The Case of the Tim McGraw Tickets [Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire]

Today on Facebook, I posted about a gift I wanted for my anniversary.  It's been eight years. Eight years is bronze apparently so I requested a bronze sword.  My loving wife threw down the, "Not Until I Get Tim McGraw Tickets" Card.  

This wasn't the first time it happened.  It happens anytime there's an event where I want something.  

Plus a sword is very practical when you have three daughters.

Here is a post from Juggling Eric in February of 2010 that I was reminded of when she denied me again....


What you are about to witness is real. The participants are not actors. They are actual litigants with a case pending between each other. Both parties have not agreed to drop their claims and have their cases settled here before Juggling Eric's Three Jurors, in our forum: The Blogger's Court.





The Plaintiff: Kristie. She claims the defendant her husband dropped the ball when it came to getting Tim McGraw concert tickets for this upcoming weekend's show. She's seeking tickets that are not sitting next to cumulus clouds.

The Defendant: Eric. He claims that he got mixed signals from his wife when it came to purchasing the event tickets.

Plaintiff: My husband knows that Tim McGraw is my most favorite person ever on this earth, and he had plenty of knowledge and time to purchase the tickets when I informed him of the upcoming concert this past November. It is now February, the concert is on February 6th and I have no tickets.

Defendant: The Plaintiff called me at work on the day she found out about the concert. Knowing my wife's unhealthy admiration for the country star, I pulled up Ticketmaster.com and searched for two reasonably priced tickets for the event.

Plaintiff: Yeah, nose bleeds.

Defendant: Reasonably priced! The only options at the time were $200.00, $54.00, and $25.00 tickets. I had two $25.00 tickets ready for purchase and asked her if that was okay and she said she didn't know.

Plaintiff: Why couldn't he just surprise me?

Defendant: This was going to be a major purchase. How was she going to be surprised? She's the one who balances the check books. She sees a purchase from ticketmaster, she'll know I would have gotten the tickets.

Plaintiff: I would have been surprised!! Hello?!?

Defendant: Honestly, I believe it had to do with the location of the tickets. They were the least expensive tickets available. She wanted the tickets where Tim McGraw's sweat would land on her.

Plaintiff: I've given him four kids personally, I see no problem with that.

Defendant: It's not that I'm a cheap skate, I could not in good faith buy $200.00 tickets for anything.

Plaintiff: We paid $150.00 for two tickets to WrestleMania.

Defendant: They were the cheapest available and we cleared it with you as well.

Plaintiff: Then what about the mid-range tickets?

Defendant: The $54.00 tickets were TWO ROWS in front of the $25.00 tickets! I was being reasonable. I highly doubt that Tim's audio level will change much in six feet.

Plaintiff: So you think. I was totally fine with you getting one $200.00 ticket and then you can have your El Cheapo ticket.

Defendant: Why not I just stay in the car then. That way you can tell Tim all about the dream you had about him and how it was "pleasant".

Plaintiff: I object to the relevance of that statement. If money was a factor, you could have gotten them when you bought my Christmas presents. Who buys their wife an iron and oven mitts for Christmas?

Defendant: I asked her repeatedly if she wanted me to get them for her. Each time the answer was "I don't know." She never brought it up herself.

Plaintiff: This goes back to the whole, just surprise me.

Defendant: Ugh. If we don't have the money, the surprise would have been that the electricity would have been shut off right before they repossessed our van. Then she brings it up THIS WEEK, a few days from the concert.

Plaintiff: I was just testing the waters to see if I would be getting them.

Defendant: Well her subtle hint lead me to the computer again to purchase the tickets.

Plaintiff: Yeah, and who was going to watch our kids on short notice?

Defendant: So I was going to buy only ONE ticket.

Plaintiff: I would have a hard enough time getting around town by myself as it is. I wouldn't know how to get to the concert.

Defendant: And I have offered to purchase a GPS for her months ago as well and she said the same thing!!! I rest my case.



Who is guilty? Who is innocent? The testimonies have been set before you. Now it's up to you. Who was right? Does Eric need to hurry up and get the tickets or does Kristie just need to wait until next time?



Welcome to Boltonshire.

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The Day That Changed My Life [ Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire ]

I used to blog all the time.  I have almost 500 posts over the 3 years I have been blogging.  I know I have newer readers who are for some reason interested in the events in Boltonshire, so I post the old stuff for them to catch up.

The following post is from September 24, 2009.  So keep that in mind when I give the current dates.



Eight years ago today, I met someone that changed my life forever. I had been laid off my previous job for almost a month, and today was the first day of training at my new job. I walked up to the front doors of the building not really knowing what to expect. At this point in my life, I preferred when I was by myself and not having to meet, impress, or deal with new people. So, I took a deep breath and walked inside. I'm greeted by the receptionist who is probably still on high alert since 9/11, and asks me to have a seat to wait for the instructor to bring me back. I walk to the designated area and that's when I see her.

There she was sitting in a chair that is also in the "designated area". She was looking down at a book, folder, binder, or planner. I only scanned her over for a second, but it is one of those memories that I can playback in my mind with no detail lost. It's like the movie "Click", with Adam Sandler. He's able use a "universal remote" and access different parts of his life to view them. He is able to pause the memory, but not interact. This is one of those times I would just pause time and take in the beauty of the scenery.

In those few seconds, I knew that she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her hair was dark brown with a bit of wave to it that fell just below her shoulder. She wore a maroon blouse which also accentuated my interest because maroon is my favorite color. She sat with her legs crossed in a black skirt and black hose. Her matching shoes completed the picture of beauty that was presented before me.

I walked up to sit in the chair next to her. She looked up at me then back to her book/folder/binder/planner. That brief eye contact did it for me. Inside my head, my mind was racing "Who is this chick?" "I hope she's in my training." "She's beautiful." "Oh crap, I have a girlfriend." When she had looked at me, there was the polite smile "hello", but there was no "moving her hair behind her ear" technique that chicks use to flirt with guys. But that didn't matter. Even though I may never see this woman again, I was at that time sitting next to the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

Well it turns out that she was starting training that day. YES!!! I will be seeing this girl every weekday ALL day for the next six weeks. The class had five students. The class was your standard customer service training class where we would learn the company policies, the computer systems and applications, etc., etc., etc. But one different part of this class was the trainer would ask random trivia questions. For some reason, I have thousands of random trivia files stored away in the back of my head. Where did I learn all this?? I have no clue. Maybe I'm like Bill Murray in Groundhog's Day and I have lived the same day over and over again to where I just learn a lot of things. And I had to learn all that stuff by living September 24, 2001 over and over before I got it right. Regardless, I kicked butt in these random trivia questions in class.

Then one day early in training, She turned around and told me, "You're really smart!"

I melted in my chair.

Up until this point in my life, I could not remember a time in my life where I had any positive affirmation directed towards myself. This girl who had only known me for a few days, had finally given me what I needed from anyone in the 26 years of my life.

Now it wasn't just her looks that I was attracted too. In the next following days, her voice, her laugh, the way she walked, the way she would pinch her nose when it itched. Whether she knew it or not, she had my heart.

One night, I told my friend that I am going to ask her to lunch the next day. The next day arrived and I was a scared turtle. I wanted to say something, but couldn't. The lunch break started and I hung back, purposely stalling to hope maybe I might gain the strength to say something.

It never came.

I was going to die alone. No one would know that I was even dead. They'll find me 1000 years from now in a glacier or something. Study my habits and say, all he did was read comics, eat hamburger helper and steal wrestling pay per views. They'd probably just put me back in my icy tomb.

Instead she turned around and asked me what I was doing for lunch.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!

I had to play it cool.. But more than likely played it like a dork.

We had lunch, where I was just overwhelmed, infatuated, and intimidated by this woman. I only answered questions she asked. I hardly asked about her. I think it was because I was afraid that she would say that she had a boyfriend and they were happy together and she's only doing this because her boyfriend pissed her off and she wants to get back at him by going to lunch with another guy.

During the next eight years, we me for lunch often. We became friends. Good friends. Best friends. I eventually asked her to marry me and she said yes. We're going to celebrating five years of marriage on January 1st. We're expecting our fourth child together around the same time. A lot has happened these past eight years. Stuff that has made us laugh. Stuff that has made us cry. Stuff that has made us fight. Stuff that has made us run to each other in forgiveness. She's still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I am blessed beyond belief from everything that transpired from the moment I walked into the new job that day. I will always remember this day that changed my life.

I love you Sweetie.. Happy Anniversary.

Welcome to Boltonshire.

1 comments:

Seriously?!? [Fantasy Football 2012]

This is not even funny any more....


I'm glad I was fired...

0 comments:

Because I'm Batman!!! [Geekology]

We're in week three of home schooling the children.  Kristie has done an awesome job of teaching them the core stuff during the week.  I get the privelege of teaching them in the ways of the geek. 

Week Four of Geekology




Week 3 - Captain America Punches Hitler
Week 2 - Frodo Walks Through Mordor
Week 1 - Geek Assessment

0 comments:

Fantasy Football Results [Week Two]

I got this email Tuesday morning.  At first I thought it was a joke, but after research on some Fantasy Football boards, it appears to be legit.


From: The Fantasy Football Commission Board Panel Committee Group Team 
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2012 9:09 AM
To: Bolton, Eric D
Subject: Status As Scranton Dunder Mifflin's General Manager



Dear Mr. Bolton,

We regret to inform you your services will not be needed any longer as General Manager of the Scranton Dunder Mifflin fantasy football team EFFECTIVE IMMEDIETLY.  Based on your performance the last two weeks (which includes the 128 to 86.5 loss to Team Lora this week), it has come to our attention that you do not know what the [expletive deleted] you are doing.  We know this is America and we know it's your right to do what you want, but just because you have the right doesn't mean you should [expletive deleted] do it if you suck as bad as you do.

My goodness, just because every student should be able to go to college doesn't mean they should.  America still needs the people to peel the gum off the sidewalk.  There's no degree plan for gum peelers.  You, my friend, are the sidewalk gum peeler of fantasy football.

You may think you're funny with re-naming teams that are better than you, but we see that as deflection of just how utterly craptastic you are in this sport.  Maybe there's a Fantasy Project Runway type of game you can play.  You might be good at a fantasy game that involves watching Storage War$.  But with your skill, you'd just get Barry and he'll [expletive deleted] it up like he always does.  It won't be much different than how you've played Fantasy Football the past four years.

Scranton Dunder Mifflin will be okay.  We will be renaming it to Team Bolton to go along with the rest of the teams that lack creativity.  We will also be giving the position of general manager to your brother Robert's cat, Mr. Flufflypants.

Please do not let this situation squash your dream.  You had a decent run.  If by "decent" you mean "craptacular".

We wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Fantasy Football Commission Board Panel Committee Group Team 



So I guess that's that.

Welcome to Boltonshire.

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Celi Says [ Jonah and the Whale ]

Being a middle child, Araceli gets a lot of hand me downs. She also doesn't get credit for being creative as much as she should.  So I decided to give her a web comic strip based on actual conversations with her.


Looking back at the last one, I realized it was about poop as well.  I really didn't plan it that way either.

Welcome to Boltonshire

Week One
Week Two

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Face to Face with the Princess of Darkness [Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire]

Blogging is hard.  You have to constantly come up with new and interesting material all the time.  Since I blog about my family, I leave it to them to be interesting.  So in order to keep things going and acquaint new readers with the Boltons of the shire. I bring you Once Upon a Time in Boltonshire.

The following is from Juggling Eric in the Summer of '09.  The pregnancy in the scene is that of Emma.  It's stories like this where I'm glad I blog.


Kristie is now eighteen weeks pregnant. Which means that it is time for her sonogram. When she was pregnant with Loreli, I made it an effort to go to every OB visit. When she was pregnant with Seth, I made it to a little less. With Araceli, I think I showed up to give her a ride home after delivery. But I always enjoy the sonograms. This being my fourth sonogram, I consider myself a specialist in the ultrasound technology field. Even though we decided that we were not going to find out the sex of this baby. I knew that with my experience that I could tell just by the fuzzy sounds bouncing around my wife's uterus.

Upon close inspection of the test, I concluded that I saw Franks and Beans and not the Hamburger Buns. This is based off a brief glimpse of what I believed (in my professional opinion) was the groin area of my womb housed child. The test continued with the tech pointing out the kidneys and the liver and his spleen and his adamantium claws.

Well that last part isn't true, how could they be laced with adamantium?? I'll have to wait until he's older to apply his bone claws with the indestructible metal.
And when it was over, she said, "You're baby is healthy"

I had to hold back the emotion that was going to overwhelm me. After four kids, it never gets old. She gave us our DVD of the sono and we went to the patient benefits department.

We walked in on the high that we have a little X-Man in my wife's belly. It was the same lady that we've seen the past three kids when we've had to figure out our portion.  She doesn't remember us (why would she?  we've only come back like EVERY YEAR!!!), and started clicking away on her computer and calculator. My wife and I are still smiling like a couple of new parents of a future super hero should.

Or villain, depending on which public school we send them to.

Benefit Lady with all her personality and charm (notices the italics, that means sarcasm) drops the hammer and goes..

"You have high deductible and out of pocket, your responsibility is going to be…"

It was weird because she stopped at this point. We thought that maybe she was going to cushion the blow. But instead flames erupted behind her, she stood up with fists clenched in the air. With a Beelzebub voice she spat out her conclusion…


"NINETEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!! MEAT SOCKS!!!"

"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

Bye be Smile.. Bye Bye Euphoria.

"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

We asked the Princess of Darkness if she was serious. Kristie's deductible is met, her out of pocket is almost met. We shouldn’t have to pay anything, very little at the least.

"THREE PAYMENTS OF 635 STARTING NEXT MONTH!!!!!"

But..

"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

"THE DUE DATE IS JANUARY 10TH! THE DEDUCTIBLE WILL HAVE STARTED OVER BY THEN"

But she..

"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

WHY DID I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH MY WIFE ON APRIL TENTH?!?!?

It wasn't even a special occasion. The other kids have a convenient birthday about nine months after Valentines' Day…

So, we started to petition the spending of the 1900 bucks..

"She's been a patient of the doctor for over 14 years, does longevity have any consideration in paying this??"

"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

"Does the fact that she delivers 3 weeks early on all the kids make a difference??? She'll deliver at Christmas time.. We won't need to meet the deductible.."

"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

I thought about going to an Obama town hall meeting and asking about Universal Health Care. But they told me we had to be on a ten month waiting list before we can schedule a delivery…

"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

So, we left the benefits room thinking about what we need to sell like the Suburban and Kristie's old violin. I considered charging Michael rent since he's turning 14 this month, his freeloading days are over.

Now, what have we learned from all of this? We've had an emergency fund, my Health Savings Account is in place to cover the out of pocket, but the problem with that is that it's not all available on day one. So, we're not doing everything wrong.

But I'm putting Kristie on the elliptical (A.K.A. The Expensive Clothes Holder) I bought her last year once she hits 37 weeks.  We're not going past Christmas dangit...


-----------------------------------------------------

Follow up on this post.  Kristie did do the elliptical and we did go past Christmas.  We were in the Labor and Delivery on Christmas day though.  Emma was born on the 27th.  So the Franks and Beans  I saw was obviously a glitch in the ultrasound equipment. 

Welcome to Boltonshire.

0 comments:

Results Week One [Fantasy Football 2012]


On Sunday afternoon, my brother Ed, sent me a text informing me the kicker on my fantasy football team has the most points.

Well that's just perfect.

I already hate my team as it is, now my kicker is rubbing it in.  The video shows you why he has the score he does
.

He actually had the second most points behind Tony Romo.  But Ed hates the Cowboys (or Cowgirls as Ed calls him) and doesn't consider Tony Romo (or Tony Homo as Ed calls him) a real person.
At the end of the day on Sunday,  America's Team, The Scranton Dunder Mifflin was ahead 102 - 95.5.
I guess the .5's started this season. 
102 - 95.5 looks like it's a battle between two radio stations.  It's Seventies Soft Jams 102 versus Today's Country Hits on 95.5 The Bull with The Raging Redneck in the Morning Morning Show every morning with fewest commercials and the most traffic and weather every hour each and every morning.
Even though I was ahead on Sunday and Team Lemler Lame Name was losing, I don't begin to get all excited and talk a lot of smack.   I'm a fan of both Texas A&M Football and the San Antonio Spurs.  I've learned not to expect a win until the final buzzer with those two teams.
My patience was correct, Lame Name's running back scored 17.5 points which gave his team the victory.  This makes my record for season openers at ( 0 - 4 ) #garbagejuice.
I'm really pissed at the 49ers Defense.  They only gave me five points.  My kicker scored 16 dangit!!!  If my other team wasn't Cincinnati, I'd toss them off the Golden Gate Bridge.  This makes them the obvious winner of Player(s) I Hate of the Week Award
Congrats 49ers. You Stink!!!
  
Next week I'm going against "Team Lora" AKA another obvious place holder team for my brother and sister in law.  Ed and Christine, if you're going to make fake teams in your friends names, at least give them a real name.  I know you watch a lot of Comedy Central hence have a lot of sixth grade humor influence, name it after SouthPark, the Colbert Report or something. 
Because I'm tired of the unoriginality of my opponents (even though they kick my butt), I'm renaming "Team Lora" to the "Sandusky Rainbow Unicorns".
I even provided a logo for you.  You're welcome.
Next week, it will be…
The Sandusky Rainbow Unicorns ( 1 - 0 ) vs. Scranton Dunder Mifflin ( 0 - 1 ) I totally expect David Akers (the Kicker) to be the victim of a drive by this week.  There's no way on earth he'll come through for me for the remainder of the season. It is what is is...
Welcome to Boltonshire.

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Patriotism [Geekology]

Kristie and I decided to start homeschooling the children this year.  Since I work during the week, Kristie handles the brunt of the workload with the standard subjects that would make the children outstanding contributing members of society.  I take the stuff that fail blog videos are famous for.  I also made up my own subject, Geekology.  It's the study of all things all the pretty girls and the athletes in high school don't appreciate.

Yeah I'm looking at you Judson High School circa 1989 - 1993.

It being Patriot Day, I felt this lesson was important.

Click for full image


Previous Lessons

[ 2 ] - Walking Through Mordor
[ 1 ] - Geekology Assesment


Welcome to Boltonshire.


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The Toilet Paper Rod [Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire]

In order to try to get back into blogging, I'm going to post older stuff to try and keep readers interested and get possible new readers (who am I kidding?) an idea who they're dealing with.

The following is Juggling Eric almost two years ago.  It's a reenactment of a normal day in Boltonshire.  




Welcome to Boltonshire.


0 comments:

Walking Through Mordor [Geekology Week Two]

We started homeschooling the kids.  During the day, Kristie takes care of the subjects that will get you into a great college.  I take care of the stuff that that'll make you a hit at Comic-Con.  Hence, Geekology...  

This week I focus on the younglings in a simple pre-school exercise of getting through Mordor.  

"One does not simply walk into Modor!!!"

Have you met my children?  If you would have given them the ring, they would have had it destroyed in the first twenty minutes.  
Click To Get Larger Picture

Previous Lessons
[ 1 ]

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Reverse Indoctrination

I went to Texas A&M University.  I am an Aggie.  The plan is for the children to be Aggies too.  When Michael was growing up, he wanted to go to Texas A&M.  He would get the Aggie paraphernalia and we'd watch the games.  One weekend (about five years ago) while he was at his dad's, we painted his room.


He'd fall asleep every nigh with the mighty Aggie Logo watching over him.

But for some reason, he went to the University of Texas (t.u.).  I can only believe it was because once he got into his later teenage years, he rebelled against what his parents liked.

This past weekend, we moved Seth and Loreli into Michael's old room.  Even though I love the work we did on the wall,  I don't want this rebellion to happen again.

So I'm trying for some reverse indoctrination.


Hopefully, they're so sick of their room when they get older they'll choose Texas A&M.  I will sacrifice dry heaving every time I have to go in there.

Welcome to Boltonshire

0 comments:

Celi Says [Week Two]

Celi Says is based off actual conversations with my daughter, Araceli...



Previous
Week 1

Welcome To Boltonshire

0 comments:

Kristie Goes To The Store [Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire]

In order to try to get back into blogging, I'm going to post older stuff to try and keep readers interested and get possible new readers (who am I kidding?) an idea who they're dealing with.

From Juggling Eric,  GOING TO THE STORE. June 3rd 2010.


In my house, I am the one that usually goes grocery shopping.  It's just what I've always done.  Maybe it's because Kristie was on bed rest a lot so I went in her stead, I dunno.  Now I usually go and pretty much stay on the given list.  Sure there are times where I might deviate, like maybe get the kids a five dollar DVD or extra snacks.  But there's hardly ever a time where I just throw out the list and say "one of each please."

There were times where I got the wrong item or it wasn't the type of product Kristie expected.  For instance, the bacon.  Before we started buying turkey bacon all the time she said we needed bacon. 

"Which kind?" I asked.

"I don't know.. The one in the red packaging."

Okay, I guess there isn't many red packaged bacon products.  I get to the store and see the red packaged bacon.  I pick it up and look around in case there are any other similarly colored bacon products.

Nope.

I go home.

"This isn't the right bacon.."

"It was the only red bacon there was."

"If you had a question you should have called."

"There was no question!!!  You said RED, I got RED!!"

We find out later the correct one was blue.

The other night we needed a few things.  Dish Sponges and Toilet Paper.  I tell Kristie what is on my very short list and I ask if we need anything else. 

"Paper Towels."

Apparently we only need stuff to wipe things in our house.

I get only what is on our list and the next day she asks if I picked up butter.  I told her no and she proceeded to make a big deal about me not getting butter. 

"You were there, you could have gotten it!!"

"But I only went for those things AND I asked you what we needed and you said paper towels.  You never mentioned butter."

She went on a few more times about how she doesn't understand how I could forget the butter.  It was similar to what a conversation would be like if I left a kid in the car.

Whatever.

So couple days later she's going to run to the store while I'm working from home.  The main thing we needed was butter. We were out completely!  This was awesome because nothing was planned for that weekend and I really didn't feel like going shopping.  I was just afraid of list deviation.  It seemed okay when she asked me to send her a list to her phone. I thought all was well until the following happened. 

I have an active imagination, but there is NO WAY I could make this stuff up.

During her trip she called me a total of six times. 

Six.

SIX!!

First Call: "Can you update my Facebook to say that HEB is having a sale on fresh corn, six for a dollar?"  


Sure.


"Should I get this or the canned corn?" 


I'd prefer the canned, because I can just throw it in stuff.  


"You would just cook the corn first then."  


Fine whatever you want, sweetie.  


"Okay bye."

Second Call: "We need potatoes??"  


Yes that's why I put it on the list.  The ones in the pantry are days away from melting.  


"Do you get the gold ones?"


Yes.


"Okay bye."

Third Call: "Do you want to get HEB diapers, or LUVsLUVs is a dollar cheaper than Huggies.  HEB brand is $12.50" 


Go with HEB, we'll try it out. 


"Okay, bye."


Fourth Call:  "OLD NAVY is having a sale this Saturday for dollar sandals, I figure we can get up on Saturday like we would for baseball and go get the kids some flip flops."  


Sounds random and great, sure why not.


"Okay, bye."



Fifth Call:  "What kind of dog food do I get?" 


The big one in the orange bag


"There isn't an orange bag. There's a small blue bag."  


It's the medium sized bag that's like $8.69.  


"There is no medium sized bag."  


What sized bags are there


"A three pound and a forty pound."  


There should be an orange HEB brand, kibbles or something.  


"There's a small one in a blue bag and medium one with a yellow thing."  


It's in a yellow thing?  What kind of thing? 


"A yellow logo." 


We'll Just feed them them hot dogs and bologna, dangit!! 


"Okay, bye."


Sixth Call:  "I'm on the way home.  I spent more than I planned."  


Okay?  


"I got a lot of things." 


Like multiple items of what I put on the list? 


"I got six types of chicken."  


They make six types of chicken?? "


I also got a laundry basket." 


.................  


Okay, I'll go on break when you get here so I can help you unload


"Okay, bye."



I wish I was exaggerating, but I am not.  In her defense she did take all four babies with her.  I will take Loreli, Seth, and Araceli, but not Emma.  She took them all and she did save me a trip this weekend.  She also made the effort to call me to get my opinion versus me not doing it at all.

We finish unpacking, she starts making dinner and I go back to work.  I sit down and realize I didn't put any butter away.  I put away the six versions of chicken, but no butter. Concerned that it was left in the car I went to the kitchen.

"Sweetheart, I didn't put any butter away. Did we bring it in??"

"..................................."

"What?"

"I forgot the butter."


I go back to work not saying a word.

Welcome to Boltonshire.

0 comments:

Geekology

Taking much into consideration, and feeling it is in the best for them, Kristie and I have decided to home school the children.  Boltonshire Prep will start next Tuesday.  Texas requires we at least teach Math, Language Arts and Social Studies/History.  We're also adding a bible/devotional lesson and we'll see what works and add to or take away as the year progresses.  While this year we're primarily focusing on Loreli since she's 1st grade now, we're also going to include the other children when the lesson allows.

Since I will be at work most of the time, Kristie is handling the majority of the teaching from the subjects above.  When I'm home I'll try to include the more sciency and artsy stuff that requires making a mess and possibly blowing things up.

I've also decided to teach the children how to appreciate all things Geek.  With my comic stash acquired last year and streaming videos on Netflix and YouTube, I will present the kids lessons in Geekology (the study of Geek).

I've already put together the test for week one.

Click on Image To Make Larger
 Just to let you know, I do see the error above. Deal with it, ok?  I think it's a nice start to a brand new subject.  The subject matter will vary, there will be questions about Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Back to the Future, etc. etc. etc.

I am also open for suggestions on topics for the weekly tests.  So send me your suggestions and I'll fit them into the curriculum.

If you also have ideas and suggestions for Kristie, we're open to those too.

Welcome to Boltonshire

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Celi Says

My daughter, Araceli has a habit of saying what's on her mind.  She get's it from her momma.  It's a blessing and a curse.  One day I told Kristie if I ever started to blog again, I would give Araceli her own bit and call it, "Celi Says".

She was quick to reply and scorned, "You better! Because she didn't get a video!!!"

This is referring to a video I made of Loreli a few months after she was born set to the tune of Peanut Butter Jelly Time.  Also in regards to a video I made for Seth shortly after he was born to the theme of U2's Beautiful Day.  

Obviously she's been holding it against me for nearly FOUR YEARS because it's the first thing that popped into her mind.

It wasn't that I didn't want to make a video for her, I just let the time get away from me and it never happened.

So here is the debut of Celi Says in the comic strip format I envisioned.


Yeah it's kind of Family Circus in the mushiness at the end, but it melted my heart.

Welcome to Boltonshire

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17 Years and 1 Week

Dropping Michael off in his dorm 8/25/12


17 years and 1 week before this picture was taken, an 18 year old girl gave birth to baby boy.  17 years and 1 week later she dropped him off in a strange town so he could follow his dreams at college.  The 17 years and 1 week leading up to this picture, this girl put off her dreams so he could be able to accomplish his.  During this time she did not let the fact she was a single mom, (from pretty much the first nine years of Michael's life) hinder the fact Michael was going to be able to achieve his goals.  She did not let the fact she was a statistic in the eyes of the judgemental.  She proved that a teenage hispanic girl from the west side of town, with little no to help from the baby's father; could fight through the judgemental, fight through the tough times, and fight through anything that was telling her to just give it up because it's just too damn hard.

Every extra hour worked. Every dollar spent on a private school in hope it would provide a stable foundation.  Every relationship formed. Every relationship broken.  Every fight with Michael's father.  Every fight with Michael.  Every fight with her parents. Every fight with me. Every fight with the school. Every sleepless night worrying if she's doing the right thing. Every night staying up helping with last minute homework. Every prayer, every day that didn't seem like they were being  answered or not fast enough. Knowing that standing there in that lobby, holding her baby boy as tight as she could, as long as she could, that the prayers were being answered the entire time. And this time, this moment was what everything they went through, everything they endured, everything she dedicate half her life to was all for the purpose of getting him here 17 years and 1 week later.

Welcome to Boltonshire.


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Fantasy Football 2012

This conversation may or may not have happened…

Eric: Hey Ed.  Can I be in your Fantasy Football league this year?

Ed: I don't know.  Fantasy Football requires a lot of research.  Do you know enough about the game to play for thirteen weeks?

Eric: Try me.

Ed: Who won the Superbowl this past season?

Eric: That's a trick question.. It hasn't happened yet..

Ed: Can you name three football players?

Eric: Three?!? That many?

Ed: See dude…

Eric: No.  I got it.. Umm.. Emmit Smith, Jerry Rice… and umm…. Chad Ochocinco…

Ed:  Can you name me any that haven't been on Dancing With the Stars??

Eric: Errr.... Oh yeah, Jesse Palmer..

Ed: .... Or The Bachelor...

Eric: Uhhh… Bobby Boucher and that Shane Falco guy…You know, his coach looked like Gene Hackman??  BOOM, SHAKALAKA!!!

Ed: …………

Eric:  Please Ed.  I need this.  I need to appear legitimate and not always talking about WWE and comic books…

Ed:  Fine.

Eric: YES!!!!

[ - FIST PUMP - ] 

I'm back playing the Fantasy Football in my brother's league.  It's basically my brother Ed, his wife Christine, my brother Rob, and a bunch of Ed and Christine's friends who may or not be in Junior High judging by the name of some of these teams.

Last year I managed the El Supremo Maximos and we got a decent 8-5 record.  I placed third in the division being eliminated in the first round of the playoff by my sister-in-law who managed the team which shall not be named.  I was let go from the Maximos in the off season and hired by the Dunder Mifflin franchise in Scranton, PA.  I don't have any expectations this season.  Mainly because when I looked at my team for the first time, I somehow managed to draft three kickers and five players that were either "Questionable" or "Out for the Season".

Seriously?!?

If I get fired from Scanton what's next, Cleaveland?

So I have Tony Romo again as my starting quarterback.   This is a tough one because I always want Tony to do well, but he always seems to be luke warm and then gets broken.  My back up is Tim Tebow.  I'll see how Tony does first before I make the switch.

I have LeSean McCoy as my running back.  I've heard that's good.

I also have the 49ers defense and special teams.  They're ranked number 1 so we'll see.  But I totally expect Bane to blow up the stadium they're in and I'll end up with the Buccaneers.

Everything else about my team just screams 1-12 for the season.

Anyways, my first game is against "Team Lemler".   I don't know what to expect but I know it's not creativity.  I think I went through this last season.  If you're not going to come up with a witty name, don't even join.  Honestly, I think it's another place holder team for Ed and Christine to fill a spot in the draft and then pillage them for their better players.  That doesn't mean I won't lose mind you.  My brother Rob had his cat pick his players and he's like the returning champion or something.

See., Mr. Fluffypants knows how to pick them... 

That really is his cat.  I'm just amazed that Rob sleeps on zebra printed comforters.

Emma woke up Sunday night during the draft and I let her sit in my lap.  I got up to get her some juice and next thing you know I have three kickers.  I haven't talked to her since Sunday night.

Do you have a team?  How do you think it will do?  Not as bad as mine I hope.

Welcome to Boltonshire.


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Welcome To Boltonshire


When I was a kid, I looked forward to the Sunday paper.  Not that I cared about current events or anything, I was just going for the comics.  One of my favorites at the time was Bloom County.  If you remember (or even read it), it dealt with Opus the Penguin and Bill the Cat (shown) and various other characters.  Sure the jokes went over my head, but I enjoyed the character designs and even based my attempt at comic characters on Bloom County.

One Sunday I was looking for Bloom County and found the name had changed to Outland

Okaaaaay??

I wasn't sure why. The art was the same (from what I remember the backgrounds were a bit different), and it was pretty much the same characters with one or two no longer making appearances (even though they were still mentioned).  I still enjoyed the strip and most of the jokes still went over my head.  I still always called it Bloom County, but I never understood why it changed, I just accepted it.

Later I read the writer retired Bloom County to try something different with Outland.  It didn't take long for Outland to be Bloom County again.  Whether his initial idea for the new strip didn't work past the initial storyline or what, he went back to what worked for him.

Juggling Eric wasn't working for me anymore.  Sure it's how the internet knew me, but I felt my time as "Juggling Eric" has passed.  I started that blog as a way to deal with all the pressures I had at being a novice dad, a novice husband, a brother, son, and friend.  Me attempting to write was a way for me to pound out my frustrations or feelings on the keyboard in a way to find like minded people as a support group.

I am no longer "juggling" those proverbial hats any longer and I have a pretty good footing in all categories.  It's still progressive, but it's not about me.  It's always been about my family.  The people that only a handful of people really know and a rare few actually appreciate. 

The characters are the same as in Juggling Eric.  While you won't see one of the characters as much (he'll still make appearances).  The background is a little different and it's the same jokes that will probably still go over heads.  You might not understand why, but you need to just accept it.

Welcome to Boltonshire.

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Poop Quiz.


Pop Quiz Hot Shot!  You have a new born baby, babies like to poop.  Their legs are so stinkin' strong, it's like they were training to be technical wrestlers in the womb. They're squirming and moving and the crap generic store brand diapers your "friend" at work gave you just can't  keep everything in. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!?!

The answer is not to shoot the hostage.

The answer is to use Huggies Snug & Dry Diapers.  Huggies [ Facebook / Twitter ] has made improvements to their Snug & Dry Diapers (because you can never be to snug and / or dry).  Poop and pee stay in a lot better than before (while I didn't have that much of a problem before, because I would change their diapers). But it  does come in handy when Grandpa Dan is watching the kids and he doesn't "get around" to changing their diapers before we get home, because they're on his bed watching Netflix, eating cotton candy, and drinking soda.

Another Pop Quiz Hot Shot!  Grandpa Dan has just given your newborn baby cotton candy and soda.  They're pooping like the Jericho Missle System presentation in Iron Man (it's gross because it's true). Poop is everywhere.  What do you do?  WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!?!

The answer is not to shoot Grandpa Dan.

The answer is to use Huggies Wipes to clean all that baby poop up.  While I've noticed nothing different in the wipes given to me as a sample, I've always enjoyed Huggies Wipes better than others, mainly because the wipes are folded in a way the next one pops up when you pull the top one through the wipes box hole.  Not like those generic store bought ones your "friend" at work bought with their stupid diapers.  Those wipes are just laid on top of one another and they don't pop up when you get the top one thru.  So you have to reach in the box for another, but you have to hurry because the Jericho Missle System from Iron Man is about to reload.

Yet Another Pop Quiz Hot Shot!  Do you pronouce it "wipes" or "wipe-eese"?

If you said "wipes", you're wrong!!!!  It's "wipe-eese".

Last Pop Quiz Hot Shot!  You've got your newborn and you're hanging out with your friend from work and he's attacked by a zombie and bitten.  The zombie won't let him go.  You have your gun ready to go.  What do you do?  WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!

The answer is to shoot the hostage.  One because he's already been infected and he's as good as dead anyways.   And two because he bought you those crap generic store bought diapers and wipe-eese and not only is there a zombie attacking, you're now covered in newborn poop.



I participated in a campaign on behalf of MomCentral for Huggies. I received product samples to facilitate my review and a promotional item to thank me for participating

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Home.

When we're in the Dragon Wagon, my kids have a few songs they request to hear.  The below video contains one of those songs.  Building 429's, Where I Belong.


With the sudden passing of our church's pastor Dave Bell, shock is still set in. On Facebook, friends are changing their profile picture to worship album covers he was a part of and leaving heart broken and encouraging posts about their pastor, spiritual father, and friend.

While his congregation mourns their loss, it is not uncommon for people to ask "How could God let this happen?" or "Why did God allow this?  Pastor Bell was only 57."  The simple blanket answer that people are using for encouragement is, "It was just his time."

Then you have the questions coming from his wife, sons and family.  I'm sure they're asking God how He could take away the foundation of their family.  A fifteen year old boy has every right to question God about taking his father away from him.  My simple answer to them would be, "I don't know."

There is nothing wrong with questioning God about His actions.  Before his capture and death, Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane and asks God if it was possible the cup be passed from Him.

God could have done so.  God could have said, "Never mind, this is too much to ask of one man.  This is not where he belongs."  But He didn't.  Jesus fulfilled His purpose and created a way for man to have a relationship, live and reign forever with  God.  It was up to his followers, his apostles to rise up and make sure everyone knew the message.

God very well could have breathed life back into Pastor Bell yesterday morning.  God knew no one expected him to die before his Sunday message.  Pastor Bell's purpose and vision for his church and how they would advance the body of Christ was established and set fourth well before yesterday.

Dave Bell is home now.  He served the Lord during his short life on earth.  Those of us from church and his family can be assured we will see him again in Heaven, because that is where we ultimately belong.

Have a blessed day my friends.

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David Bell.

Sunday mornings can be crazy here in Boltonshire.  We try to get everyone ready and out the door so we can get to church by 10:30.  At 10:30 they start praise and worship, but at 10:30 they also stop serving free coffee.  Sure I can get free coffee at work every morning, but work doesn't have French Vanilla Creamer. Now being an expert at knowing my family, I knew there was not a chance in the world we were making it by 10:30 today.  My second option required us to be at a Valero by 10:00,  When the Spurs when a championship game, Valero gives out free coffee.  We weren't going to make that either.  So MaddSkillz and I left while KC was in the shower and picked up some coffee swag.  We made it to church a little past 10:30 and the kids minus Ladybug were in their classes.

Everything was going along per usual.  Praise and Worship was going along fine as it lead into communion.  I noticed our pastor, Dave Bell, wasn't in the sanctuary just yet.  I didn't think much of it, I'm assuming most of us weren't either, because it is not unlike him to come down the hill (the sanctuary is down a hill/driveway from the office and old church building) from his office in the middle of praise and worship.

Pastor Bell's eldest son, Matt was on stage and just started talking when one of the elders ran up, grabbed the microphone and asked if anyone knew CPR.  Maybe a half people jumped up and followed him out the door.  The whole congregation started praying.  We had no idea who we were praying for, until Matt had said, "It might be my dad..."

Everyone seemed to stop for a second, wrap the idea around the fact their spiritual leader was in jeopardy, and then started praying specifically for Pastor Bell.

The prayers didn't mean more know because we were praying for our pastor and not some random person, but prayer is a weapon.  If you have a gun and know you have to shoot at something in a general area, but do not know what or what you're shooting, it's harder to hit your intended target.  When you pray specifically for something or someone, you have a better chance of hitting your intended target.

A few minutes later, we saw an ambulance and firetruck rush by the window and the prayers continued.

Another few minutes later, the same elder who asked for the CPR help came and told us Pastor Bell had passed away.  Some of those standing in prayer fell into their seats.  Screams of agony and loss were heard.  Tears started to fall.  Confusion of why and how could something like this happen.

I saw him last week when I had to run to the car real quick during praise and worship, when he was making his way to the sanctuary.  He asked me how The Emsters was doing.  The Emsters had been complaining of headaches for two months and we have been going through a lot in trying to rule out what specially was wrong.  We had sent a prayer request to some friends of ours and it had gotten up to him.

I say "up to him" because in my previous church, I was not used to individual interaction with the Pastor.  I had went to a "mega church".  I learned a lot there, but we weren't feeling as we belonged.  It seemed the business of being a mega church outweighed the specific individual relationships with the congregation.  The fact that Pastor Bell, was praying specifically for my daughter and what was wrong meant EVERYTHING to me.  It wasn't a blanket prayer of health and wellness towards you and your family.  It was that specific prayer as a weapon I was talking about.

We felt like part of a family from the first day were showed up there.  Every Sunday Pastor Bell would tell the congregation he loved us.  You can take that how you want.  You can take it like he "has" to say it because he's the pastor, or you can take it like he really does feel that way.  With the way he and his church has welcomed and accepted my family the way even some friends and family do not, means he genuinely meant it.

He and his wife, Jodi have five sons. Matthew, Michael, Mark, Micah, and Mitchell.  Matt is the oldest at 30 (I think) and Mitchell is a year younger than MaddSkillz.  He was a blessed man and you could see it through his sons, daughter-in-laws, and grandchildren.

Psalm 127:4-5 says "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."

This reflects Pastor Bell's family perfectly.  His quiver was full of them.  As well with the hundreds of people who have grown to consider him their spiritual father and leader.  They too were all arrows in his very large quiver.

God Bless you Pastor Dave Bell.  Your love and teachings meant everything to me and my family.

When you see Adam.  Kick him in the shins for me would you?



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