DAD HACKS #96


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DAD HACKS #79


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DAD HACKS #59


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DAD HACKS #15


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DAD HACKS #82


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DAD HACKS #42


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DAD HACKS #39


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DAD HACKS #24


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Hashtag Thor

Is that Thor Thor??



It was announced yesterday that a major Marvel comic book hero is now a female.  There are few details at this time, but Thor the God of Thunder will now be portrayed in the comics by a woman.  Thor #1 will feature a brand new God of Thunder (he's not getting any gender altercations or anything).  The comic is set for release this fall.

Now the conservative side of me feels this may be strictly for the PC crowd to include more female comic characters in bigger roles.  This has upset a lot of the comic geeks on the internet.  And I can see where they’re coming from.

Comic Book Purest on the web hate almost everything about change in a comic or comic character.   They hate when an actor is announced to play the title character in an upcoming movie adaptation.  They sit behind their monitors and keyboards, and just complain and complain about how different or how character is and how much the movie is going to suck.

They do the same when a new direction is announced in comics.

Now with Lady Thor?

Lady Thor


I’m actually okay with it and here’s two reasons why.

The First Reason


Loreli, Araceli, Emma, and Madeline.

My four daughters.

Loreli likes comics. Emma likes Doctor Who. Araceli wants to like them both, but says she likes them to fit in.  Maddy is too small right now, but she’ll more than likely follow suit.

A few years ago, I came into possession of about 2000 comic books dating from the late sixties to the early eighties.  I was only able to obtain Marvel comics, but I’m assuming this guy had the same range of DC too.  But in this cache of comics, there were comics I was not going to read ever.

Those were She-Hulk, Ms Marvel and Spider-Woman.

Yes they were all women, that could have been the reason why I didn’t read them.  But honestly, I wasn’t interested in their stories.  Back then they were pretty much just the female version of their male counterpart. 

Hulk, Captain America and Spider-Man.

So I offered them up to my kids.  Loreli took them all.

What I didn’t realize being a guy and always subjecting my daughter to my geeky male heroes -  Spider-Man, Batman, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, etc. I didn’t give her any lady geek heroes to look up to.

She had them now.

While they may not be as mainstream as Hulk, Captain America and Spider-Man, they were to her and her sisters.

So If Lady Thor gives them something to look up to and their a positive role model.  Then I’m okay with it.

The Second Reason


The second reason I’m okay with it is based on money.

While I have no idea how Lady Thor will come into being.  My theory is that Thor Thor (you say things twice when you mean the original one or to stress importance)…

I’m hungry, but not hungry hungry.

... did something stupid and doesn’t feel he is worthy enough to wield Mjolnor, his Hammer.  So he drops his hammer in a fit of depression and Lady picks it up becoming Lady Thor.

It is a great  way to tell a different story from a character that’s been in comics for over 50 years.  But what those internet haters don’t like to do, they don’t like to think anywhere past their own hate. 

The success of comic books lead way to comic book adapted movies.  More people see movies than read comics.  Thor Thor has been in three Marvel Movies as a dude.  He is also going to be in Avengers 2 next summer…

As a dude.

When Comic Book Movies come out and they have a different variation of a character from the books, the comic books seem to follow suit.  It’s their way of making the transition easy for new readers to recognize a character they saw on the big screen.

In the comics, Wolverine originally was a short and not very handsome.  In X-Men:  The Movie we were introduced to Hugh Jackman.  Hugh is the opposite.  After X-Men:  The Movie, Wolverine got a little more handsome.

We were introduced to Agent Coulson (played by Clark Gregg)  in the movie, Iron Man.  After that he showed up in the Thor and Avengers movies as well.  He eventually became a recurring character in the comics.

So, Thor Thor in the movies is a dude.  Lady Thor isn’t.  Since Avengers 2 is going to be a 2 hour commercial for Marvel Comics, it’s safe to say if Marvel wants to keep collecting that cash, Lady Thor will change back to Thor Thor by next summer. 

Because there’s going to be someone who goes, “Hey, I like that Thor! I want to go read about him.”  He goes to the comic store and picks up the current issue and on the front of the cover he sees Thor has breasts. “Hey this isn’t Thor Thor!!!”

Is Lady Thor going to be gone forever once Thor Thor comes back?

Probably not, it’s probably a way to introduce a new character as well as get in some new readers before the movie comes out.

It’s not a terrible thing.


So internet, get over it!

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DAD HACKS #22


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Hashtag Dork

Made With Pallet Wood!!


Did you make it back?

The results of the soft opening are mixed.  While I never get comments as it is, I'm never sure how it's taken.  I get likes on the shares on Facebook, but no one really says anything.  So I'm assuming they're just making me feel decent with their sympathy likes…

I even have to ask my wife later if she read it.

I would think she comes out and just shares with me the excitement of reading a post written by her husband.  I mean she wakes me up, seriously the other night she wakes me up right when I was about to get into REM sleep.  It was some dude doing a review on some deodorant and how much the deodorant sucked and how he still stinks after using it. When all of a sudden he “realizes” he’s forgotten to take off the deodorant protector cap after two weeks. 

Uhhhhhh???

By Gawd it was the funniest thing she’s even seen while lying in bed with her husband right when he was about to get into REM sleep!!!!

I guess that’s a good thing.

“You should probably change it to ‘Hashtag Dork’”

She tells me when I ask her if she's read it..

I appreciate that.

Moving on.


I had to purposely go on.  I actually deleted a sentence that would have sent me off track again.  I’ll go over that later on I hope.  But I want to at least finish something I plan on doing on this blog.  Even if it wasn’t as funny as the Deodorant Guy.

I said I was moving on….


Whether I keep Hashtag Bolton or change it to Hashtag Dork I wanted to jump into blogging instead of making sure everything is set up before the “GRAND OPENING”.    I’m a bit of a perfectionist and I knew if I made sure everything was perfect before I started writing the posts again, I would have never gotten around to a post.  I would have spent days customizing the perfect template only to find out that nothing goes with my intended theme.  So I’m just throwing it all against the wall to see if it sticks.

Honestly it doesn’t matter.  Most of you will probably be reading this on a mobile device and only see the mobile version anyways.  Or you’re reading this years from now when I finally perfected it and have no idea what it looked like originally.

But I added a bunch of social media sites on  the right hand side. 

Social Media pages are set up by bloggers to inflate their ego.  It has to be.  Why else would they want you to follow them on all their social media sites?  The more followers they have on their pages the more important they are.  If you don’t have an army of followers, you end up a D-List Dad Blogger.

Plus if you want companies and brands to get a hold of you and want you to shill their products, you have to have a lot of followers. 

You appear more important when you have a lot of documented followers.

So with that, I’m asking you to follow me on the following sites.

Hashtag Bolton Facebook Fan Page – Here you will get the links to the posts you see here.  Yeah I know, why do I need to be a fan of Hashtag Bolton when I can just come here and get the same posts? 

You just do, okay?  Maybe you want to share it.  Facebook has that share button you can just share with your timeline.  Your friends honestly will appreciate it.  They’ll wake up their husbands right when they’re into their REM sleep!!

Eric’s Twitter – Same thing as Facebook.  Except WITH MORE HASHTAGS!!!  Now there could be some people who are on Twitter who are not on Facebook.  They like to keep issues with friend’s baby momma drama to only 140 characters.  But follow me on Twitter and you could get me baby momma drama FREE!!

Google + Page – This one, I’m asking a lot from you.  I assume most of you do not even know you have a Google Plus account.  A recent survey from SupremoMaximussen confirms my assumptions. 

 
See!!!


Also, who the heck has Google Plus that doesn’t already have Facebook?  I don’t know.  But the A-Listers do it, I’m asking you to just do it to.  Por Favor.

Eric’s Instagram – Want to know what I’m about to eat?  Am I drinking a Monster Energy Drink, Dr Pepper or Valero Coffee?  Maybe it’s all three at the same time?!?  You’ll never know if you’re not following my food on Instagram.

Hashtag Bolton on Pinterest – Here you can see how I like all these other people who like other people’s liking of someone who turned a wooden pallet into a Monster Truck.

Ok that’s it for now.  I think I have the You Tube link on the sidebar too, but I wasn’t able to configure it the way I wanted.  So you are not obligated to click and follow that one yet.

Ugh.  I just realized, I’m pretty boring when I have an agenda and want to go through with it by staying on course. 



I’ll promise to go off an a tangent next time.

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DAD HACKS #19


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The Ninja Kitty Blog



Did you come back after that disaster yesterday?

That is assuming you were actually here on day one.

I'm sure there were people who were like, "ooooooookay, obsess much?"

No, I don't.  I hadn't even thought of David Schwimmer since Madagascar 2.

I didn't see Madagascar 3.

I was afraid that since the NSA taps My Galaxy 3 Note, they probably saw this page too.  There's some NSA guy working in their basement having to look at blogs all day to determine if they're a threat to the President or any influential democratic party contributor.

"Nope, it's just a David Schwimmer Fan Blog.  All Clear!!!"

Whew.

It would have been a different story if I went the Baldwin Brothers route yesterday and said I was the Stephen Baldwin of the Dad Bloggers. I'd have NSA breaking down my front door for sure.

Now to explain the Ninja Kitty that you see above.

Again, after the David Schwimmer rant, I looked at my new blog front page and saw this:

The Official Un-Official Fan Blog of David Milhouse Schwimmer

The NSA Basement Guy was right!!

This does look like a David Schwimmer Fan Blog and I'm just guessing at his middle name.  I guess I could go back to IMDB or Wikipedia and look it up, but then I'm putting more effort into this non-David Milhouse Schwimmer blog than I should.

Ugh...

Since it's was clearly obvious yesterday, I have no clear purpose of this blog yet, I have to do some damage control to make it look like it's anything but a David Schwimmer Fan Blog.

Looking at the title of my last post, I realize that doesn't help it either.

So I added the Ninja Kitty.

The internet loves ninjas and its obvious the official mascot of the internet is the cute kitty, I felt I'd rank in the search engine searches for "Ninja Kitty".

So I'm scrolling along the Google Images of "ninja kitty" and I see some cute kitties dressed like ninjas.   I honestly think that the cats aren't really jumping, but they're being thrown and the cat tossers just start snapping pictures of the flying cat and hope for the best.

I also see some TV-14 style art and drawings of women dressed like a ninja kitty.

Oookay??

Then there's the clandestine Hello Kitty dressed like a ninja.  You know... Just because.

And then there's the woman with the Hello Kitty Ninja Warrior upper back/shoulder area tattoo.

Try not to judge! Try not to judge!

SIXTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE

Little Davey: Grandma, what is that red faded blob on your upper back/shoulder area?
Grandma: That's Ninja Kitty!  
Little Davey: Seems like a decision made with not a lot of thought in it.
Grandma: It was.
Little Davey: Do you have any regrets about it?
Grandma: For a while yes.  But then it was featured on a David Schwimmer Fan Blog.  Shortly after it was on the blog, David Schwimmer started trending and got famous again. He wanted to meet and we did.  That's when we fell in love. We had your father and rest is history.

 BACK TO THE PRESENT

So... Ninja Kitty on top will make this blog trending.  I'm going to push publish, then screen shot it and do a post publish edit or something to show you how it looks now with the ninja kitty on top.  That was my whole point of today, to get away from David Schwimmer and I think I just made it worse.

I need to find a focus of this blog.

And apparently Ritalin.

POST PUBLISH EDIT OR SOMETHING


That should throw off the NSA.

ANOTHER POST PUBLISH EDIT OR SOMETHING

I just so happen to refresh the Google Image Search of "Ninja Kitty" and now it shows this.


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DAD HACKS #16


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62 Places Where #KidsEatFree


We at Dad Hacks are all about finding ways to make parenting easier and or cost efficient.  When you have a lot of kids and going out to dinner can get pricey, you tend to stop going out at much.

Just like companies have major promotions were they give out free products just for showing up  (Chic Fil A and 7 Eleven), a lot of restaurants have weekly offers where kids can eat free (or almost free in some cases).

Some Examples Include:

  • Cici's Pizza: Kids under 3 eat free every day.
  • Culver's: Kids 12 and under get a free frozen custard with the purchase of a meal (valid daily).
  • Denny's: Kids eat free at Denny's on Tuesdays from 4-10 p.m. (at some locations, Saturdays, too). Up to two kids get a free meal for every paying adult.
  • Pizza Hut: Kids eat free all day on Tuesdays.
  • TGIFriday's: Kids eat free on Mondays and Tuesdays.

Sean Graw over at BradsDeals.com provided a list of 62 Places Where Kids Eat Free (Or Almost Free).  Be sure to check them out for the full list.  Most of them will probably end up being an Official Dad Hack post sometime in the future.


About Brad’s Deals
Brad's Deals provides an unbiased view of the entire online shopping world and reports on where the best deals are. Brad's Deals is a service, not a store, so we aren't trying to sell you something. We're trying to level the playing field. We're also trying to reduce noise. You'll hear about a store when they have the best deal on something but not when they don't. The idea is to save time, save money and be a better consumer.


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DAD HACKS #14



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DAD HACKS #91



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The David Schwimmer Blog

Howdy. My name is Eric and I used to be a blogger.

Really I was.

Sure my name wasn't mentioned at blogger conferences or on twitter...

or by my family and friends.

But I blogged.  So I was a blogger.

Even when you're a non-famous blogger like I was, D-List actually, you're still considered a blogger.  It's not like you suck at singing and you attempt to sing and your parents say you're really great and when in reality you really stink.

I mean really really stink.

Like myself.

You're not a singer.

I'm not a singer.

No matter what Sister Mary Clarence said in Sister Act 2.

Anyways, blogging is not like singing.  You don't have to be popular or even good to be considered a blogger.  Just go to Blogger (or Wordpress) come up with a title that describes what you want to blog about and hope that it hasn't already been taken.

I'll talk about this later.

So I was a Daddy Blogger.  I wrote Juggling Eric for a few years and then revamped it to Welcome to Boltonshire. Juggling Eric was mainly about my growth. Not like a mole or tumor type of growth, but my growth as an individual and how I dealt with juggling all the roles I had.

The role as a husband and new father. The role of being a Christian, brother, son and friend.  It ended up being mostly about my adventures as a dad. I met a bunch of cool Dad Bloggers and I got to watch them get all famous and stuff while I secretly envied them.

Its like those ensemble TV show sitcoms that was really popular for a long period of time and after ten years the cast breaks up and some go on to be Jennifer Aniston and some become David Schwimmer.

I'm the David Schwimmer of dad bloggers.

I should call this blog "The David Schwimmer Blog".  That'll probably help me in regards to Google searches.



See!!!

Look at that, I didn't even type in his whole name and it's the top of the concern for the current status of "David S"s.

How do you pluralize "David S"??  Was it like I did just a few seconds ago?  I had no idea pluralize was an actual word.  I didn't get the red squiggly line meaning I misspelled it like I do anytime I type "convenient".  You don't know it, but I misspelled "convenient" and fixed it.  I always seem to add an extra "i" in there somewhere.  Sometimes even spell check has no idea what I'm spelling.  So I just change the entire sentence around my poor spelling skills.

I'm self diagnosed with ADHD.

You've known it the whole time reading, but I just changed the name of this post from In Production to The David Schwimmer Blog so now you shouldn't be confused about the title of this blog.  If I get a call from someone with a New York or LA area code telling me to change it, that.. would.. be awesome.

"Mr. Schwimmer is very active.  He's doing voice over work for Madagascar 4: Madagascarians in Space!!!" 

Madagascarians has the red squiggly line underneath it.

I honestly didn't plan on spending this much blog space talking about David Schwimmer. I have nothing against him personally.  While the picture of his profile on IMDB isn't the most flattering, I do approve of his beard.

So hopefully moving away from David Schwimmer.

I can't...

I've actually spent TOO much time on David Schwimmer.  I'll just have to continue in another post.  I've built your expectations up too high and brought the wrong Googlers here with all my talk about David Schwimmer.  I might as well just turn this blog into a David Schwimmer Fan Blog.  I'm sure there's already a David Schwimmer Fan Blog, I'll have to change the name to like.. The Fan Blog of David Schwimmer or The People's Blog of Schwimmerainia.

Okay now I'm just milking it.

I'll cut it there.

I used to be a blogger.

My apologies to Mr. Schwimmer.

Schwimmer has a red squiggly line under it FYI.



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DAD HACKS #7


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DAD HACKS #11


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DAD HACKS #4


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Rebecca


Rebecca hated what she had become, but this "occupation" if you can call it that certainly has its perks.  The money was great, even if it was considered illegal,  Because she was good at what she does, her name was passed around for clients to enlist her "services".  Back home in Texas, the family thinks she's a "consultant".  The evasiveness and non-descript company she tells them she works for; keeps them off her back as long as she sends them money to help pay the farm's mortgage. 

The truth is, she dropped out of college freshman year.  She needed money and was desperate, so she made the choice to answer an online posting and the rest was history.


Rebecca approached the revolving doors of the five star hotel close to midnight.  She looked at her reflection and wondered if they'd even let her in with the way she was dressed.  She felt like vomiting in her mouth knowing what was about to happen.  She couldn't not do this.  This is all she knows.  It will all be over in a couple of hours.


Only to be in the same situation soon enough.


She wanted to be shortsighted, thinking of longevity in this profession is never what you think about when you start.  Each time you tell yourself "this will be the last one."  You always think this is going to be the last one because each "job" you lose yourself more and more.


But when you compare your morals to the money you're making, you lock those morals up when you have bills creeping in on you.



She walked to the bar past the lobby turning heads all the way inside.  Rebecca was pleased with herself, she had become her own stylist.  She's perfected it practically.  When she started she would make appointments to have her hair colored or make up done for the high end clients, but they asked too many questions.  It was easier to have less people know about her the better.


"Miss Draper?" asked a well dressed man in a well tailored suit.


"Yes?"


"The ambassador is ready for you, please follow me."


Well dressed man led Rebecca to a dark corner of the bar.  Rebecca smiled when her eyes met the Ambassador's.


"Good evening, Ambassador.  It's a pleasure to see you again."


"Come. Sit."


Rebecca obeyed and sat on his side of the booth. The Ambassador put his hand on her exposed thigh.


Get your hand off me you fat sack of pudding.


"Mister Ambassador, you don't even wait to buy your date a drink."


"Henri!" The Ambassador called to the well dressed man, "get Miss Draper a drink."


"Right away sir."


Henri left and the Ambassador leaned closer to Rebecca, he ran his fat chubby digits through her red hair.  Alcohol consumed his breath and calling it malodorous would have been an insult to foul smelling odors. 


Think of the money. Think of the money.


"Mister Ambassador, I'm not real thirsty. Let's skip the drinks and head to your room.  Get to the point of this rendezvous."


"You sly vixen!  Just let me inform Henri of our intentions..."


"Don't bother Henri.  He's a smart man, he knows where you'll be."


In his condition she didn't have to make a clear cogent argument.


"No wonder you're so highly recommended.  You get right to the point."


They snuck out the back of the bar and made their way to elevator and his presidential suite.  The entire time his hands longing to touch every inch of her body.


"Wait until the room, sir.  We don't want to call any unwarranted attention to ourselves."


They got to the room and and his slacks were around his ankles before the door even latched shut.


"You're not wasting time are you Mister Ambassador?  Go over to the bed."


The ambassador complied as Rebecca opened her purse.


"There's just one more thing you bulbous ass.."


TIFFFF TIFFFF


Rebecca's arm remained outstretched as smoke left her pistol.  The Ambassador fell to the bed with two fresh bullet holes in his face.  She put the gun back in her purse and took out her cell phone.


"It's done.  The Ambassador of Latvaria is dead."


"Excellent work, Rebecca.  We will ship the money through the normal channels. We'll be in contact for your next assignment."


She hung up her phone and started walking to the door.  She passed a mirror, took a long look at herself and wanted to throw up in her mouth.

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What Happened, Happened


1:08 PM


Guy was excited.  Late but excited as he was on his way to meet his girlfriend at their favorite downtown restaurant.  Hurriedly he maneuvered through oncoming pedestrians. Some would give him dirty looks and make comments under their breaths as he passed.  He didn't care, he had something he wanted to tell Emily and nothing was going to prevent this high.

He was at the corner of 8th and Austen, two blocks away from the restaurant, waiting for the crosswalk to grant permission to cross.  Even though he was lost in his thoughts, he could still hear the sounds of the outside world.  Street vendors, the chatter of the masses, squeaking breaks filled the air between the buildings.  He even thought he heard someone yell his name.  He stood on his tip toes to try and look over the crowd, just to see if he could see someone he knew.

Nothing. 

Oh well.

The signal changed and the mass he was part of moved. A few seconds later there were squealing of brakes and the sound of glass shattering.  He looked back.  A large crowd had gathered around the accident but he keeps walking away.  Not that he didn't care, but he wasn't a doctor or paramedic.  That's how he could justify his current non-involvement actions.  He'll have to remember it for later.  Hopefully he can help out somehow.

Down the block, Guy could see Emily waiting by the front of the restaurant.  He rushed to her and apologized.

"I'm sorry, Sweetie.  My watch stopped working."

"It's okay, I haven't been here that long.  You can make it up to me with a glass of wine."

"Of course." he said with a smile.

He grinned as he held the door for her and entered the foyer.  Guy put a request for two guests to the hostess and she took them to a prepared table. 

"Your waiter will be here momentarily to get your drink orders."

They acknowledged and sat across from each other.  There was a short silence before Emily spoke first.

"So, what's this big announcement you want to tell me?"

"You'll never believe me, but something happened to me yesterday."

"What is it?"

"It's difficult to explain, but it's still new to me and I don't know exactly how it happened.  But...."

"Here's your water.." The waiter interrupted.

"Thanks." Guy said, still looking at Emily.

"May I take your order?"

"We're not ready yet, thank you."

"Oh okay, just let me know."

The waiter places Emily's water down, but cold water and ice spills into her lap.

"OH MY GOODNESS!!!!"

"Dude, watch what you're doing!!!"

"I'm sorry."  He said holding his head down.

Emily doesn't say anything, but gets up and rushes to the bathroom.

"Emily?!?!"

"She'll be fine", the waiter says as he sits down at the table.

"What are you doing?!"  Guy looks at the waiter really for the first time and is surprised at what he sees. 

"Hey Guy, it's me... errr.. you... Guy."

He was right, Guy was looking across the table at himself.  An exact copy of himself down to what he was wearing today.

"Don't freak out.  It's okay.  Everything is fine."

"What's going on here?"

"As you can tell, I am you.  Actually I am you about two hours from now."

"What?"

"I'm you two hours from now.  You are me two hours ago.  Well you're me now, and I'm you now and we're here together."

"I'm confused."

"Dude, did we, or did we not find out we have the ability to time travel yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"And that's what you, we, were going to tell Emily today this afternoon correct?"

"How did you know that?"

"Dude, we are the same person, we have the same mind.  Even though we're a novice time traveler, we should understand the basic principles of it."

"....................."

"I can't believe I was this clueless two hours ago."

"So why are you here now?"

"Because we can't tell Emily about the time travel thing.  Not yet.  She's not ready.  I'm here to stop you."

"Like Terminator stop me?"

"No dude.  I'm just here to tell you to just don't tell her about it.  She's going to freak out and leave you... Me... Us..."

"Okay.  What should I tell her?"

"Tell her you fell in love with her again or something.  I don't have enough time, she'll be back any second."

"How do you know?"

Guy from two hours from now sighs, "Because I was you two hours ago, and she comes her any second.  She's going to know something is up."

"What is going on here?!?!"  A shocked Emily bursts out when she sees two of her boyfriend having a conversation.  "There's two of you at the table, I don't know what's going."

"Sweetie.."  Guy starts.

"Don't do it"  Guy from two hours from now tries to interrupt.

"Emily... I'm a.."

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" 

"Who is that? Why does he look like you and what does he not want you to tell me?"

"You'll want to lock me up if I tell you, but..."

"Don't do it man!!!"

"YesterdayIdiscoveredtimetravelandIwasgoingtotellyoutodayandthisismefromtwohours
fromnowinanattempttostopmefromtellingyouaboutmydiscoverybecausether'sachanceyou
willleaveme."

"Crap.  I was hoping I could have stopped myself this time unlike when I was sitting there two hours ago  and the Guy from two hours from now for you  then tried to stop me.  I guess whatever happened happens."

"What?"

"The Guy from two hours from now two hours ago when I was here the first time tried to stop me just like I tried to stop you.  And this is the biggest case of Déjà Vu from another point of view because I'm saying word for word what he was saying two hours ago.  Well, two hours ago to me, not to you."

"That's it.  I'm out of here!!!"  Emily storms off.

"Emily wait!!!"

"Hold up.  It's no use.  She's gone.  She's flipped.  The best thing to do is go home.  And in a couple hours come back to now and do a better job of talking yourself out of telling Emily than I or the us from two hours from now two hours ago did for me."

"Why two hours?"

"Because that's how long it takes for all this to make sense."

"Ahh."

"Yeah, that's just what I said two hours ago."

"What are you going to do?"

"There's something that I need to do.  It's what the Guy from two hours from now two hours ago told me to do if I was not able to talk the Guy from two hours ago (which is you) out of telling Emily our finding.  Go back and try to tell us before we get here."

"What do I do?"

"You need to return to this time and try to talk the you two hours from now, two hours before out of the same things I tried to do to you, got it?"

"No."

"Well you will.  Two hours from now."

"Who's going to pay the bill?"

"You're not thinking fourth dimensionally.  Plus, we haven't ordered anything yet."

"What if the us two hours before now does not listen to you when you tell them what happens?"

"I'm just going to deck him and take his place and act like him for a while."

"Ahh.. Cool.  Well good luck and stuff."

"I can't believe I was such a dork two hours ago."

1:06 PM

Guy is standing at the corner of Austen and 8th, waiting for the Guy from two hours and 20 minutes ago to get there.

Where the stink am I??

Guy thinks for a moment.  Looks at his watch.  Not that it makes any difference, he's looking at his watch at what it would be  in his time if he never time travelled in the first place.

Crap!!! If it didn't stop on me earlier in the day!!!!  That's why I'm late and not here yet.  If this doesn't work, I'm
just going to go back and replace the watch battery.

Guy sees a crowd of people waiting for the signal to change.  He looks deep in the crowd and he sees himself from two hours and twenty minutes ago on the way to meet Emily.  Oblivious to everything with a retarded smile on his face.

Man, time travel can make you cynical.

"GUY!!!!""

Nothing.

"GUY!!!"

Nothing.

Crap.

Guy rushes across the street to stop himself when the squealing of brakes is heard followed by Guy's body smashing the glass of a taxi.  He rolls off the hood and slides on the pavement.  A crowd of people gather around him as he tries to focus on Guy walking away from the accident.

I was such a self absorbed jerk.


Guy's vision goes to black.

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22 Minutes

This is from Creative Copy Challenge. The object is to use ten words and build a cohesive story. The ten words are bold.

James stood at the corner of Reyes and Linus facing north into the park.  He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. 

1:08

But he already knew that. 
He took a breath and even said a quick prayer.  He let out a slight chuckle because he had never thought of doing that before.  Maybe this time will be different.   Maybe it will change things.  It was worth a shot.  He didn't have much time.  He walked into Shepherd Park in the direction of the benches near the knolls. 

This scene has played out many times before.  This time had to be different.  This time had to be the one.  He was going to do what he felt needed to be done and then hope for the best. 

Off in the distance he could see her.  His window of opportunity was short and he had to get to her without interruption. 

From the left a homeless man came up to James.

"Sir, can you spare some loose......"

"Here you go Reggie..." James hands over his wallet before Reggie could even finish his sentence.  He hopped over the log boarder started off into a sprint and stopped a few yards from her.  There she sat on a park bench reading a book.  She was beautiful.  He's never seen her any other way.  He slowly approached her as she moved her bangs behind her left ear, licked her middle finger turn the page,  uncrossed her legs and placed her left leg over the right one.

He stood awkwardly, and softly called out to her, "Katherine?"

Katherine looked up and held her hand up to block the sun, "Yes?"

"Hi.  My name is James.  James Copeland."

"Do I know you?"

"Currently, no.   In the sense of the meta-physical universe, you know all about me and I know all about you.  Look, I know you don't understand, but do you mind if I sit next to you?  I swear I mean you know harm."

"I don't know."

"If it makes you feel safer, there's going to be a couple of cops walking around the corner in a couple seconds."

"How do you???"

Just like James promised, two park and wildlife police officers in conversation walk around the corner and stop by a nearby table.

"How??  How did you??"

James sighs and takes a breath, "I've always hoped the explanation would somehow remain.  It takes up precious time.  If you can believe it or not, I am living the same twenty-two minutes over and over again.  We've had this conversation and some derivative of it numerous times.  I'm stuck in time loop, for a reason I've not come close to understanding."
"I think I should leave."

"I knew you were going to say that.  You ALWAYS say that! But Katherine, we've sat on this bench for countless minutes talking to one another.  We've gotten to know one another.  I know your name is Katherine Rhodes.  You're twenty-seven years old and a pharmacy technician.  You called in sick today and you come here to read.  It reminds you of your father and mother.  They've been gone six years.  You like peanut butter but not jelly.  You prefer your mashed potatoes prepared with the skin still on .  You enjoy tea with extra lemon.  You've been to every continental state and have a picture from each state in a mural on your living room.

So you've told me.

You've also been hurt before.  In such a way you can never really open up to a man your innermost feelings and dreams."

"I don't ever remember meeting you."

"You never do.  No one ever does.  Just myself.  Everyone goes back to doing what they were doing when it starts.  At One-thirty, everyone leaves, and I return to one-oh-eight and have to relive this over and over again.  In the span of countless twenty-two minutes over and over, I've witnessed and learned things that other's forget.  But none of that really matters.  The only thing that matters is what I've come here to tell you. "

Katherine stares right into James's eyes.

"I love you Katherine.  I love you.  I want to say I've loved you from the time I first laid eyes on you, but it's been so long and I've wanted to tell you so many times.  But not every meeting comes out the same.  I only have a short amount of time for you to fall in love with me, but right now it doesn't matter. It can be fate, course correction, or I'm just a lucky guy to be able to spend as much time with you as I have.  But I fully believe that the whole point of this... this event. Is because of us.  God.  The Universe.  Whatever wants me to get it right.  It wants me to open up to you just like you've opened up to me little by little over the course of, I don't know how long I've been doing this.  It wants me to tell you that you can be loved, Katherine.  That you can be loved by me and we can beat this thing and when it turns 1:31 we're still going to be here together and we're going to cherish each moment afterwards."

Katherine takes a second to comprehend it all.

"If what you say is true and you really do know all this about me.  Have you ever tried this before.  This.. This confession?"

"No.  This is the first time.  I've never told you how I've felt.  I've never told you about the time loop.  I realized I was holding that back when we've disclosed ourselves to each other over the..... what I can only assume have been years I've been meeting you here."

"Years?"

"Years."

"If it's only 22 minutes when do you sleep?"

"I usually just go to a park bench and sleep until the next reset."

"And during these 'resets' you go back twenty-two minutes in time??"

"Yes, to the exact geographical point I was at 1:08."

"And you're the only one that remembers?"

"As far as I know.  Everyone is doing what they were doing twenty-two minutes prior as well with no recollection of what just transpired."

"What all have you done?  Seen?"

"A lot!  There's only so much you can get accomplished in 22 minutes.  So it's been pretty much all been legal." 

Katherine sat there, trying to take it all in.  It was all new to her.  This man, new to her.  But he knew all about her.  He knew things that she's never shared with anyone.  She didn't want to be hurt, but she didn't think she could not at least take the chance.

"All right.  I believe you.  I believe everything."

"Oh, Katherine!"

James leans forward to embrace her and squeezes her tight.

"You better not be a psycho!"

James laughs, "No."

Katherine embraces him as well.  A genuine smile crosses his lips as he closes his eyes finally feeling safe for the first time in.... in a very long time.

He opens his eyes and James is standing on the corner of Reyes and Linus facing north into the park.  He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. 

1:08

But he already knew that.  

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Addiction.

This is from Creative Copy Challenge. The object is to use ten words and build a cohesive story. The ten words are bold. I tried something different with this one in the way I formed the story.

The light starts to shine
through the broken blinds of eastward facing window.
My corneas burn
at the slightest hint of morning
I've lost track of time
And how long I've had to wait since my last drink.
They tell me I need to quit.
To give it up. It's what is best for me.
Screw them!
I have to live my life as a game.
Always adjusting. Always thinking about the next time I score.
With it, I know I'm safe. I know I'm secure.
Like a slave, I'm lead
Down the line I'm familar with as it calls my name.
Eric....
I don't recognize the man
as I pass the mirror.  He looks like crap
And I feel just like him.
How much further?
I get to the kitchen,
Open the fridge and take out a can.
In an all too automatic motion
I pop the top and down the ice cold goodness
and become raptured
as the sweet necter from Heaven passes through my veins.
I can start my day now.
I love Dr Pepper.

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