KEEP CALM and DELIVER ON

The KEEP CALM and CARRY ON posters are quiet popular on the internets you know.  People make them to support their favorite sports team or celebrity.  Some try to be trendy by making whatever is a hot topic in the news and stuff.  If you don't know, my wife is pregnant with our SIXTH kid.  And let's just say that she's not always keeping calm, but she does a lot of carrying on if you know what I mean.  When we finally get to the delivery room in September I know she's NOT GOING TO BE CALM AT ALL!!!!  She's not going to be freaking out like she doesn't know what to do, but I'm pretty sure she'll be ready for this pregnancy to be completed.

So in an effort to  help my wife keep calm during the labor and delivery, I made some KEEP CALM posters that I will hang up in the delivery room.  I hope the propaganda will influence her where she's not all stressed.

I'm quite sure she will love them...



We got kids at home, she's due during the fall premiere of new shows and new seasons.  If she's not committed to getting this thing over so I can get home and watch the premiere of BLACKLIST with James Spader, I'm going to be upset.  Sure there's HULU, but it'll only sit in my queue and I'll never watch it and I'll have to give it up like I did Warehouse 13 and Arrow.


This one give her and I permission to freak the heck out.  Seriously?!?! FOUR GIRLS?!?!



Really, she should be used to this by now....



Because I do.  This is not my first rodeo.




 It's not a lie.  The more contractions she has, the more she will progress.  If  contractions cause pain, than pain = progress.  It's simple math.


Yes, you're over half way there, but we still got four to go.  Wake me when we get to nine.


I'll put this one up and then go to the food court and get a McDouble.

No matter what happens here, this baby is going to be free.

BOOM!!

How do you think this will go over?

Welcome to Boltonshire.

1 comments:

Delta Corrente Toilet [REVIEW]

I participated in a campaign on behalf of Mom Central Consulting for Delta Faucets. I received a product sample and promotional item as a thank you for participating.

I don’t think I've ever been described as a “handyman”.   I have been described as “broke” though.  When you’re broke and there’s things in your house that need to be fixed, you have to find a way to take care of it.  You either find a friend or family member who knows what to do, or you do it yourself.

This not-so-handy man has managed to fix a washer, a dryer, install a dishwasher and garbage disposal.  I've patched my roof when it was leaking, and fixed the outside A/C unit when the compressor went out.  I've replaced brakes and belts and different parts of various cars all because it needs to be done and I don’t want to pay someone a bunch of money to someone to do it.

One thing I've never attempted to fix was a broken toilet.  Sure I’ve replaced the handle.  That’s simple.  It’s when something major happens, I just don’t feel comfortable touching it.

It’s not that I could be covered in pee and crap if I don’t do it correctly.  Heck, I’m a dad, I've gotten that for seven years.  It’s just one of those things if you screw it up, you’re screwed.  I can suck it up and be hot if the A/C is out.  I can wash dishes by hand or go to the laundry mat if one of those appliances are messed up.  But if we have no toilet?!?



Like when gravity took a toilet paper rod and dropped it in the toilet. (If you haven’t seen the video, go watch it!!)  I had no idea where to start or what to do.  Mainly, I just didn't want to mess up the toilet and make my wife and kids have to go to the corner store to do their business.

So we got my father-in-law to fix it.

He’s a plumber anyways.

And we pay him in grand kids.

Well, I was approached by Delta Faucet to help out promoting a toilet that is supposedly easy to install.  Like a fool, I said sure,  I’ll try it out.

So they sent the giant box and it sat in our living room for a few days.  I wanted to delay the inevitable for as long as I could.  My mother in law kept offering up the services of my father in law and we kept telling her that I need to do this. 

But we will have his number on standby in case anything happens.

I opened the box and pulled out the instructions .  I was impressed with the basic directions with only eight steps.  Even the positive impression I had of it so far did not help my anxiety.  I  dare not start the install during the day.  The kids can go for hours without using the bathroom.  Yet only when there is no bathroom available is when they really need to go.  Plus I had a pregnant wife and I knew even if I waited for her to go to the restroom and started the second she flushed, I’d only have at the most sixteen minutes to complete it.

So I had to wait until the kids were in bed before I began.  I also made sure it was right after Kristie went to the restroom.  There were no more excuses and no more time to delay, so I started at 9:20 PM.


Here’s our old toilet.  It’s rather new, we [my father in law] replaced it last year.  The shelf is there for storage since we have a smaller bathroom.


It only took me about 15 minutes to empty the toilet and remove it from the room.  That’s a hole where our poop goes down.  This will be the first time my wife has seen this and say that it’s disgusting.


There’s the toilet in the living room.  My only concern was one of the kids would not understand there needs to be a hole in the ground for their poop and use the toilet.


Here’s the box.  The box promises MAXIMUM FLUSH!!! To save about $90.00 a year.  That’s about a quarter a day if you break it down.  Not sure if that really should be a reason to get it.  It states Smart Fit Innovations.  Honestly, I did not check out everything in the tank, so I can only assume it’s a good thing.  Complete Toilet Kit.  This part was nice it did have everything I needed to install.   EZ Out Toilet Removal Kit, yeah I found this after the fact.  I had no idea there was a kit when I started my project.

Reading.  I ain’t got time for that!!!



This is the EZ Out Toilet Removal Kit.  It consisted of a scraper, a sponge, cloth, gloves and plastic bag for the removal of the old wax ring.

Actually, the box didn't have everything needed to install the toilet.  The instructions called for the use of silicone on the bottom of the new toilet.  I did have to run to Home Depot to pick up a tube (actually knew about it earlier in the day and got it then).  I only used a small amount and now I have this tube of silicon I'm probably never going to use again.  



If anyone wants to borrow some, just hit me up.  It would also be nice if they provided a small tube with enough silicone to do the job.  I'm sure there's some reason it doesn't.

Here's a picture of the multi-tool thing.  Here in San Antonio, we call it a chingaderra.




It was used to tighten the water hose and the bolts to the flange.  Used the screwdriver bit part to tighten the toilet seat.

And here's the finished product...




Notice the shelf is missing.  Well that's because the tank was too tall to fit underneath.  I had to remove it from the wall to be moved to our other bathroom eventually.

After an hour and a half, I was finished at 10:50 PM.  What took longest was trying to remove all the old wax ring from the flange and showing the kids how the toilet mechanics worked.  If I could do it again, I would think I could have it done in 45 minutes of less.

BOOM!!

We like the toilet, we appreciate the elongated seat.

The smaller seat had no room to drop toilet paper rods down.

We'd totally recommend the product.

Here's what I left on the Home Depot and Delta Faucets Website about the product...

"When I got the toilet, I was unsure if I was going to be able to really install it myself. They promote the easy to install features of the product, but I still had my doubts. The box contains a kit to help you remove your old toilet and clean up afterwards. It has all the supplies you need to install the product, but does not have the silicone it suggests to use on the base of the commode. But everything it was very easy to install and I didn't break anything or say, "that'll do". We've been using it for over a week and the whole family likes it. I would totally recommend this for the never done this before do it yourselfer"

Welcome to Boltonshire.  

1 comments:

The Toilet Paper Rod [VIDEO]

The following is an actual conversation that took place between my wife and I.  I've posted it a couple times on the blog, but I am posting it again for newer readers and as a tie in for a review post this week.





Welcome to Boltonshire.

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Our Nursery Theme [PENDING APPROVAL]

I like Pinterest.  It keeps me occupied when my friends on Facebook are boring me.  If you're a friend of mine from Facebook, I don't mean you.

Honestly.

So yeah, I'm on Pinterest and I found the ultimate theme for our upcoming baby's room...



That's right... Superheroes!!!  But not just regular superheroes... VINTAGE SUPERHEROES!!!


That leather bench couch thing looks rather expensive...  So I probably won't be using that and just use my son's futon.  If we take the futon our of our room and put it in the baby's room, it will solve the main thing of getting all the unfolded laundry out of our room.  With the baby going to be newborn and stuff, they won't complain much about the potential mess.

Just about poop and pee in the diaper and being hungry and stuff.




I'm assuming they got some sort of screen print and put it over a canvas or something.  

I don't read these things, I just look at pictures.

Anyways, check out Baby Lifestyles post if you want more info on the style.

I'll be posting how we did it later this year I'm sure.

Pending approval from my wife of course.

Welcome to Boltonshire.



1 comments:

Longhorn Steakhouse [ REVIEW ]

“I participated in a campaign on behalf of Dad Central Consulting for LongHorn Steakhouse. I received a gift card to facilitate my review and a promotional item as a thank-you for participating.” 



We don't go out to eat a lot in Boltonshire.  A lot of it is that I don't get to eat.  We can dehydrate the kids all day, and them have them go potty before they leave, they'll still have to use the bathroom at least two times each.




I was concerned this would happen again when we went to Longhorn Steakhouse this past Monday.  I have never been to Longhorn Steakhouse, mainly because I went to Texas A&M.  The sworn enemy of things Longhorn.

And yes, I know Longhorn Steakhouse is not part of the University of Texas.

Well, Longhorn Steakhouse gave me $75.00 to visit a restaurant and consume their steaks and visit their bathrooms at least twice per each kid, then tell my three readers about it.

Originally, I wanted to take Kristie out to dinner and show her how I'm a high roller and give her a $37.50 spending limit.  Well, that plan fell through with Loreli got sick.  Kristie didn't want to be away if Loreli's condition worsened and have to rush to get her.  So it was decided that I would take Michael and give him the same spending limit.

That boy is a mutant.  His mutant ability is to order the most expensive item on the menu.

Well, Loreli did have to go to the emergency room and the Eric / Michael hangout was cancelled.  We rescheduled for Monday after work. But this time EVERYONE was going.  So there goes the $37.50 per person.  It has to be divided by SEVEN people now.


And eight trips to the bathroom.

I walked in and was surprised.  In my mind, I had always pictured it something akin to Texas Road House, but it is not.  It is a casual dining restaurant. There's no peanuts or shells on the floor.  We got there around 4:30 PM, which was on purpose and before any dinner crowd.  We were placed in a corner booth and reviewed the orders.  We deducted what the kids' meals should cost and figured about $18.50 for Kristie, Michael and I.


I was concerned we wouldn't have enough but, there were plenty of plates available.




Emma got a Hot Dog Kids Meal - $4.49


Araceli picked Kids Meal Grilled Cheese Sandwich - $4.49


Seth picked Kids Meal Chicken Tenders - $5.79

Loreli's choice was a Cheeseburger off the Kids Meal  - $5.79


Michael picked Flatiron with Portabella Mushrooms.


Kristie had chosen

Eric got Flat Iron Steak



All in all we had a great time.  We enjoyed the food and the service.  I would definitely go back again, but this tie with just Kristie.

We also grill occasionally at home.  Longhorn Steakhouse provided me with a set of four steak knifes for when I want to get my steak on at home.



They also want to promote some grilling tips for those who like to grill at home.



I encourage you if you're looking for a place to take dad this Father's Day.  I suggest try a Longhorn Steakhouse.



0 comments:

Geek Father's Day Cards

I was thinking the other day.. Why the heck aren't there any cool comic book  / sci fi / geek character type Father's Day cards.  I assume the greeting card nazis think dads only like to hunt, fish, watch sports and do anything that is not comic book, sci fi or geek related.

Ugh.

So I took it upon myself to make a few prototypes of what I personally would like to see in a Father's Day Card. 

Calling them "prototypes" gets me off the hook of doing this all at the last minute and they look like cranberry sauce...

The first one is the catch all. It's the last minute father's day card.  You have humor, and sentiment, without getting too personal.  Because all those were already taken.



FRONT

INSIDE

At first a dad may be thinking, "oh dude, you got me an Aquaman card..." and then BAMM!!! It's Batman.  Well played child, well played...


This next card is from the kid who is proud of you, no matter how you look in spandex...


FRONT



INSIDE

BOOM!! That's how they see you!!  They don't know you have no idea how to fix whatever it is they broke.  But the first thing they say is when they broke it, "Daddy can fix it!!"  Because you're obviously a good faker.

This next card is from the kid who just wants to spend time with their dad, doing whatever.  Even if it means the complete genocide of a planet.

 

FRONT

INSIDE

Destruction of planets are the best way to bond with your kid. 

This last one is about the respect and integrity, you've taught your children and how they appreciate you.


FRONT

INSIDE


So there you have it.  Depending on the stats from this page, I will be posting the link to my Etsy store.


Welcome to Boltonshire and have a Happy Father's Day you geek dads.











1 comments:

SANUS TV Mount to Increase Safety for Children [Sponsored Post / GIVEAWAY ]

SANUS and Safe Kids Worldwide
Launch TV Safety Initiative




For many Americans, a flat panel TV is a great way to enjoy family time and entertainment.  However, most parents are unaware of the safety risks that flat panel TVs pose for kids.  Due to increasing size and new ultra thin designs, today’s flat panel TVs can easily tip over when bumped or pulled, toppling off of furniture and causing injury or even death.
                                                                                         
Bringing this risk to the forefront, SANUS [ TWITTER / FACEBOOK ] , the leading designer and manufacturer of flat panel TV wall mounts, has partnered with Safe Kids Worldwide.  By educating consumers on the risk of unsecured flat panel TV’s, SANUS and Safe Kids Worldwide [ TWITTER / FACEBOOK ] offer safe solutions for families across the nation by reducing TV tip-over related injuries and fatalities.

A 2011 US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) report on flat panel TV safety revealed:
·         A child is killed every three weeks from an unsecured TV
·         Every 45 minutes a child visits an emergency room due to a TV tip-over related injury
·         Between 2000 and 2011, 215 fatalities have resulted from TV tip-over
·         An estimated 17,000 people each year, the majority of which are children, are treated for injuries from TV tip-overs
·         Reported cases have increased almost 25% from 2006  to 2010, and over the last 10 years, injuries have increased by 31%

SANUS TV Mounting Tips:
·         Easy 1, 2, 3 installation with a wall template to ensure even placement
  • Online video walkthrough of simple installation available at any time
  • No additional tools necessary – all required installation hardware is included in package
  • Live customer support available 6 days a week

Below please find a link to a SANUS TV Safety Video:





GIVEAWAY
SANUS would like to offer one of my readers a complimentary flat panel SANUS TV Tilting Mount.  All you have to do is like my Welcome To Boltonshire Facebook Page.  That's it.  Anyone who likes my Facebook page this week is instantly eligible to receive a SANUS TV Tilting Mount.  This does not include installation of the mount.





This was a sponsored post.  For posting this on my blog, I am receiving a SANUS TV Tilting Mount.

2 comments:

Why Green Lantern is a Better Dad Than Batman AND Superman [Because No One Asked]

Because no one asked... I wanted to jump in on the debate while there was still a bit of heat on who be the better father.  The debate is who would be the better father, Batman or Superman.  How to be a Dad shared 5 Reasons Why Batman Would Be A Better Dad Than Superman.  Always Jacked retorted how Supes Would Be A Better Dad. Clark Kent's Lunchbox found written proof how Bruce sucks as a dad, and DorkDaddy pretty much closed the case on How Superman is better than Batman at parenting.

I've weighed in on both sides not really saying one is better than the other, because honestly I really think it's a tie between the two.

I know I need to choose, sitting on the fence while the World's Finest blog it out on social media who can make the better chevrons on the baby's nursery wall, will not get me anywhere.  So I've made a decision.

I've decided to endorse Green Lantern as the Better Superhero Father of 2013.


Now, I'm not aware Hal Jordan even has a son in comic cannon, but this debate has been taking hypothetical liberties.

He Was Chosen
Hal Jordon was chosen to be a Green Lantern based on his character.  When Abin Sur crashed landed on earth, the ring sought out a man without fear, with a strong character and a cool sounding name.  Because really, if the ring would have found someone named Stanley McChesterfieldsonton who was without fear and had all the qualifications, the ring would have just put its hands in its pockets and whistled as it walked past.  Ret-conned revision does state the ring had three candidates, Clark Kent, Hal Jordon, and Guy Gardner.  It didn't choose Clark because he wasn't from Earth, and Guy because pretty much we find out he's kind of a db. 

You might say, "Oh.. this proves more for Superman than Green Lantern should be the better father!!"

Yeah, if I could stop a train with my pectoral muscles and bullets bounce off my corneas, I would not have any fear either.  Hal was just a normal human with a cool sounding birth name, whose pecs couldn't stop trains.  Yet he was still a man without fear. 

Matt Murdock, I'm not talking about you.

Bruce put on the cowl because he felt it was up to him and no one else to save Gotham.  Clark said he was the only one whose pecs could stop locomotives, so he nominated himself and called himself Superman.

Arrogant much guys?


He's Human with Alien Powers
Batman is human with no super powers. Superman is an alien trying to be as human as possible.  With GL, he's the best of both worlds.  

Just like Hannah Montana.

"Hey Hal, you want to go to the Spurs game tonight?"

"Heck yeah." Hal would say, "I'm human. It's not like if I get hit by a taxi crossing the street the taxi will get crushed and I walk away like nothing happened in order to play it off and protect my secret identity.  Leaving the cab driver a totalled vehicle he has to explain to his boss. He'll probably lose his job and how the heck would he feed his family?"

"I don't know what that means."

"It's something my friend Clark would do. It's cool I'm human."

"Oooohkay"

So at the game, his friend is all like, "Hey Hal, want something to drink? I'll go get it.."

And Hal would be, "No it's cool.  I'm human and all, but I gots me some alien technology. Watch this!!!"

Hal holds up his ring and a giant fist stretches to the consession stand and drops a fiver on the counter and brings back a Dr Pepper.

"Wow" his friends says, "Being Human with Alien powers would make you an awesome father!!!"


He's Not Always On Call
Unlike Batman and Superman who are the only guardians of their designated areas. Green Lantern does not have to worry about saving the world when he's not on call.  There's a crap load of other Green Lanterns that can fill in. 

Say, Hal wants to take his hypothetical kid to see the Coast City Wombats play the Star City Yutes in their first  DCFL football game together.  Hal wants to show him the cool stretchy hand getting a Dr Pepper trick.  But there's a call from Ms. Jeffersonstein, a regular in regards to being saved by Hal.

"Green Lantern Corps, this is Nina. What is your emergency?"

"Yes, this is Ms. Jeffersonstein from Verde Way.  There's some mysterious yellow glow coming from my neighbor's house.  I think it might be Sinestro or a Yellow Lantern, can you send Hal Jordan?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jordon is not on call tonight.  I can get you Guy Gardner."

"Unnh uhh!! That Gardner guy is a jerk!! I wish Batman would punch him in the nose or something."

"Mr. Gardner is the Lantern on call this weekend.  If you can wait until Monday morning at 7AM, Mr. Jordan would be happy to be available..."

"Fine. Send the db!!!"

Batman and Superman can't do that.  They need to take the call or else some idiot lady walking through an alley in the middle of the night is murdered or an idiot monorail driver forgets the tracks aren't finished and he sends dozens of people to their deaths.

Just send John Stewert, Kyle Rayner, or the DB to save the day.  Hal's bonding with his hypothetical son.

There is no Dark Past
I guess you can say Supes doesn't have as dark of past as Batman (which we alll know ad nasuem) ...

UNLESS YOU COUNT THE COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF HIS ALIEN RACE!!!

Sure, Kal-El didn't stand there while Darth Vader blew up Krypton with the Death Star or anything, but he found out eventually he was the lone survivor (give or take a few dozen over the decades) of a dead race.  Clark didn't even get depressed, start wearing eye liner and listen to the Cure and Depeche Mode. 

He held that crap in. 

That's not good you know.  The longer he holds that stuff in, it's going to explode.  It'll just take one "You were not there for me" fit from Jon-El for Supes to errupt with, "WELL MY FATHER IS BLOWN TO DUST!!! AND THE ONLY TIME I THINK I SEE HIM IS WHEN MAYBE SOME OF HIS DUST PARTICLES COAT THE DANG KRYPOTONITE THAT IS ABOUT TO KILL ME!!!!"

You should have listened to Depeche Mode, Clark.  Should have listened to Depeche Mode.


Hal Has Imagination
Sure Batman has those wonderful toys, and Superman has his... uh... wonderful biceps?!? But any billionaire can pay Lucius Fox to invent Bat Shark Repellent.  And Superman is as vanilla Eminem at the Source Awards.

In order to be the best Green Lantern in the universe, you've got to have imagination...


 

That's right Spongebob..... Imagination!!!

"Hey Hal, Jr.  You want to go play some play a prank on someone??"

"Sure Dad. What did you have in mind?"

"Hows about we sneak outside Wayne Manor and send a colony of green bats flapping away in the house scaring the freak out of Bruce and Bruce Jr."

"Are you sure it's a "colony"?  In the Wayne's case, wouldn't a "murder" be more appropriate?"

"BOOM!!!!"

Father-Son Fistbump.

Later they'd go and send some fake looking Krytonite to the Clark residence in Metropolis. 

The Ring can construct anything that Hal can think of.  While early on in his super hero career he would just do giant mallets and huge fists, the past few decades Hal's increased his ring arsenal.  He'd even use it to spoil his kids.

You want to ride a pony?

Done!

A pony with machine guns?

Done!

Need a car to take out Oliver Queen's daughter?

Done! A 2019 Camero.

But it's not 2019 yet!!!!


2019 Camero with Machine Guns??

DONE!!

They'd construct forts and castles.  They'd play catch with giant gloves and baseballs.  If they wanted to go see the Diamond Cascade on Syrax-7, they could. 

Can Batman take Lil' Bruce to Syrax-7?? Nope because someone would probably get murdered.  Supes can't go there either because there's a large concentration of Kryptonite covered with Jor-El's dust particles there as well.

What?? You think Kryptonite only landed on earth.

Naive.

And the last reason why Green Lantern would make a better father than Batman and Superman...

I Found Images That Show GL Knocking Them Out


KRAKK INDEED

There's no sound in space, so there would be no krakk... Hello?!?!










Welcome to Boltonshire

4 comments: