The Day That Changed My Life [ Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire ]

I used to blog all the time.  I have almost 500 posts over the 3 years I have been blogging.  I know I have newer readers who are for some reason interested in the events in Boltonshire, so I post the old stuff for them to catch up.

The following post is from September 24, 2009.  So keep that in mind when I give the current dates.

Eight years ago today, I met someone that changed my life forever. I had been laid off my previous job for almost a month, and today was the first day of training at my new job. I walked up to the front doors of the building not really knowing what to expect. At this point in my life, I preferred when I was by myself and not having to meet, impress, or deal with new people. So, I took a deep breath and walked inside. I'm greeted by the receptionist who is probably still on high alert since 9/11, and asks me to have a seat to wait for the instructor to bring me back. I walk to the designated area and that's when I see her.

There she was sitting in a chair that is also in the "designated area". She was looking down at a book, folder, binder, or planner. I only scanned her over for a second, but it is one of those memories that I can playback in my mind with no detail lost. It's like the movie "Click", with Adam Sandler. He's able use a "universal remote" and access different parts of his life to view them. He is able to pause the memory, but not interact. This is one of those times I would just pause time and take in the beauty of the scenery.

In those few seconds, I knew that she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her hair was dark brown with a bit of wave to it that fell just below her shoulder. She wore a maroon blouse which also accentuated my interest because maroon is my favorite color. She sat with her legs crossed in a black skirt and black hose. Her matching shoes completed the picture of beauty that was presented before me.

I walked up to sit in the chair next to her. She looked up at me then back to her book/folder/binder/planner. That brief eye contact did it for me. Inside my head, my mind was racing "Who is this chick?" "I hope she's in my training." "She's beautiful." "Oh crap, I have a girlfriend." When she had looked at me, there was the polite smile "hello", but there was no "moving her hair behind her ear" technique that chicks use to flirt with guys. But that didn't matter. Even though I may never see this woman again, I was at that time sitting next to the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

Well it turns out that she was starting training that day. YES!!! I will be seeing this girl every weekday ALL day for the next six weeks. The class had five students. The class was your standard customer service training class where we would learn the company policies, the computer systems and applications, etc., etc., etc. But one different part of this class was the trainer would ask random trivia questions. For some reason, I have thousands of random trivia files stored away in the back of my head. Where did I learn all this?? I have no clue. Maybe I'm like Bill Murray in Groundhog's Day and I have lived the same day over and over again to where I just learn a lot of things. And I had to learn all that stuff by living September 24, 2001 over and over before I got it right. Regardless, I kicked butt in these random trivia questions in class.

Then one day early in training, She turned around and told me, "You're really smart!"

I melted in my chair.

Up until this point in my life, I could not remember a time in my life where I had any positive affirmation directed towards myself. This girl who had only known me for a few days, had finally given me what I needed from anyone in the 26 years of my life.

Now it wasn't just her looks that I was attracted too. In the next following days, her voice, her laugh, the way she walked, the way she would pinch her nose when it itched. Whether she knew it or not, she had my heart.

One night, I told my friend that I am going to ask her to lunch the next day. The next day arrived and I was a scared turtle. I wanted to say something, but couldn't. The lunch break started and I hung back, purposely stalling to hope maybe I might gain the strength to say something.

It never came.

I was going to die alone. No one would know that I was even dead. They'll find me 1000 years from now in a glacier or something. Study my habits and say, all he did was read comics, eat hamburger helper and steal wrestling pay per views. They'd probably just put me back in my icy tomb.

Instead she turned around and asked me what I was doing for lunch.


I had to play it cool.. But more than likely played it like a dork.

We had lunch, where I was just overwhelmed, infatuated, and intimidated by this woman. I only answered questions she asked. I hardly asked about her. I think it was because I was afraid that she would say that she had a boyfriend and they were happy together and she's only doing this because her boyfriend pissed her off and she wants to get back at him by going to lunch with another guy.

During the next eight years, we me for lunch often. We became friends. Good friends. Best friends. I eventually asked her to marry me and she said yes. We're going to celebrating five years of marriage on January 1st. We're expecting our fourth child together around the same time. A lot has happened these past eight years. Stuff that has made us laugh. Stuff that has made us cry. Stuff that has made us fight. Stuff that has made us run to each other in forgiveness. She's still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I am blessed beyond belief from everything that transpired from the moment I walked into the new job that day. I will always remember this day that changed my life.

I love you Sweetie.. Happy Anniversary.

Welcome to Boltonshire.


Seriously?!? [Fantasy Football 2012]

This is not even funny any more....

I'm glad I was fired...


Because I'm Batman!!! [Geekology]

We're in week three of home schooling the children.  Kristie has done an awesome job of teaching them the core stuff during the week.  I get the privelege of teaching them in the ways of the geek. 

Week Four of Geekology

Week 3 - Captain America Punches Hitler
Week 2 - Frodo Walks Through Mordor
Week 1 - Geek Assessment


Fantasy Football Results [Week Two]

I got this email Tuesday morning.  At first I thought it was a joke, but after research on some Fantasy Football boards, it appears to be legit.

From: The Fantasy Football Commission Board Panel Committee Group Team 
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2012 9:09 AM
To: Bolton, Eric D
Subject: Status As Scranton Dunder Mifflin's General Manager

Dear Mr. Bolton,

We regret to inform you your services will not be needed any longer as General Manager of the Scranton Dunder Mifflin fantasy football team EFFECTIVE IMMEDIETLY.  Based on your performance the last two weeks (which includes the 128 to 86.5 loss to Team Lora this week), it has come to our attention that you do not know what the [expletive deleted] you are doing.  We know this is America and we know it's your right to do what you want, but just because you have the right doesn't mean you should [expletive deleted] do it if you suck as bad as you do.

My goodness, just because every student should be able to go to college doesn't mean they should.  America still needs the people to peel the gum off the sidewalk.  There's no degree plan for gum peelers.  You, my friend, are the sidewalk gum peeler of fantasy football.

You may think you're funny with re-naming teams that are better than you, but we see that as deflection of just how utterly craptastic you are in this sport.  Maybe there's a Fantasy Project Runway type of game you can play.  You might be good at a fantasy game that involves watching Storage War$.  But with your skill, you'd just get Barry and he'll [expletive deleted] it up like he always does.  It won't be much different than how you've played Fantasy Football the past four years.

Scranton Dunder Mifflin will be okay.  We will be renaming it to Team Bolton to go along with the rest of the teams that lack creativity.  We will also be giving the position of general manager to your brother Robert's cat, Mr. Flufflypants.

Please do not let this situation squash your dream.  You had a decent run.  If by "decent" you mean "craptacular".

We wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Fantasy Football Commission Board Panel Committee Group Team 

So I guess that's that.

Welcome to Boltonshire.


Celi Says [ Jonah and the Whale ]

Being a middle child, Araceli gets a lot of hand me downs. She also doesn't get credit for being creative as much as she should.  So I decided to give her a web comic strip based on actual conversations with her.

Looking back at the last one, I realized it was about poop as well.  I really didn't plan it that way either.

Welcome to Boltonshire

Week One
Week Two


Face to Face with the Princess of Darkness [Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire]

Blogging is hard.  You have to constantly come up with new and interesting material all the time.  Since I blog about my family, I leave it to them to be interesting.  So in order to keep things going and acquaint new readers with the Boltons of the shire. I bring you Once Upon a Time in Boltonshire.

The following is from Juggling Eric in the Summer of '09.  The pregnancy in the scene is that of Emma.  It's stories like this where I'm glad I blog.

Kristie is now eighteen weeks pregnant. Which means that it is time for her sonogram. When she was pregnant with Loreli, I made it an effort to go to every OB visit. When she was pregnant with Seth, I made it to a little less. With Araceli, I think I showed up to give her a ride home after delivery. But I always enjoy the sonograms. This being my fourth sonogram, I consider myself a specialist in the ultrasound technology field. Even though we decided that we were not going to find out the sex of this baby. I knew that with my experience that I could tell just by the fuzzy sounds bouncing around my wife's uterus.

Upon close inspection of the test, I concluded that I saw Franks and Beans and not the Hamburger Buns. This is based off a brief glimpse of what I believed (in my professional opinion) was the groin area of my womb housed child. The test continued with the tech pointing out the kidneys and the liver and his spleen and his adamantium claws.

Well that last part isn't true, how could they be laced with adamantium?? I'll have to wait until he's older to apply his bone claws with the indestructible metal.
And when it was over, she said, "You're baby is healthy"

I had to hold back the emotion that was going to overwhelm me. After four kids, it never gets old. She gave us our DVD of the sono and we went to the patient benefits department.

We walked in on the high that we have a little X-Man in my wife's belly. It was the same lady that we've seen the past three kids when we've had to figure out our portion.  She doesn't remember us (why would she?  we've only come back like EVERY YEAR!!!), and started clicking away on her computer and calculator. My wife and I are still smiling like a couple of new parents of a future super hero should.

Or villain, depending on which public school we send them to.

Benefit Lady with all her personality and charm (notices the italics, that means sarcasm) drops the hammer and goes..

"You have high deductible and out of pocket, your responsibility is going to be…"

It was weird because she stopped at this point. We thought that maybe she was going to cushion the blow. But instead flames erupted behind her, she stood up with fists clenched in the air. With a Beelzebub voice she spat out her conclusion…



Bye be Smile.. Bye Bye Euphoria.


We asked the Princess of Darkness if she was serious. Kristie's deductible is met, her out of pocket is almost met. We shouldn’t have to pay anything, very little at the least.





But she..



It wasn't even a special occasion. The other kids have a convenient birthday about nine months after Valentines' Day…

So, we started to petition the spending of the 1900 bucks..

"She's been a patient of the doctor for over 14 years, does longevity have any consideration in paying this??"


"Does the fact that she delivers 3 weeks early on all the kids make a difference??? She'll deliver at Christmas time.. We won't need to meet the deductible.."


I thought about going to an Obama town hall meeting and asking about Universal Health Care. But they told me we had to be on a ten month waiting list before we can schedule a delivery…


So, we left the benefits room thinking about what we need to sell like the Suburban and Kristie's old violin. I considered charging Michael rent since he's turning 14 this month, his freeloading days are over.

Now, what have we learned from all of this? We've had an emergency fund, my Health Savings Account is in place to cover the out of pocket, but the problem with that is that it's not all available on day one. So, we're not doing everything wrong.

But I'm putting Kristie on the elliptical (A.K.A. The Expensive Clothes Holder) I bought her last year once she hits 37 weeks.  We're not going past Christmas dangit...


Follow up on this post.  Kristie did do the elliptical and we did go past Christmas.  We were in the Labor and Delivery on Christmas day though.  Emma was born on the 27th.  So the Franks and Beans  I saw was obviously a glitch in the ultrasound equipment. 

Welcome to Boltonshire.


Results Week One [Fantasy Football 2012]

On Sunday afternoon, my brother Ed, sent me a text informing me the kicker on my fantasy football team has the most points.

Well that's just perfect.

I already hate my team as it is, now my kicker is rubbing it in.  The video shows you why he has the score he does

He actually had the second most points behind Tony Romo.  But Ed hates the Cowboys (or Cowgirls as Ed calls him) and doesn't consider Tony Romo (or Tony Homo as Ed calls him) a real person.
At the end of the day on Sunday,  America's Team, The Scranton Dunder Mifflin was ahead 102 - 95.5.
I guess the .5's started this season. 
102 - 95.5 looks like it's a battle between two radio stations.  It's Seventies Soft Jams 102 versus Today's Country Hits on 95.5 The Bull with The Raging Redneck in the Morning Morning Show every morning with fewest commercials and the most traffic and weather every hour each and every morning.
Even though I was ahead on Sunday and Team Lemler Lame Name was losing, I don't begin to get all excited and talk a lot of smack.   I'm a fan of both Texas A&M Football and the San Antonio Spurs.  I've learned not to expect a win until the final buzzer with those two teams.
My patience was correct, Lame Name's running back scored 17.5 points which gave his team the victory.  This makes my record for season openers at ( 0 - 4 ) #garbagejuice.
I'm really pissed at the 49ers Defense.  They only gave me five points.  My kicker scored 16 dangit!!!  If my other team wasn't Cincinnati, I'd toss them off the Golden Gate Bridge.  This makes them the obvious winner of Player(s) I Hate of the Week Award
Congrats 49ers. You Stink!!!
Next week I'm going against "Team Lora" AKA another obvious place holder team for my brother and sister in law.  Ed and Christine, if you're going to make fake teams in your friends names, at least give them a real name.  I know you watch a lot of Comedy Central hence have a lot of sixth grade humor influence, name it after SouthPark, the Colbert Report or something. 
Because I'm tired of the unoriginality of my opponents (even though they kick my butt), I'm renaming "Team Lora" to the "Sandusky Rainbow Unicorns".
I even provided a logo for you.  You're welcome.
Next week, it will be…
The Sandusky Rainbow Unicorns ( 1 - 0 ) vs. Scranton Dunder Mifflin ( 0 - 1 ) I totally expect David Akers (the Kicker) to be the victim of a drive by this week.  There's no way on earth he'll come through for me for the remainder of the season. It is what is is...
Welcome to Boltonshire.


Patriotism [Geekology]

Kristie and I decided to start homeschooling the children this year.  Since I work during the week, Kristie handles the brunt of the workload with the standard subjects that would make the children outstanding contributing members of society.  I take the stuff that fail blog videos are famous for.  I also made up my own subject, Geekology.  It's the study of all things all the pretty girls and the athletes in high school don't appreciate.

Yeah I'm looking at you Judson High School circa 1989 - 1993.

It being Patriot Day, I felt this lesson was important.

Click for full image

Previous Lessons

[ 2 ] - Walking Through Mordor
[ 1 ] - Geekology Assesment

Welcome to Boltonshire.


The Toilet Paper Rod [Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire]

In order to try to get back into blogging, I'm going to post older stuff to try and keep readers interested and get possible new readers (who am I kidding?) an idea who they're dealing with.

The following is Juggling Eric almost two years ago.  It's a reenactment of a normal day in Boltonshire.  

Welcome to Boltonshire.


Walking Through Mordor [Geekology Week Two]

We started homeschooling the kids.  During the day, Kristie takes care of the subjects that will get you into a great college.  I take care of the stuff that that'll make you a hit at Comic-Con.  Hence, Geekology...  

This week I focus on the younglings in a simple pre-school exercise of getting through Mordor.  

"One does not simply walk into Modor!!!"

Have you met my children?  If you would have given them the ring, they would have had it destroyed in the first twenty minutes.  
Click To Get Larger Picture

Previous Lessons
[ 1 ]


Reverse Indoctrination

I went to Texas A&M University.  I am an Aggie.  The plan is for the children to be Aggies too.  When Michael was growing up, he wanted to go to Texas A&M.  He would get the Aggie paraphernalia and we'd watch the games.  One weekend (about five years ago) while he was at his dad's, we painted his room.

He'd fall asleep every nigh with the mighty Aggie Logo watching over him.

But for some reason, he went to the University of Texas (t.u.).  I can only believe it was because once he got into his later teenage years, he rebelled against what his parents liked.

This past weekend, we moved Seth and Loreli into Michael's old room.  Even though I love the work we did on the wall,  I don't want this rebellion to happen again.

So I'm trying for some reverse indoctrination.

Hopefully, they're so sick of their room when they get older they'll choose Texas A&M.  I will sacrifice dry heaving every time I have to go in there.

Welcome to Boltonshire


Celi Says [Week Two]

Celi Says is based off actual conversations with my daughter, Araceli...

Week 1

Welcome To Boltonshire


Kristie Goes To The Store [Once Upon A Time In Boltonshire]

In order to try to get back into blogging, I'm going to post older stuff to try and keep readers interested and get possible new readers (who am I kidding?) an idea who they're dealing with.

From Juggling Eric,  GOING TO THE STORE. June 3rd 2010.

In my house, I am the one that usually goes grocery shopping.  It's just what I've always done.  Maybe it's because Kristie was on bed rest a lot so I went in her stead, I dunno.  Now I usually go and pretty much stay on the given list.  Sure there are times where I might deviate, like maybe get the kids a five dollar DVD or extra snacks.  But there's hardly ever a time where I just throw out the list and say "one of each please."

There were times where I got the wrong item or it wasn't the type of product Kristie expected.  For instance, the bacon.  Before we started buying turkey bacon all the time she said we needed bacon. 

"Which kind?" I asked.

"I don't know.. The one in the red packaging."

Okay, I guess there isn't many red packaged bacon products.  I get to the store and see the red packaged bacon.  I pick it up and look around in case there are any other similarly colored bacon products.


I go home.

"This isn't the right bacon.."

"It was the only red bacon there was."

"If you had a question you should have called."

"There was no question!!!  You said RED, I got RED!!"

We find out later the correct one was blue.

The other night we needed a few things.  Dish Sponges and Toilet Paper.  I tell Kristie what is on my very short list and I ask if we need anything else. 

"Paper Towels."

Apparently we only need stuff to wipe things in our house.

I get only what is on our list and the next day she asks if I picked up butter.  I told her no and she proceeded to make a big deal about me not getting butter. 

"You were there, you could have gotten it!!"

"But I only went for those things AND I asked you what we needed and you said paper towels.  You never mentioned butter."

She went on a few more times about how she doesn't understand how I could forget the butter.  It was similar to what a conversation would be like if I left a kid in the car.


So couple days later she's going to run to the store while I'm working from home.  The main thing we needed was butter. We were out completely!  This was awesome because nothing was planned for that weekend and I really didn't feel like going shopping.  I was just afraid of list deviation.  It seemed okay when she asked me to send her a list to her phone. I thought all was well until the following happened. 

I have an active imagination, but there is NO WAY I could make this stuff up.

During her trip she called me a total of six times. 



First Call: "Can you update my Facebook to say that HEB is having a sale on fresh corn, six for a dollar?"  


"Should I get this or the canned corn?" 

I'd prefer the canned, because I can just throw it in stuff.  

"You would just cook the corn first then."  

Fine whatever you want, sweetie.  

"Okay bye."

Second Call: "We need potatoes??"  

Yes that's why I put it on the list.  The ones in the pantry are days away from melting.  

"Do you get the gold ones?"


"Okay bye."

Third Call: "Do you want to get HEB diapers, or LUVsLUVs is a dollar cheaper than Huggies.  HEB brand is $12.50" 

Go with HEB, we'll try it out. 

"Okay, bye."

Fourth Call:  "OLD NAVY is having a sale this Saturday for dollar sandals, I figure we can get up on Saturday like we would for baseball and go get the kids some flip flops."  

Sounds random and great, sure why not.

"Okay, bye."

Fifth Call:  "What kind of dog food do I get?" 

The big one in the orange bag

"There isn't an orange bag. There's a small blue bag."  

It's the medium sized bag that's like $8.69.  

"There is no medium sized bag."  

What sized bags are there

"A three pound and a forty pound."  

There should be an orange HEB brand, kibbles or something.  

"There's a small one in a blue bag and medium one with a yellow thing."  

It's in a yellow thing?  What kind of thing? 

"A yellow logo." 

We'll Just feed them them hot dogs and bologna, dangit!! 

"Okay, bye."

Sixth Call:  "I'm on the way home.  I spent more than I planned."  


"I got a lot of things." 

Like multiple items of what I put on the list? 

"I got six types of chicken."  

They make six types of chicken?? "

I also got a laundry basket." 


Okay, I'll go on break when you get here so I can help you unload

"Okay, bye."

I wish I was exaggerating, but I am not.  In her defense she did take all four babies with her.  I will take Loreli, Seth, and Araceli, but not Emma.  She took them all and she did save me a trip this weekend.  She also made the effort to call me to get my opinion versus me not doing it at all.

We finish unpacking, she starts making dinner and I go back to work.  I sit down and realize I didn't put any butter away.  I put away the six versions of chicken, but no butter. Concerned that it was left in the car I went to the kitchen.

"Sweetheart, I didn't put any butter away. Did we bring it in??"



"I forgot the butter."

I go back to work not saying a word.

Welcome to Boltonshire.