Parenting Books Suck Survival Tip #16

Did you know I was writing a parenting book?  Yep.  It's a work in progress and these are the notes.

Previous Tips - 4 / 8 / 15


Ladybug's Lunch Bags Week Three

I don't get to see Ladybug off to school in the morning, so I decorate her lunch bags everyday to let her know I'm thinking about her.

Weeks OneTwo

MONDAY - Shamu - This one was done when the storm took the power out Sunday night

TUESDAY - A Ladybug. Reasons apparent.

WEDNESDAY - Spectacular Spider-Man - FRONT
WEDNESDAY - Spectacular Spider-Man Logo - BACK

THURSDAY - Dino. Per request from Nana.  Unfortunately Ladybug did not know who it was. 

FRIDAY - Johnny Test.  One of her favorite cartoons before we axed cable.

I realize the picture quality sucks, but I think I figured out what is wrong with the camera on my phone.  The quality of the photos should be better next week.

Have a great day my friends.


Fantasy Football Results Week Three.

Week three of the Fantasy Football season is over.

This week:  El Supremo Maximos (1-1) versus Team Pace (2-0).

This week the third ranked (in their division) Maximos took on division leaders Team Pace.

Ugh.  Another I don't have time to come up with a catchy' hey I'm funny douchey name' team!

You know, I should really watch what I say because these guys are going to be at my brother's  (The Thunder Dumplings) wedding this weekend.  Then again, I'm delusional if I think anyone other than my wife, mother and mother-in-law actually read this blog.  So I can pretty much talk as much crap as I want to.

Well the Maximos were the underdogs going in.  I could tell you the reason, but I have no clue who is on my team let along the opposing team.  So me telling you why some other team is better than mine would make me look idiotic.  I'm so short sighted when it comes to managing, I don't even look to see who I'm playing the following week.  I base it all off of who screwed up the week prior, I get all Frank Castle AND I PUNISH THEM!!!

Just ask the wife of my former kicker Nate Kaeting.  He lost his leg in a Michael Vick dog fight and I dropped him like phat beat.  I'm not all about, "Let's go team!  You guys do great no matter what the score is", "We didn't lose, we ran out of time!!"


Threatened terroristic style punishment is the excellent coaching skills I showed this weekend.  El Supremo Maximos were projected to lose to Team Pace, but guess what!

El Supremo Maximos pulled the upset and won by a score of 107 to 74.

Team Pace?!?  More like Team.... uh... Face.. As in... "in your....."


Now this win is very important for the Maximos.

From my initial FF Post.
 - I will win two of the first four games and then go on a eight game losing streak.

With my two wins out of the way, it is nothing but DOWNHILL from here.  My team is like the Houston Texans of Fantasy Football.

El Supremo Maximos (2-1) take on the SA Scikotics (2-1)

The Scikotics get bonus points for having a non-douchebaggery name.  From the last two teams I played, he should get bonus points for having a name at all.  This team is managed by another one of my brothers.

I will be making no changes since I've done okay the past two games and no one has a bye just yet.

How did your teams do?

Have a great day my friends.


Like O My G!!!

Depending on which syllable you emphasize, you can change the meaning or context of a particular word or phrase.

Let's try the phrase, "Oh my goodness!"

One way it can be said is, "oh my GOODness!!" - Emphasis on the GOOD.  Used as expression of delight.  Something so pleasant to look at that it hurts.  Used on September 24, 2001 when Eric walked into a building and saw KC for the first time and thought she was the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.

Another way it can be said is, "oh my goodness..." - no emphasis on anything. Actually a de-emphasis as the words come out of your mouth.  Used as an expression of disbelief.  Not to be taken as a good thing.  Used on September 24, 2001 when KC sees Eric walk into a building and silently prays that he stop looking at her and walk back out the buildling.

Tomorrow will be the ten year anniversary from when KC and I first met.  Sunday will be the ten year anniversary from when I knew I loved her and would do anything for her for the rest of my life.

While a lot of things have changed, there's one thing that hasn't.

She can still make me say, "Oh my goodness!"

And she still says, "oh my goodness..."

Have a great weekend my friends.


Parenting Books Suck Survival Tip #15

Did you know I was writing a parenting book?  Yep.  It's a work in progress and these are the notes.


Ladybug's Lunch Bags Week Two.

I don't get to see Ladybug off to school in the morning, so I decorate her lunch bags everyday to let her know I'm thinking about her.

Ladybugs's Lunch Bags Week One

Here's last weeks bags and where I start getting critical of myself...

MONDAY - A Hideously Deformed Boots.  I don't know why he is so happy.
TUESDAY - Mario the Pizza Guy.
WEDNESDAY - Barney the Dinosaur with Fluid in his Patella.
THURSDAY - Nemo.  My Favorite of the Week.
FRIDAY - A Stiff Cookie Monster

 And the thing is, I'm the only one that sees the flaws in them.  To Ladybug, they look just like the original ones.  Since I do it all in marker, I can't erase and I feel bad if I keep throwing out bags I messed up on.

My wife made a good point Sunday night.  If I do this EVERY SCHOOL DAY there's going to be over close to 200 of them.  Right now it's part of my evening routine, but I'm going to run out of characters sooner or later.  Any requests from the readers?

Have a great day my friends.


Fantasy Football Results Week Two.

So it's Week 2 of my attempt at Fantasy Football this season.
This week: El Supremo Maximos (0-1) vs Team Lora (0-1)
If this was a televised game, you can bet no one would want to watch it.  You have a team that is only there as a place holder until it can be picked apart later in the season, then you have Team Lora.
I honestly believe that my brother put his friend on the schedule as a place holder.  A just in case in case he can play later. 
So I came into week two after a humiliating defeat against my brother's team the Thunder Dumplings. 
Queue the hysterical laughter of all the 17-37 year olds douchebags who watch Tosh.O.
And if you remember I expressed my hatred for the Pittsburge Steelers Defense.  Now I wouldn't have won if they did any better.  I was just disappointed with their negative debut.  Then there was the rare incident when grizzly bear attacked my kicker, Nate Kaeting, and tore his leg off,  Thus causing him to be out for the season.
So I stated I was going to bench the Steelers D out of being pissed and replace them with the Chargers Defensive.
A response to my blog threatened me with bodily harm advised me it was best to keep the Steelers D.  I confirmed this with a co-worker who mirrored the other threat advice.
I kept the Steelers and they scored the fifth highest in FF scoring.  Did I mention how much I love the Steelers?
My top scorers were:
Drew Brees: 22
LeSean McCoy: 23
Fred Jackson: 25
Jeremy Maclin: 29
They all contributed to my 126 to 60 DECIMATION of the uncoached, unattended, place holder team.
Expect the following players to be run over by combine harvesters in the next five days:
Drew Brees
LeSean McCoy
Fred Jackson
Jeremy Maclin

Next week El Supremo Maximos (1-1) will go head to head with Team Pace (1-1).
Oh and one of my predictions about the season from my first Fantasy Football Post was that Tony Romo will be injured.  Well yesterday he decided to crack a few ribs.  Sure he won the game, but he didn't really let me down.  I expected it.

How did your team do?

Have a great day my friends.  


Parenting Books Suck Tip #8


Ladybug's Lunch Bags

Ladybug started Kindergarten this year.  A perk of going to school all day is she can get a snack in the afternoon.  We have to supply the snack and she takes it like she would a sack lunch.  Since I am not at home in the morning to see her off, I leave started to leave her a little Daddy's thinking of you reminder.

I started drawing pictures on her lunch bag.  At first it was a ladybug, then a little girl.  Then a random cartoon dog and then a turtle.  I decided I should start taking pictures of them to journal.

Here are the ones from last week.

TUESDAY - Perry the Platypus

WEDNESDAY- Larry and Bob from Veggie Tales

THURSDAY - Oopsy Bear

FRIDAY - Hello Kitty

I like to think she gets excited when she sees them waiting for her in the morning.  Then when she's at school, her friends wait in anticipation to see what cool bag design she has today.

Have a great day my friends.


Fantasy Football Results Week One.

Week One: El Supremo Maximos vs. Thunder Dumplings
El Supremo Maximos: 70
Thunder Dumplings : 106

I should have won on spec alone on account of the obnoxious "it's obvious I spend most of my time watching Comedy Central" name of my brother's team.

I was creamed and I would like to thank some people for that accomplishment.

The Pittsburgh Defense

With them I scored -3 in total points.  NEGATIVE THREE.  Of all the defensive teams available, they are in dead last.  The team that is second to last is the Kansas City Chiefs.  Also owned by me.


I hate you Steelers Defense.  I hate you.

Then there's the guy I always have but never knew who he was.  Nate Kaeding (kicker).  Here's a picture of him from the game on Sunday.

 Yep, this happened during the game.  His leg fell off or something and he's out for the season.


So this is the game plan for next week,  bench the Steelers D and replace them with my third defensive team, The San Diego Chargers.  I will then watch the Steelers get the most points ever sitting on my bench.  They will laugh at me and it will not phase me because I expect them to do good once I sit them down.

I'm going to trade Nate Kaeding for some other kicker I don't know, Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr or something.  Only for ET to come down from the skies and touch Nate's leg and watch it grow back.  Then he'll have the best season of his life!!!

Everything else will stay the same.

Except Drew Brees will be attacked by a mountain lion still on the loose in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.  That's just the way it is.

Next Opponent: Team Lora (0-1) - The only team to score less than I did.  Even though they don't even have a real team name, I still do not have high hopes.


Power Ranger Pattern Mystery Solved

Has your kid ever noticed something you didn't?  I'm not talking about the obvious stuff like mom's eyebrows after she had them done and the such.  I'm talking about things that you didn't even know they needed to be noticed.  Whether it's a connection they didn't realize existed or just something pops out to them based on how they look at things.  Ladybug did this the other day.

Let me introduce you to some people.

These are the Zeo Power Rangers.   From left to right is: Blue Zeo Ranger Three; Yellow Zeo Ranger Two,  Red Zeo Ranger Five,  Pink Zeo Ranger One, Green Zeo Ranger Three.

The kids love them some Power Rangers.  Since we got Netflix they've devoured a couple seasons already.  One of their favorites is Power Rangers Zeo (the third incarnation of Power Rangers).  They're pretty much the same as the original Power Rangers, but they get their power from "Zeo Crystals" and their uniforms are lame.

Anyways, Ladybug came up to me one evening and told me she figured out why the Zeo Rangers had their respective numbers.  I was probably busy with something so I gave her the patented parental uncommitted, "Oh yeah?" not really paying attention.  She started to explain (again with me not really listening), when she said something that caught my attention.

"Say that again, Ladybug."

"Their numbers are the same as the shapes on their helmets."

She then went on to explain...

Pink Zeo Ranger 1 has a circle with one line around.

Yellow Zeo Ranger 2 has two ovals.

Blue Zeo Ranger 3 has a triangle with three sides.

Green Zeo Ranger 4 has a rectangle with four sides.

Red Zeo Ranger 5 has a star with five points.

I looked at her in amazement.  Not because she discovered her own Zeo Crystal or anything, but because of the extrodinary astute observation she had made.  It's one of those things that as far as I know is not mentioned in the season (I've only maybe seen a few episodes and none of those all the way through), and she managed to see the pattern.  I'm sure the original designers from the Japanese show intended it that way, but I was proud of my daughter for her processing ability.

I brought it up to MaddSkillz who was equally amazed as I was (probably even more so since he watches it with the kids and didn't catch it himself). 

While it's painfully obvious NOW since it's been pointed out, don't go saying you knew about this or figured it out just by looking because you didn't.  Or else it would be under the trivia section on IMDB (which it isn't).

While writing this, I remembered MaddSkillz told me how later in the season a Gold Ranger joined the team as the sixth member.  So I Googled the image just to see if the pattern kept.

And it did.


I should have her watch LOST with me to see if she can solve all the mysteries that were left hanging at the send of the series.

Have a great week my friends.


My Why.


Sticking it to Time Warner.

In an effort to minimize our bills, a little over a month ago we decided to cancel our cable.  It's come up about every year, but we never really followed through.  Not that I watch a butt load of TV, but I did have some TV shows I felt I could not do without.

Specifically LOST.

Then to a lesser extent the children's programming for the kids.

Well LOST is no longer around so there's nothing I'm totally committed to where I would have anxiety attacks if I missed it.  Maybe Breaking Bad, but I'm sure I could catch up somehow.

Anyways, when it was proposed to cancel the cable, the kids were upset.  Ladybug even started to cry.  They weren't going to be able to watch Power Rangers Samurai which is their most favoritest show ever.  But I was quick to concede to cancel the cable because Santa brought the kids the Wii for Christmas and it has the ability to stream Netflix.

So we dropped the sixty-plus dollar a month in favor for one that costs $8.99.

We're not doing the mail order one because I have enough crap coming into the house and I don't need the responsibility of returning something when I'm done.  Libraries don't like me.

The concern about what to watch for the kids was quickly subsided when they realized there's SIXTEEN POWER RANGER SERIES available to choose from.

The Emsters and Destiny would partake in some Yo Gabba Gabba goodness.  While KC has a weakness for ABC Family shows and caught up on Make it or Break it, and beat me to Mad Men.

Since my schedule SUCKS.  I don't have time to commit to anything, but when I get some time for decompressing or to myself, I started Dr Who and Firefly.  Both of which I've never seen a single episode and both of which no one else in my family has any interest in watching with me.

I'm okay with this.

Have a great day my friends.


Parenting Books Suck

So I decided I'm going to write a parenting book and call it Parenting Books Suck.  Not so much directed at parents writing books about their experiences, but more of books telling me how to raise a child.  So in the process I will be posting notes from my progress.

Like below.

Sure it's unconventional, but so are my kids.

Have a great day my friends.


The Danger Zone of Coolness

I was at the gas station the other day and there was a song playing that brought back a memory which prompted this post.

This Guy is Cool.
There are two questions that I get asked a lot by various people.  The first is "Hey Eric, how do you stay so skinny??"  For the answer I tell them to click this link.  The other question is, "Hey Eric, have you always been the pinnicle of coolness that you currently portray yourself as?"  For the answer to that question, I tell them to read the story below.

High School Senior year.  I was taking this class that was pretty much a blow off.  It was a pilot course given by one the speech teachers the second semester called "Audio/Video Technology" or something.  There was no curriculum that I can remember.  The teacher had no clue what to do, so we spent most of the time talking about what Naughty By Natures' "OPP" song meant and stuff just as revelant. 

Yeah, I had no idea.  I thought it was "OCP" and it stood for "Oreo Cookie Posse"

Cool Point 1.

One time they were talking about the MTV Video Music Awards or something and didn't understand how Beavis and Butt-Head were on the live show presenting.  I tried to explain the concept of previously taped and the teacher brushed me off.  It took about five minutes of debating with her on how it's not a new concept and anyone who's watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit would have an idea of how it can be done.

Cool Point 2.

So when this teacher finally decided we were going to do a video project, it was concluded each of us would do a music video.  I hated it.  I had no real personal interest in music at the time.  The only music I knew were the movie soundtracks I had on CD and the mix tape my dad made of his record albums from the 70's he played constantly in the minivan.

Cool Point 3.

Seriously, he played it ALL the time.  It's so ingrained in my brain from the constant repetition that if I hear Jeremiah was a Bull Frog, I expect to hear  Iitsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini to play after it.

So here I was in class about to do a music video and I had no idea what music would not have been socially damaging to my reputation.

Please let the genre be "Your Dad's Mix Tapes"..... Please let the genre be "Your Dad's Mix Tapes".....

Well the genre turned out to be movie soundtracks.


Oh wait.  I remembered my CD library of soundtracks.  The Doors, Batman Returns, The Bodyguard (don't ask) and Top Gun.

Cool Point 4.

I totally didn't want to do a Doors video on account I didn't have the hair to pull off Jim Morrison.  Batman Returns would be cool if I dressed as Michael Keaton's Batman and beat the crap out of people to the sounds of Danny Elfman, but since there is NO lyrics in the soundtrack, that was out.  And no black girls would let me carry them around in a video to pull off Bodyguard.

So I went with Top Gun by default.  And it's not like Top Gun was a recent movie.  This was 1993 and Top Gun came out 1986.  Other people were doing Boyz in the Hood and Waynes World.  Me, I was going Kenny Loggins.

Cool Point 5.

Now if you're familiar with the Top Gun soundtrack there's only a few recognizable songs on the album.  One of the more obscure ones was "Playing with the Boys" by Kenny Loggins.  It's the beach volleyball scene where they're all looking like a bunch of douches with their shirts off and Ray Ban glasses. 

Let's face it, at 18 I wasn't as Pec-Tacular as I am now, and instead of Ray Bans, my parents got me Roy Bans.  Seriously.  They said Roy Ban on the side and looked nothing like Ray Bans.

Cool Point 6.

Now a couple more songs were "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" and "Take My Breath Away".  Loving Feeling was the scene in the bar where they serenade the chick and Breath Away was the make out scene with the chick.  Well remember what I said about not having a black girl to carry around as The Bodyguard?  There were actually no chicks of any color that I knew (who knew me in return) that would allow a video with me in those scenarios.

Cool Point 7.

So the obvious choice from the Top Gun soundtrack was "Danger Zone" (which is the song I heard to prompt this post). 

Well, the videos were going to be shot on the stage in the cafeteria in ONE SHOT and we were to lip synch to the music from a CD player off stage. 

Top notch quality I tell you.

I already had the military haircut because I was in JROTC.

Cool Point 8.

So I started planning the direction of my video, what I would wear do etcetra.  I'd use my Roy-Bans and leather jacket I'm not sure how I obtained.  I remember asking my parents for a leather jacket one year and for Christmas I got this fruity puffy yellow, red and blue coat.  After I got it, I had to look up in the dictionary if leather actually meant "fruity puffy yellow, red and blue coat".  I also wondered if they thought we moved from San Antonio to Wisconsin.
Now I just needed F-14.
How was I going to get an F-14?? 

I know!! I'll make one I thought.  I just needed poster board. 

I then cut it out in the form of an "F-14".  I now just needed a a way to hold it while in the video.  I then made it 3-D by cutting slots for more posterboard to make a wing to come thru the slots and taped together.  I would then put my forearm through it and hold it like a shield.

I just made an "F-14 Tomcat Posterboard Shield"  Who else in the entire entire history of the world has ever said that?

Cool Point 9.

So the day of the video shoot came and the teacher informed us we only got one shot to do the video.  So there were no re-takes or different cuts.  It's cool.  I had my BAMFn "F-14 Tomcat Posterboard Shield".  I was going to kill. 

Now I understood it was going to look cheesy.  A stinkin fake plane with a gangly kid with fake sunglasses lip synching to a song from a movie from the previous decade, sticking out of it does not even sound cool.  But I was going for creativity with a side order of cheese.

Now it's my turn.

I get set up, they push record on the cam-corder and play on the CD player. I start my move set thinking I'm awesome.  I'm actually friggin Pete "Maverick" Mitchell buzzing the tower and shooting MiGs.

I've added some illustrations to give you a better idea.

Now Dangerzone is 3 minutes 38 seconds long.  With about 3 minutes and 20 seconds left in the song, the plane's integrity starts to give way.  The nose cone starts to sway, the rudder begins to flop and the wing starts to fall apart, when all of a sudden it crashed and burned on the stage floor.

Cool Point 10.

I look at my teacher and she does the finger-rolling thing and mouths "keep going".

Seriously?!?  My prop is dead and I'm standing her like a doof with a pile of posterboard that used to be my plane.

Keep going.

So I improvise.  I stretch my arms out and I start running around in a figure eight formation.  Like a 4 year old kid in Roy-Bans, I'm skipping across the dang stage BEING FILMED for my music video for the next three minutes.

Cool Point 11.

Do I need to continue on about how cool I am?

I think I made my point totally clear.  Have a great week my friends.


Cheering the Bad Guy.

I enjoy watching the spectacle which is professional wrestling.  When I go to events, I'm the obnoxious guy cheering for the bad guys and complaining the ref has something against them when the good guy wins.  I don't have anything against the good guy really, it's because the bad guy is pretty awesome. And I just like to tick people off in the crowds.

Reverend Shaw Moore played by John Lithgow
Later this year I will be cheering another bad guy.

We just found out MaddSkillz is set to play Reverend Shaw Moore in his school's upcoming adaptation of Footloose this semester.  

Right now, he's a somewhat bummed he didn't get Ren (played by Kevin Bacon in the original movie).  It's his Senior year and he wanted the main role.  It's understandable he was wanting the part, but in my opinion the antagonist is better than his counterpart.  They're so set and so passionate in their mission, they can just exude invincibility and greatness.  Even when their ideals are skewed.

MaddSkillz is going to be that great antagonist.  The craft that he has honed the past few years of acting is going to just explode on stage later this year.

And I for one could not be prouder of my son.  Because I know he will be an awesome bad guy.


Game Time: Tackling the Past Movie Review

I was given a chance to view an advance screening of Game Time: Tackling the Past [website], the latest collaboration between Wal-Mart and Proctor and Gamble and their Family Movie Night [facebook].  The movie will premiere on Saturday September 3rd, on NBC at 8PM/7PM central.  This is the third movie I've screen for Family Movie Night and P&G’s movies are great in quality with regards to production and morals.  This months movie, Tackling the Past deals with the issue of being selfless and working together as a team.

As you can tell from the title, the movie has to do with football. Jake Walker (Ryan McPartlin from Chuck) is an all-star professional football player. He plays for a fictional Memphis NFL team (Tight End I believe) and holds all the team records. His lucrative multi-year contract just ended and he's in his option period and has no reason to believe he isn't going to remain on the team. During the pre-season practice we find out he just had major knee surgery and he isn't as fast as he was last year. Regardless, in an after practice news interview he promises that he's going to stay on the team that he brought to their current level and he's going to break all his records this season.

But back in his hometown in North Carolina, his father (Beau Bridges) and brother coach a struggling high school football team. It comes across that Jake hasn't been home in years and there's resentment from his brother and father. After dinner dad has a heart attack, and because Jake is schmoozing the teams with his agent doesn't answer the phone. Eventually he returns home to adoring fans and a family that is proud of him for what he's accomplished, but not for how he's acted.

The story deals with the idea of teamwork and sacrifice of one owns personal goals.

Proctor and Gamble has done a terrific job of producing movies that are family friendly, with excellent production and recognizable cast members. MaddSkillz watched some of it (but had to go to bed) and KC followed along with me. It's totally a movie a family can enjoy together.

Game Time: Tackling the Past will premier on Saturday September 3rd, on NBC at 8PM/7PM central.

“I wrote this review while participating in a campaign by Dad Central Consulting on behalf of P&G and received a promotional item to thank me for taking the time to participate.”


What to Expect in Fantasy Football This Year.

It's that time of year again.  It's time for Fantasy Football.  It's the time of year where I try to pretend I should have a man card by attempting to act like I know what I'm doing.

But the thing is, I have no clue as to what I'm doing.

I originally saw KC's uncle was scouting for a league, so I asked if I could take a spot in order to come across as manly.  I was invited but found out they have actual Draft Parties and you have to do homework.

Aw Hell Naw!!!

I'm more of the, "let the system automatically pick the crappiest team for me" type of guy.  So I went to the league my brother has that requires less commitment.

This weekend is the start of the season and the start of the sham I put forth when attempting to play Fantasy Football with my brother's league.


  • I will have a team filled with players I do not know and maybe a couple of whom I know.  In this season's case it's Drew Brees and Tony Romo.
  • Drew Brees will have his worst season ever.
  • Tony Romo will be injured.
  • I have Nate Kaeding (Kicker) for the third season in a row and I still have no idea who the heck he is.
  • I will win two of the first four games and then go on a eight game losing streak.
  • Half my defense will be involved in some sort of scandal of sending dirty pictures to underage girls.
  • No matter who I have on my bench they will score more points than my active players.
  • The league I'm in will have my brother and his friends name their teams the most douche baggery names ever.  
  • My brother will call Tony Romo, "Tony Homo" at least ninety-seven times this season.
  • The same brother will call the Cowboys, "the Cowgirls".
  • He'll also think the Texans have a chance at anything.
  • My team after the first three games of the losing streak will be left to fend for themselves while I abandon them.
  • The pile of crap which is my team will be salvaged and picked apart by the other teams requesting trades with guys I am not utilizing.
We'll see in 12 weeks how much of this is correct.

Have a great day my friends.