that doesn't make any sense. I won't be spending a lot of time with him that weekend. It won't be worth it.

Defendant Mom: Well explain to the judge what else you have going.

Plaintiff: It's T's birthday on Friday and I wanted to spend time with her on Friday night. Then Caleb has a birthday party on Saturday night I wanted to go too.

Defendant Mom: So it's not only about Grannie Bev coming into town. It has more to do with your other social activities.

Plaintiff: I'm going to get home from T's around 11. I will probably wake up around nine. I'll have to get ready for them to pick me up around one. Then I'd go to Caleb's afterwards and I will only see him on Sunday.

Defendant Eric: So wake up earlier on Saturday. Wake up at seven!

Plaintiff: Wake up at seven?!?!

[ - Plaintiff actually throws up in his mouth at this suggestion - ]

Plaintiff: I am not going to wake up at seven!!!

Defendant Eric: If you're not going to wake up earlier to spend time with your dad, this actually has nothing about not being able to spend time with your dad does it?

Defendant Mom: No, it's because he doesn't want to ask his father because he won't let him go to his friends houses on his weekend.

Defendant Eric: Sweetie, it was his turn to speak.

Defendant Mom: I know, I just get pissed when he doesn't give us the same consideration as his father. We're not switching weekends, we're only getting him for Grannie Bev's visit. He'll have to ask his father if he can go hang with his friends. We ask to switch weekends all the time for school and family stuff and he allows it. The holidays are already crazy as it is and all of our families will be doing stuff. There is no reason you can't ask your father the same way you do us.

Defendant Eric: I think we rest our case, Your Heinous.

So what does The Jury think? Should the Defendants request they switch weekends again with MaddSkillz father AGAIN, when he can totally ask his father if he can go to these events. Normally his father has a track record of not letting MaddSkillz go anywhere on his weekends. Or are the Defendants just being a couple of jerks by not giving into him. And yes, we would have let him go to all events on our weekend.


Let me know your verdicts below...











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Fantasy Football.


I usually don't comment on the graphs.  They're supposed to encompass an entire blogpost with just one image.  Yet, I feel compelled to expand on this one.

Every year I have an itch to play fantasy football.  I've done it a few times before hoping that it will give me some of my man card carrying privileges back because I will have to watch some form of football during the season.  Without fail I suck it up pretty bad and my attitude dissipates just as you see above.

This year was no different.  I was actually in two leagues.  One through Yahoo Fantasy Football (The Vanilla Midgets) with THIS DADDY, and the other through ESPN (Night Elf Mohawks) with my brother Ed.

As the graph states, I'm actually pretty excited pre-draft.  I think to myself, there is no way my random roster can be as bad as last time.  Oh I was wrong.  And when I do have an okay team, I go and screw it up when I drop people I don't know with names I recognize.

Case in point the 2008 Season:
Eric see's this quarterback on his roster and has no idea who the heck he is.  "Hey, Vince Young is available.  Even though I hate University of Texas, he was really good in the 2006 Rose Bowl against USC.  I'll drop this guy and get ol' VY!!"

Yeah that quarterback was Ben Roethlisberger of sexual assault allegations fame and even winning the super bowl at the end of that same stinkin' season!!!!!!!!!!!!1

How did Vince Young do that season??  I'll let Wikipedia sum it up for you...

"In the first game against the Jacksonville Jaguars Young injured his knee and was expected to miss 2 to 3 weeks. On September 15, Jeff Fisher made the decision to go with Kerry Collins and for Collins to remain the starter for the rest of the season. The Titans went on to finish 13-3 in the regular season with Young assuming back-up duties"

Yay me!

Currently with the Vanilla Midgets I'm 4-5.  I started off strong, but since I only ended up being a lurker and forgetting to change some of my players who had BYE weeks, I just go there to check.

As the Night Elf Mohawks I'm circling the drain at 2-7.  I'm pretty much a supply depot for my brother who really loves football and doing as bad as I am.  He just trades me his guys who aren't doing well for my okay guys.  He figures I stopped giving a stink about anything, both of us shouldn't be total losers.

So yeah.

My Brett Farve guy is doing okay though....

More explanation than you wanted to know about my graph.

What about you?? Do you at least attempt Fantasy Football??

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How to Throw a Hula Hoop into a Tree.

Yesterday I taught Ladybug how to Throw a hula hoop into a tree.  In case you were needing instructions.  Here you go.


Step 1: Firmly Grasp Hula Hoop.
Step 2: Launch Hula Hoop Backwards Towards Foliage.
Step 3: Pose with Results.



What fun things have you done with the kids lately?

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Cleaning.

Being the high class citizens we are here in Boltonshire, you would think it would be a socially acceptable fact to have hired help to manage the upkeep of our estate.  But we like to keep it real.  We're straight up hood like that.

Cleaning is a real chore in our family.  No one likes to do it and when we have to do it, it doesn't yield good results.

Our first obstacle is we're limited in space.  Our house is over 1500 square feet, with not so much storage space.  Part of  the appeal in getting this house was the amazing "family room" area that used to be the garage.  We pictured a place to relax or where a couple of our kids would play.  We quickly realized we had a bunch of crap that didn't really have a place for and yearned for a large storage area.  With my father moving in with us in 2007 and my wife continuously getting pregnant, we ran out of the little space we had pretty dang quick.

I really don't understand why babies aren't delivered with their own 10' x 10' room.

Having five kids, heck even having one kid, means you are constantly picking up after them.  Eventually you become so tired of picking up it just stays there.  With bed ridden wives,  constant overtime and sick kids and babies it's really hard to keep up.  Then when you have a break, you just want to relax and nothing gets done.

Sometimes we do take advantage of the extra time and hit the major areas in our house where stuff collects.  KC and I have different approaches to cleaning and each of us dislikes the way the other attempts to get it done.

The Eric Way:
Our room (the amazing family room as mentioned above) is where the laundry accumulates (both dirty and clean).  It's also the catch-all room when cleaning for guests.  So if I were to tackle the room, I would first consolidate everything.   I'd make distinct piles of the different categories of crap.

  • clean clothes
  • dirty clothes
  • toys
  • trash
  • miscellaneous crap
There could be a few piles of miscellaneous crap based on where it might go.  I would put the clean clothes away, either start some of the dirty ones or cram it in the laundry basket in the utility room.  I'd throw away stuff in the trash pile and want to throw away stuff in the toy pile.  If the stuff in the miscellaneous crap piles have a definite place, I'd put it where it belongs.   The other stuff without a permanent place, I'd put it to the side (usually on the shelves) and get to it when a place is found.  I take this same approach when I clean a cluttered desk.  I don't make it a priority to dust, I just want it free of clutter.

The KC Way:
There's no consolidating with her.  She will start at a certain point (i.e. her night stand) and focus on that particular place until it's clean.  Every paper and envelope will be checked.  She will then dust and clean that spot she was working on and then move to the next hot spot area.  Sometime during her process she'll have an idea about storage of something.

The Pros:
My way gets rid of the major clutter where I don't have panic attacks every time I enter a room.  Her way gets the hot spots cleared out and polished.

The Cons:  
While my way gets things off floors and out of the way of any traffic.  It does put stuff in areas not used where it can stack up with the intent of being put away once a place for it is found.  A place is usually never found.  Her way just takes for-friggin'-ever.  She can start at 9:30 in the morning and when she's done with the night stand she'll realize it's March.  Also, as a preamble to her idea about the storage of something she says, "I don't know how much it will cost, but....."

Obviously:
If we work together using both our methods, in theory we could get EVERYTHING done.  I'd go there there like gangbusters and she'd close it out all Flylady like.

More Than Likely:
That will never happen.  When she's in a cleaning mood, I have to follow her ways of doing it and my way overwhelms her.  So it's probably best if I don't involve her at all if I want the house clean before the Rapture.  Something that I'm sure she will never object too.

How goes  the cleaning in your house?

Have a great week my friends...



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Last Minute Party Plans.

Today is the kids' birthday party.  We're total procrastinators and we forgot it's good party etiquette to supply party swag bags for the guests.  With only a few hours until the party, KC has the car and I'm trying to squeeze in some overtime, I had to throw some together with what we had at the house..



The Party Swag Bags Include:

  • (1) Jar of Baby Food (Various Flavors / Brands)
  • (1) Lipton Tea Bag
  • (1) AA Battery (Various Brands and might now work)
  • (1) Restaurant Condiment Packet (Various Restaurants)
  • (1) Rose Art Crayon (Various Colors) - Some bags might have 2, but only because the one broke
  • (1) Nasonex Brand Nasal / Allergy Spray
I hope the kids at the party don't mind.





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I Got Records on My Fingers.

I haven't had much time to blog this week which is why my blogs have been short and filled with pictures. Friday is no exception.  So for Friday's when I don't have anything to post, I'll just post my kids' and their father's favorite cartoon clips from youtube.

That cartoon is of course Phineas and Ferb.  It surpassed Spongebob at the beginning of summer.  So here you go.  If you appreciate Phineas and Ferb, enjoy.  If you don't, learn to, then come back and enjoy.

Because old white guys rapping and spinnin' the one's and two's is funny.



Have a great weekend my friends...  Don't let the Platypus control you..

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Pet Peeve.

Ladybug is in Pre-K now and she rules the school.  That being said, she was invited to her first school mate birthday party.  But the thing about school, you have to invite everyone or no one.  Which is why we opted to invite no one to the kids' party this weekend.

So he're the invite she brought home...


Nice huh?? But if you look closely you'll notice the biggest pet peeve I have in all the world...



Ugh!!!

What's funny is my brothers won't know what's wrong with it either...

What are some of your pet peeves?

Have a great day my friends..



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This or That.

I took the kids to Party City the other day.  I took pictures of them wearing a Curious George mask.  Sure they look like a google of monkeys, but I think they look like they have the skills to pull off a bank heist like one in Point Break.


What do you think my three readers, Creepy Monkeys or Piggy Bank Robbers??

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Bathtime.

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The Wedding.

So the other day after my daughter made me her special soup,  Ladybug had another surprise for us.  I log off from work and go into the living room where Ladybug tells us there is going to be a wedding.

Okay?


My wife had a it's cute but I'm slightly scared smile on her face.

"There's going to be a wedding and you are going to marry Mommy here in the living room." Ladybug tells me.

She had cleaned up all the toys and mess in the room and planned it all out.  What was I supposed to do but go along with it?

She made me stand by the window in our living room and instructed KC to come into the room and walk to me.

Disco was on photography duty.

Here comes the bride.....

 

KC then met me at the window, where Ladybug got on the couch and whispered in my ear.

"Kiss her now."



Instead of cake, Ladybug prepared heaping bowls of strawberry yogurt.


Which we fed each other...



... and we lived happily ever after...

Not Pictured, Ladybug and MaddSkillz

I have no idea where she got the idea for us to be married, but it was very very sweet.  Maybe she read Nicholas Sparks' The Wedding.

Have a great week my friends.









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